A
male
age
26-29,
*rns96
writes:Hi, I'm a freshman and I have this best friend "JP". I use slang a lot when I talk: aiight, fookie, stresst, heated, blawk, gucci, boi, fit, madd, sick, tight, etc. It just kinda rolls off my tongue jst as well as the next guy. this kind of language is most commonly associated with a certain ethnic group that i am not part of. i wont name any or risk being called racist for making a simple observation. im not a part of this ethnicity, but i am accepted as a person who uses slang correctly and smoothly.JP, however, belongs to a whole other group all together. it wouldnt be so bad, but he oftentimes botches his sentences or uses seriously outdated terms. how do i tell him to either get updated or dont do it at all, without offending him? hes making himself look ridiculous and i dont kniw how to stop it.help please
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male
reader, JohnnyXXX +, writes (21 December 2010):
Fitting in isn't all it's cracked up to be
A
male
reader, jrns96 +, writes (19 December 2010):
jrns96 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers this time guys. I'll keep what you've said in mind. Oh and CindyCares, it took me like ten minutes to get through your first paragraph I was laughing so hard. I've never seen a funnier reply in relation to what was being asked. Thank you,:) you guys be da dumb fit people who be wilin' en all dat. Lmao, nah, for real, thank you.
P.S. that little slang bit i put in there is way more overdone than i usually talk.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 I'm not going to encourage you to try and make some poor guy speak in a language that will make him look like an idiot. He clearly is not comfortable speaking this way and it doesn't come to him naturally like it does to you.
So what I think you should do is when you are alone, tell him that you have noticed he seems to be trying to speak in slang but he appears uncomfortable with it. So you think that maybe he should stop and talk in a way that comes naturally to him because it will seem less forced, even if it is different to the way you speak. Explain that he has a better future and will be more successful in life just by speaking properly so he should not try to talk this way just to fit in, speaking properly is the best way to get a good job and attracting girls so just be natural and he will be happier in the long run.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 Aight.
Tell him :
yo,JP my dog, I not gonna diss you, but the way you talk ...ain't no ace, ya no what I mean ? You gotta make it more active. Peeps are wailing on you, and I not gonna always be around and get your back :)
Ok, seriously now . Two options :
- diplomatic . You take him aside, you tell him KINDLY more or less what you told us: you have noticed that people might have a little problem with the way he talks , since it's similar but not the same as theirs. They may feel mimicked or being condescended to,
or just perplexed, and that can lead to misunderstandings. So to avoid him any social faux pas, as a friend you suggest him to not to try too hard, or...to try harder.
I think this is something a good friend can say as long as you make clear that YOU do not have any problem with the way he talks.
- hands off ( I ' vote for that ) You leave JP to his own devices. People will always find fault in others. They'll criticize the way we talk look dress spend our money raise our kids pray our God. If it's not one thing is another , it goes on all your life, and part of the growing process
is learning on your own when to ignore criticisms and when instead take them seriously as a spur to change.
I'm sure JP will realize that people making fun of his slang.... ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
them seriously
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A
male
reader, jrns96 +, writes (18 December 2010):
jrns96 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Believe me everybody, I see what you're saying. But I failed to properly get my point across.
First of all, I don't speak slang to be like everyone else. I speak slang whether I'm talking to friends family or other adults. It's just the way I speak naturally.
Some people are saying that its "fake and try hard" but while that's true for many people, it is also true that it is as natural as " proper American English" for others like myself.
I don't make a concious effort to learn new slang, it just comes to me. The only time I speak impeccable English is when speaking to family thar require great respect (grandparents and my beloved great grandmother) and some authority figures. However, I believe I should be able to speak however I speak naturally without being looked down on. Slang is part of my accent just as surely as a native from Britain would not speak American English the "American" way, at least not without concious effort.
Secondly, I am not trying to change "JP". Never that. He is my closest friend, above that of even some members of my close-knit family.
I know for a fact that JP is sspeaking slang to fit in more, as he has admitted as much to me. He won't listen when I say it's not necessary. So he tries and I'm unsure how to correct him.
And I'm not uncomfortable with how he uses slang. It is what it is. But I see the results of his sentences and I see the laughter in other people's eyes, but he thinks its his personality not the slang.
My question has been unanswered and I still face this dilemma. How do I tell him? And please no more put downs on slang. I already explained to you my reason for its use. Just answers PLEASE. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): ha ha lol... love it... never seen that spoken dialect actually been written before :-)
But anyway going by your writings you seem like a well spoken young man also.
Keep up the good ehh... hmm... slang?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 December 2010):
Don't stress too much over keeping your (or your friend's ) slang "updated "- It's an enterprise which requires more time and effort than it is worth. Slang evolves vary fast. Nobody says anymore than something is "phat ", now it sounds as ridicoulous as saying that something is "groovy ". Yet, it only dates to very few years back.And what's so great about slang anyway. It just shows you "belong " , i.e. you are mainstream, part of a multitude.Now, learning to speak a correct English ( or American English ). With the proper grammar and the proper pronunciation. That would be something impressive- and that sets you apart. And more useful in adult life !
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 December 2010):
Look, he is your friend and you should accept him, however he speaks. In my personal opinion I think anyone who speaks the way you do is making themselves looks ridiculous, it is a horrible way of speaking that is so try hard and fake. So just because you dont like his 'language' does not mean he needs to change, he talks the way he talks and there is nothing wrong with it. It is nice to know there are still some kids out there that are not trying to talk like some rude boy gangster rappers, and who still have the potential to speak properly. Just let him speak however he wants, you cannot try and change someone just because you dont like it, so leave him alone and accept him as he is.I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (17 December 2010):
 The funny thing with slang is that, 'updated' or not, it does sound ridiculous anyway. Or will, soon enough. Not to sound patronizing, but you might want to think about whether you're taking too many liberties with the language yourself.
As for your friend, have you tried telling him this while the two of you were alone together? A good cue would be when he used some such 'outdated' word. He may end up feeling resentful though - without knowing the depth of the friendship it's difficult to give very definite advice.
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