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How do I tell him I think I have herpes 

Tagged as: Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 July 2015) 8 Answers - (Newest, 4 July 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

A couple of days ago, a cold sore appeared on my lip. After doing some research online, I found out that cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus. Believe it or not, I didn't know that until two days ago. I've never had any other symptoms.

I remember when I was much younger, I knew about fever blisters (I don't remember if I've had them or if my mother or sister did) but I thought they were literally fever blisters caused by fevers. I didn't know it was herpes.

I don't know if that's when I got it or if I got it later through someone else. Though, i've never been promiscuous and always practiced safe sex with guys I was in a relationship with. But as i have learned online, even condoms don't protect 100% against it.

My boyfriend of two months lives in another city and hasn't seen the blister. We're spending this weekend together and the blister, though gone, has left a visible scar. Yesterday over the phone, he could tell I sounded down. When he asked I got scared and told him I clumsily hit myself in the lip and had a cut.

I instantly regretted telling him that lie and I want to tell him the truth when I see him today. How do I tell him? He already has trust issues and with the lie I told him yesterday, I can't even imagine his reaction. I'm really scared.

What do I do? I really care about him and I don't want to give him an STD. We've already been intimate but I hope I haven't already given it to him.

View related questions: condom, herpes, std

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2015):

It's incredibly frustrating to see the myth surviving that cold sores or oral herpes aomehow is differnent or can't cause genital herpes

Many people politely refer to it as fever blister to some how define it from genital herpes and this further stigmatises genital herpes

Yes oral is usually caused by type 1 and genital by type 2 however there are increasing causes of type 1 genital herpes due to oral sex !!!!

It can be transmitted easily and I was reading only the other day that many doctors suspect increasong cases of genital herpes cases are type 1 caused by oral sex

Please everyone check your facts before giving misleading information !!

cold sores / fever blisters /oral heroes ( whatever you want to call it CAN cause genital herpes!!!!

http://www.herpes.org.nz/patient-info/myths-vs-facts/

The below was Taken from

Myth: Herpes "cold sores" on the mouth are not the same as genital herpes.

But there is plenty of information from reputable medical sites that discuss the risks of oral sex and transmission

Of herpes from mouth to genital.

Interestingly, type 2 ( the type that usually

Occurs genitally rarely transmits orally as it tends to

Prefer the sacral nerve and stays in that region.

Fact: Cold sores on the mouth or face are caused by HSV-1 and are commonly transmitted to the genitals (causing genital herpes) through oral to genital sex. Up to 40% of genital herpes is caused by HSV-1.

As for the OP , please see a doctor for a full diagnoses !

Many many people have either oral or genital herpes .. If you have oral

Herpes tales precautions against transmitting it by not perfomgmoral sex during an outbreak.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2015):

Whoa!!! Slow down! You have to get an official diagnosis from your doctor. Don't go by a self-diagnosis you've concluded from what you've read on the internet.

You panicked from the word "herpes." You are confusing genital herpes with oral herpes. You may only have a cold sore caused by herpes simplex 1 or (HSV1); herpes simplex 2, the venereal type of viral infection, is usually from the virus herpes simplex 2 (HSV2). The oral type from HSV1 is usually a fever blister or cold sore. The HSV2 causes blisters on the genitals and other parts of the body.

Take all the necessary precautions until you're sure upon a professional diagnosis. The HVS2 virus doesn't clear-up in a few days and isn't isolated to the edge of your mouth. You can still infect others, so no kissing or sharing drinks or food. Both viruses are spread by skin contact.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (3 July 2015):

chigirl agony auntYou need to see your doctor about this before you jump the gun. You're not a doctor, or a nurse, and even if you read things online you aren't really qualified to put a diagnose on yourself. The information you have gathered online is just enough to make you go see a doctor, as you now know it MIGHT be herpes, and as such you should get it checked out to know for sure.

Blisters/sores on the mouth aren't always herpes. It could just be a stress symptom, allergies, or something quite harmless. Or, well, herpes is actually harmless as well, even if a bit annoying when getting sores.

Go see your doctor before you scare your boyfriend. Men are notoriously know for being terrified of any kind of illness. Hence they rarely go see their doctors and they get all freaked out when they hear the letters STD. Well, maybe they have a scary thought about their penis falling off, lol, they can be extremely attached to it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (3 July 2015):

Honeypie agony auntGo see your doctor before you guess to much. And there are treatments to keep the cold sores in check.

THEN talk to your BF.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015):

Additionally type 2 is not worse !!! It's simply another strain and herpes can be passed on without visible legions through a process called shedding

So much ignorance about herpes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015):

No no no please everyone stop thinking tbat oral herpes ( cold sores ) is so differnet to genital herpes. iT CAN BE PASSED ON TO SOMONEs GENItALS through oral sex and in fact this is a huge problem today

This is a huge misconception that cold sores are not able to cause genital herpes. iT CAN . If it's type one , it won't cause type 2 but it can cause reoccurring herpes outbreaks in the genital region , and really , if one has that ?

Does it matter to the person whether it was caused by type one or two?

You will have GENITAL herpes is herpes that occurs on the genitals .

When You go to the doctor and they suspect genitial herpes they will tell you it could be type one or two and no one knows without a blood test .

http://www.abc.net.au/health/talkinghealth/factbuster/stories/2009/07/29/2638882.htm

http://smartsexresource.com/topics/herpes-simplex-virus

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2015):

Sorry but as a twenty year sufferer of genital herpes and someone who has basically gathered all the latest up to date information over a long period of time I can tell you that the above answer is not correct

Herpes 1 that USuALLY occurs on the mouth and herpes 2 that USuALLY appears on the genitals are interchangeable.

Herpes ( the usually genital type ) can happen on the moutb however in such cases it often doesn't reoccur as herpes 2 prefers the genitals area .

Whereas herpes one offen appears in the genital region and reoccurs frequently .

The latest research shows its happy to live in either although still preferring the mouth

Even many doctors are ignorant if the latest research and unfortunately many people with oral herpes are under the illusion that they can't pass it on to some one genitally !!!

This is why there is a huge epidemic of herpes 1 in the genitals ( which Remember it reoccurs )

rhis is why the current thinking is now to refer to it as either oral it genital rather than just assume it's one partucular type because of where it occurs

A person who had a cold sore years ago is capable of passing on heroes to someone genitally through oral sex even if they hacnt had an attack for years . Considering the majority of the population has had cold sores irs amazing how people still discriminate against genitally occurring herpes

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (2 July 2015):

Garbo agony auntCold sores are herpes virus but they are herpes type 1. The STD kind that inflicts the genitals is herpes but type 2. These two types are different with type 2 being worse of the two.

Some 90% of people have type 1 herpes because they are easily transferred because we share things like kisses, drinking glasses, etc.

Once caught, herpes of any kind can not be cured but their outbreaks can be minimized. Both herpes types flare up when your body has too much arginine, an amino acid abundant in your body which we get from various foods. Look up on the web the foods that are rich in arginine, minimize eating ones you can then eat foods that rich in lysine, another amino acid which you can research, because lysine offsets arginine and thus keeps you balanced.

If you have type 1 herpes, the cold sore, do not kiss or engage in any sex with your guy because he will get it. After your outbreak ends, get rid of all lipstick, tooth brush or anything that has touched your lips.

Once your cold sore is gone your man can't catch it from kissing or oral sex.

During the times that you don't have the outbreak, be sure you eat a balanced arginine-lysine food with a tilt to lysine. You can also take supplements to suppress the cold sore virus and these supplements are: olive leaf extract, lysine, lemon balm and monolaurin. Including more of coconut oil into your diet quells herpes virus.

So explain all of this to your man and note that cold sore is not acquired from sex and is not as contagious as herpes type 2 which are gotten from sex.

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