A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went out with my friends a few days before xmas, and it got quite late, so i stayed at a friends house. There were only two double beds, and four of us. The couple got one, and i was left to the other one, having to share with my male friend who i know has strong feelings of attraction for me. I tryed very hard not to lead him on as i have a boyfriend of 3 1/2 years whom i adore. The problem now is how to tell my boyfriend that i had to sleep in the same bed as someone he feels extremly insecure about? (although he is unaware of his feelings for me) He has been loosing sleep over his jealousy. I realise it wasnt the wisest idea to stay over in the first place, but i know i cant change it now. I would like to reitterate that i feel nothing for the guy i had to stay with, i feel completely platonic about him, its one sided, which is difficult as it makes maintaining our friendship very difficult.I have a very open and honest relationship with my boyfriend and id never intentionally hurt him, but i know he will probably find this difficult. Im going mad, but i have been very clear with both my boyfriend and the boy who like me how i feel about both of them. My boyfriend knows i love him, and the other guy knows i dont feel the same way.I know this shouldnt be a big deal but im really stuggling.. help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Why do you have to tell your boyfriend anything? Since you didn't do anything to be ashamed about....don't tell him anything. Why create a problem when there isn't one?
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 wow.. the responses are almost split between the sexes.. but as for what happened not being wrong.. i disagree. Maybe because I feel that sleeping next to each other is something special that should be shared between each other, but then again maybe that is only me.
I would say to think on how you would have thought if he slept with another girl in a platonic sense. What would you think? I really think that you should have slept elsewhere or he should have slept on the floor if he really cared.. would have made things easier.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): I agree with dc.ryan relationships are built upon trust and if you don't tell him that trust will be broken.
Also next time find somewhere else to sleep like a couch or even a chair. Despite nothing happening it wasn't very fair to your boyfriend and because nothing happened it wasn't fair to the guy who has feelings for you.
Remember that a lie by omission is still a lie and no matter how much pain the truth might cause a lie will destroy everything you two have built up for 3 1/2 years.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Dont tell him!
Your making a bigger situation than is needed here. HYou only slept in the same bed, no sexual stuff happened, so you did nothing wrong at all.
To tell your BF what happened would only cause him more insecurities and escalate his jelosy which is not needed and could cause friction between him and the boy.#
Stop worrying you did nothing wrong and in this case keeping to yourself is better for your bf
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Tell him exactly what happened. It is better sooner than later. Imagine if he hears it from someone else, he will feel more insecure and will not trust you. He may believe your story is a lie as he heard it first from someone else.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Well nothing happened right? So whats the problem then?
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A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (27 December 2007):
I agree. Don't tell him.
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
 I don't think not telling him is a good decision.
Purely because one day he could find out through your friends or his, and will wonder why you didn't tell him - will instantly jump to the conclusion something had happened and you didn't want to say.
If he gets jealous very eaisly, its important to keep your relationship open with him.
Ryan
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A
female
reader, elliebellie +, writes (27 December 2007):
hi hun!
this exact same thing happened to me. i was at a sleepover party and there were a couple of guys there. most of them were bf and left b4 the sleepover but there was this one guy a sister of my friend. everyone had plaes to sleep and i had to sleep on the sofa. he had mentioed he like me earlier on so i was kinda on the lookout. i woke up in the morning, snuggled up to him. i have a bf but chose not to tell him. i was tired and had nowhere else to sleep.
dont tell him. if you want to simply tell him.
good luck
feel free to mail me if you want to talk about anything else.
lol
ellie
xxx
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Dont tell him, simple. Your really making a big deal out of this, you didn't do anything! yes you shouldn't have shared a bed with this guy, even more so as he fancies and you and you put yourself in risk in a way.
Your bf sounds the very jealous type and may need to get help himself, do not tell him, what would be the point? you did nothing wrong, unwise yes but seriously keep it to yourself!
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan +, writes (27 December 2007):
Sit down and discuss it, explain to him that you had no where else to sleep.
Enforce the fact that you are the girl in his life, and you are his forever and you'd never want to do anything to hurt him - just be honest with him, look straight into his and explain how much you love him.
Just make sure he understands, you had not intention of anything happening that night - and nothing did happen, you just went out with friends. Give him a big cuddle, and tell him not to worry about it - you said you have a strong 3 1/2 year relationship, which is open (fantastic!) so use your trust between each other to help you discuss this.
You will be surprised with his reaction, so stop worrying and get chatting!
Ryan
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