A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my boyfriend have had sex for a little bit about every weekend for 1month I'm 22 he is 23 and we weren't protected once. I thought he was wearing a condom turns out I was wrong... Now I'm pregnant. I told him and he was quite surprised but he was actually quite happy and said he is quite excited to become a dad although he thinks he may struggle with one child but he promised me he would try his best and do all he can to help me, and I know my boyfriend is so amazing he will keep his word and no matter what anybody says I will always know I can trust him. I was happy too because I have always wanted to be a mum and experience raising up a child.Now here's the tricky part, I went for an ultra sound and turns out I'm expecting twins, (my BF wasn't there as he went on holiday with two mates and won't be back for a couple of days) How do I tell him?! Because he said to me he might struggle with one child and he might be a bit scared. I want him to be happy and he can get a bit stressed with his job and we are both saving up for a house instead of an apartment that we both think isn't the best to raise up a child/children. So what do I say?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 At around 20 weeks, that must be your SECOND ultrasound scan, in UK NHS offers you the first around 12/13 weeks and THAT would have shown you were expecting twins. What happened then ?... You could not find the nerve to tell your bf ?...
Anyway, ... I would not feel the need for all these kid gloves in delivering the news.
So HE might be a bit scared... and he might struggle... and might get a little stressed out....
SO COULD YOU !, You are the one carrying twins and giving them birth and nursing them and taking care of them when they are infants etc. etc.
You want " him " to be happy, which is very nice of you, but don't YOU want to be happy ? Does not your idea of happy also includes having a strong, solid, protective partner that can meet his responsibilities and give YOU support and encouragement ?
So stop thinking of your bf as your third twin who needs to be sheltered and protected, he is not your third child, he is a MAN and the father of two kids now, time to man up and stop the whinging, so pardon me if I am not too moved by his plight and by his fears. If he does not want this kind of scares, next time he can wear a condom !
Note, I relize perfectly, because of personal experience, how challenging and difficult and overwhelming it can feel becoming a parent and having to provide for baby(es ) when you basically have been a carefree kid yourself, (in my personal case spoiled ,served ,revered and waited on hands and feet ) till the day before . But, guess what ? they call it adulthood. They call it life. Your bf has no special free pass to skip the process, and he would just look better if he'd just stop the I am stressed / I am scared lament.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 July 2014):
 OK that makes more sense, thank you for clearing that up. Since your BF already knows you are pregnant, having twins isn't going to be a huge difference.. yet.. Once you two have to buy all the stuff, bedding, clothes, formula, nappies - constantly change one or the other diaper, feed them, bathe them.... THEN he will without doubt notice the difference.
It will be OK. Hopefully you will have parents who will help and support the 4 of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): The only thing that matters now is that you were both reckless and now you have to find out if you can practically raise twins, or if it's in their best interests to be adopted. Unfortunately, the minute you got pregnant was the minute you both had to stop thinking about yourself a and how much you'd love these babies, and had to start thinking about what's best for them.
I stand by my earlier statement:
"Just sit him down (maybe with your parents, because you'll need TONS of help!) discuss your options, who can help with what, finances, etc. Once you find out how much support you can get, then you can see if you can realistically keep them or if it's in their best interests to be adopted."
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 July 2014):
 has he not noticed that you are huge for 5 months pregnant and asked about it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told you we did have sex for one month I, not pregnant for one month I'm now 4momths pregnant nearly five...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2014):
what choice does he have? none... one baby, two babies... money and time get stretched a bit more but it's very doable.
how about when he gets back you show him the ultrasound and go from there?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 Tell him he's either going to love you twice as much as before or he's going to want to run. If he runs good ridence to bad rubish..otherwise everything 's fine.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 July 2014):
Unless you are more like 12 weeks along (not only a month) a ultrasound can't show twins. BUT going by your statement that the US showed twins...
One or two babies, not much he can do, or you. All you can do is show him the US picture.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): You're just going to have to deal with it because your (both) communication was poor and has now potentially torn apart your life. I know you must be scared but love them already - the problem is that you're both still VERY VERY young and just starting out with adult responsibilities, so now you need to decide if you can PRACTICALLY handle two children.
Just sit him down (maybe with your parents, because you'll need TONS of help!) discuss your options, who can help with what, finances, etc. Once you find out how much support you can get, then you can see if you can realistically keep them or if it's in their best interests to be adopted.
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