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How do I tell him I need foreplay first without offending him?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2007)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

ive been with my boyfriend a while now and sex just isnt improving. like when we go to have sex he just wants to do it straight away and no foreplay is really initiated. he gets all turned on and i dont know how to tell him that i need foreplay first to get turned on without offending him if that makes sense?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007):

So many people are in relationships when they are too scared to tell the other partner what they like and what they want. These matters are much more easier to bring up than you think they are, just simply tell him the next time you are having "pillow talk" (the next time you are in bed together). When you've told him, ask him if there are any other things you could do that would improve his experience too. This way the talk isn't about you complaining that he is doing things wrong but rather for both of you to improve both of your experiences. And in the unlikely situation that your partner does get offended - well this is a big sign of immaturity. Ignoring an issue is also immature though - so be the responsible one and just bring it up, you'll be glad you did. You could be just a couple of minutes conversation away from having a far superior sex life!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007):

why don't you just try being playful and light hearted about it? i'd advise NOT to turn it into a big serious discussion 'outside the bedroom'. why do you need to discuss it? there's no better way to say, "you're doing a terrible job," than to have to sit him down for a talk, outside the bedroom. no matter how you deliver it, that's gonna sting.

instead, next time you're in the moment, when he reaches for his zipper or whatever, grab his hand and laughingly be like, 'slow down, speedy, you're not done with foreplay!' if you say it jokingly, he'll probably feel a little embarassed, but the laughter will diffuse the situation, and just start kissing him immediately to draw the attention away. or tell him you've decided to play 'hard to get' and he's going to have to seduce you before you'll sleep with him that night. again, if you say it with a tease in your voice, he won't mind too much, and you'll get the foreplay you want. and after one or two times of something like this, he'll get the message, in a way that is much less bruising to his ego.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007):

First off, how is your relationship with him OTHER than sex? Do you find you really enjoy his company and can you talk openly and comfortably with him? Is he normally considerate and supportive, apart from this one area?

If so, then you just need to come out and tell him you would enjoy some foreplay before "getting down to it." Tell him that if HE pleases you and gets you turned on, then it will encourage YOU to want to give him pleasure - because it will, provided your overall relationship is a good one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007):

Mention it to him first OUTSIDE of the bedroom, (not during). Just tell him politely, that you aren't getting enough attention before the deed and something has got to change.

The truth is, if you are uncomfortable discussing sex with your boyfriend, you probably are not ready for an intimate relationship. It's like a chef being too afraid/embarrassed to talk about the menu!

I hope you are protecting yourself and using condoms and plan on taking an HIV test together. If you can't discuss that, then you DEFINITELY shouldn't be having sex yet.

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