A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a week ago I was diagnosed with a syndrome that makes it very hard for me to get pregnant. My doctor said I will most likely not be able to get pregnant by myself without these very strong medications, that will make me gain weight and have bad side effects. If I were able to get pregnant by myself, I have a high chance of miscarriage. I'm devastated because having a big family is something I've always wanted...I've noticed symptoms from this syndrome for about a year now that has bothered me such as a lot of weight gain, weird skin problems, hair thinning, it's all been very embarrassing. I have a long term relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. He also wants children with me in the future. I don't know how to go about telling him about this. Our sex life has been a lot different the past few months because of my embarrassing symptoms I mentioned above and now on top of this I may never be able to have a normal pregnancy. I'm very distraught. What should I do?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 April 2015):
 This is the PERFECT set of circumstances under which you can learn what this guy - who you like so much - is MADE OF.
Assuming that you and he believe you have a relationship that is becoming "long term"...... and could result in marriage.... then it's time to sit down and discuss this situation.
How he reacts in that discussion will tell you all you need to know about him as a prospective partner....
To YOU: You KNOW that you can always be a "Mom" by adopting children... God knows, there are enough of them who are spawned by irresponsible "adults"... who have no idea how to raise them.....
Good luck.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): I have several relatives with PCOs who all had healthy babies. Also a friend with the condition has two babies. Don't believe what GPs tell you about infertility. You can bring your cycle and other symptoms causing trouble under control with healthy diet, exercise and weight loss. I have the syndrome and looking at me now at age 40, with a great figure, regular periods, zero hair loss or acne and ONLY the odd black hair in my chin or nipples (pluck em out!), nobody would know! Get to the gym, get on a healthy diet and get researching. An amazing port of call is the UK charity Verity for ALL things PCO related and excellent assistance and advice. Find them online!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): Hey,I don't know what you have and I'm not going to assume it's PCOS (though funnily,I have that too).Endometriosis and several other genetically transmitted diseases and syndromes that are harmless to your overall health can cause inability to conceive.Now, IF it is PCOS-don't worry, yes it's hard but not impossible. Any good man will stand by you. IF NOT-then he wasn't for you in the 1st place and cares more about himself than you (I'm afraid both genders are guilty of a bit of selfishness from time to time).It's very difficult to give advice NOT knowing what it is.PCOS-okay, very difficult but you can get there.In MY case- I can't. They told me when I was 19 and yeah,I've always wanted a BIG family too (dreamed of having 4 children etc. which I know most people don't exactly dream of) and I felt WORTHLESS when I got diagnosed.WHY? Well, I felt as if I was NOT a woman. Like a proper woman.I know it sounds ridiculous but that's exactly how I felt.You know, you kinda always assume you'll be able to,so when they tell you, you can't, you feel ... well,I was very emotional at the time and felt so,so bad.I cried for so long, thought "Why me?" so many times, looking back it might have brought on a mild form of depression as well etc. etc.Things like walking, seeing etc.- normal body functions that we take for granted UNTIL we lose them and then and only then we start to appreciate them fully for the miracles they are.I'd recommend researching you options, not losing heart (there is always someone out there who has it one worse...trust me... You have a chance at least,no matter how minimal) and just believing in yourself.I was very lost for a while, thinking "well, what now?" as in "What can I contribute to the world now?anything I learn I can not pass on to my children? Who will want me like this?" etc.etc.You realise, as the years pass by, that even if you did not get what you wanted you were dealt a hand you could deal with.Imagine if it was cancer and you had 6 months left to live? You see that kinda puts in perspective for me.I can only hope that if life deals me a worse hand one day (you never know) that I'll be brave enough to face it too. Till then I must do all I can to live my life fully and to enjoy what I HAVE, Not wondering about what I DO NOT have.Seek support from other who are going through it, seek professional help if you feel you're sliding down.As for how to tell him-openly and honestly. A good man will understand.And don't forget to smile at each new rise of the sun for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2015):
 The first thing you do is find support groups of women with the same issue. It sounds like PCOS. I have a friend who just had a baby after ten years of trying with no luck...
The next thing you do is figure out how YOU are going to cope... do you need to work through this news with a therapist... or a support group?
Then if you and your BF are serious and talking marriage seriously, I would suggest you make an appointment with your doctor (GYN if it's PCOS) for BOTH OF YOU to sit and talk with the doctor about what it is, etc. That way the doctor can answer any medical questions for him.
I am going through the last states of menopause and while I am comfortable with my symptoms my husband is dying from it. (hot flashes mean covers on and off all night long) He wants me to go on hormones and I do not want to do that as it's bad for my long term health. I keep saying I don't want to do it but he is "wife hearing impaired" so an appointment with my GYN to have an "authority figure" explain it to him is in order.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2015): Might I ask, is it PCOs, polycystic ovarian syndrome?
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