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How do I tell him his breath smells?

Tagged as: Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 November 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am seeing the most amazing person I have ever met, but I have a problem. His breath always smells and I have no idea how to bring this sensitive subject up without hurting his feelings.

I did not notice it at first, but recently I have become very aware that his breath always seems to smell quite unpleasant. I love kissing, and so does he, but I often find myself being hesitant and passionate because of the smell. I have kissed and been with many men and women, and this has never been something I have encountered before other than morning times. He does not smoke and brushes his teeth two times a day.

I often eat mints and always offer them to him, but it does not seem to help. I do not know what to do as I feel bad that it is putting me off kissing him. How do I bring this up without upsetting or embarrassing him?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (28 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly I think tell him the truth. I know you don't want to offend him but he will soon get over it and I bet he will be glad to know the truth. Some people who have problems with smelly breath are the last to know as they cannot smell it themselves, and well I know if it was me I would want to know. Don't feel bad about telling him just simply say you have noticed he has bad breath a lot and is there anything that can help him with this problem. Say you know he has good hygiene so you could attend a doctor or dentist with him to see if there is another problem like stomach acid or maybe tonsil stones.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (23 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntFirstly, bad breath (halitosis) is quite a common issue, even if you do brush your teeth daily.

There are MANY things that can cause bad breath, but the primary factors that cause bad breath are,

-Poor oral hygiene

-Obvious illness or UNSEEN/UNKNOWN illness

-Not flossing daily

-Not brushing properly (meaning not covering every tooth surface all around the outside and inside of the mouth).

-Not brushing the tongue. (Yes, the tongue can get food build up and smell if not brushed also).

-Smoking, heavy drinking or even copious drug taking.

-Diet, eating too much onion, garlic, heavy spices etc;.

-NOt drinking enough water. (Yes, if you don't drink enough water/fluids, your mouth gets dry and will smell).

-Not using mouth gargle, (For those who really require it).

-Not having annual dental visits and having smelly and hardened plaque/calculus removed on all tooth surfaces.

Dental visits are so important, because the Dental Hygienist/Dentist will check all your teeth and make sure that you've no broken or partially rotted teeth, which WILL cause mouth odour, because of all the food particles settling within the orifice/s.

In reference to your bf, you can try using "indirect psychology" by using "yourself" as the example or topic of interest.

You could say a few different things like,

Oh i was reading this article the other day about "good oral hygiene" and i found it so interesting that i'm going to give a number of things a try.

Then you can add, i think we can all follow these oral hygiene tips.

I certainly will be and would you be willing to try with me too?

It's a good, friendly way to broach the topic and to get him involved, "without offending him'.

The last option, you could actually just face him and be upfront and honest with him, but say it in a non-offensive manner.

Say it with "care" and "concern".

Perhaps you could say something like,

You know i love you so much.

I really enjoy it when we kiss and please do not take offence, because i sincerely care about you, HOWEVER, i find your breath to smell a "little" and i'd like to make a few friendly suggestions as to how you can improve your breath quality/scent.

These are things that i do daily/regularly and they really work.

You could then say,

-I floss my teeth daily, to remove food particles between my teeth, where the toothbrush often cannot reach.

-i use mouthwash to gargle after i brush my teeth, both morning and night time.

-I chew on raw parsley (raw parsley is a fabulous natural remedy for bad breath and it tastes nice too).

-I drink much water daily and even moreso when it's hot.

-I brush my tongue too and i have my teeth professionally cleaned annually.

Never having hardened plaque removed, WILL cause bad breath and can also lead to other serious health issues, over time, such as "loose teeth", heart disease and other issues, so good oral hygiene is of paramount importance.

Finally, you can also suggest your bf use an "electric toothbrush, as these are said to be even better than a normal toothbrush, for removing soft plaque and for "properly brushing" all tooth surfaces, especially for those who don't know how to brush properly.

Also, you could ask him to google some youtube uploads regarding how to "properly" brush your teeth.

You should aim to brush for approximately 5 mins and use 'circular motions" all over, across and "under" your teeth, rather than use "upward/downward" motions.

Good luck and i hope all goes well. :-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2017):

I wouldn't make it a bigger deal than it has to be. In other words, just come right out and say it non chalantly and casually as soon as you notice it rather than saving it for a "serious talk" or dropping subtle hints. That'll make him feel more awkward and embarrassed. Make him feel like he's judged and under a spotlight.

It's best to be casual and cool and nice about it. Show no judgment. If you bring it up in the least offensive way he's likely to be more alert and careful about it in the future so as not to offend you.

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (21 November 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntI became mysteriously sick one time after a new housemate came to live with me and in short I casually left a hand washing brochure on the kitchen bench for my then housemate, whom didn’t quite understand or seem to practise washing his hands after going to the toilet and then handle our communal food!

Fortunately he did not ignore this brochure, but was still offended by my subtle approach to his offensive lack of hygiene practise when I told him what my Doctor found.

Not that I’m suggesting you wait to get an infection yourself from kissing your boyfriend who obviously is blind to subtle clues when you offer him mints. I’m sure you’re aware there being hundreds of bacterial germs on a good day inside a person’s mouth let alone what lurks inside the mouth of a person with a non-diagnosed condition – gingivitis, bleeding gums, tooth decay, dietary intake?

Be his helper to better health as there’s more kisses to be had when you discuss his and your health concern with him.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States +, writes (19 November 2017):

TylerSage agony auntThis has happened to me before with a friend of mine. On a number of days I would notice that she had bad breath but it seemed no one was letting her know, not even her boyfriend. I think it had to do with her choice of foods throughout the day. I decided to message her one day and let her know.

After telling her, she seemed to avoid me for a few days, then after a while there was a period of awkwardness whenever we were around each other, but after a couple of months we were back to normal like it didn't even happen.

Yes, it wasn't easy but you have to think about what a good friend or girlfriend would do and the best result is to tell him. Be gentle and tackful, maybe throwing him a text would be best for the both of you to escape the awkwardness. Reassure him that you like him and that everything is fine, except him rancid breath.

It's a tough job, but people with the best of intentions should do these things.

All the best.

All the best.

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A male reader, Just4fun2 United States +, writes (19 November 2017):

It’s better to be honest. There are medical reasons that may cause his bad breath. A co-worker of mine knew it was an issue for years and tried everything from mouth washes to brushing his teeth 4 times a day. He finally saw a doctor and they found out about a medical issue that was causing the bad breath.

If this person has good oral hygiene, I would tell them that you care about them and would like to be honest with them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2017):

You have to be polite but straight forward. It's hard to be romantic and let someone slip you the tongue when their breath will make your eyes rollback!

Just tell him: "I really like you and find you quite attractive. There is just a little problem with your breath. I really don't mean to hurt your feelings." Carry stronger mints. Like those that are brand-named after mouthwash.

Halitosis is often due to gum disease, digestive problems, or extremely poor oral-hygiene. You said not even mints helped. You should be concerned about your own oral-health kissing someone who has breath so bad that it can't even be deodorized with a breath-mint.

For me, constant bad-breath or bad hygiene are deal-breakers. When you're out on a date, a grown-up should be self-conscious of how they smell; and especially meticulous about your grooming.

If he cared, you wouldn't be placed in the awkward position of telling a grown-man his breath is offensive. If he likes to kiss, he should have a fresh and clean mouth.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2017):

I had a classmate who had a really bad breath and sometimes even guys were talking about it and I felt really bad and decided to let her know. I asked one of my friends to call her anonymously and let her know. I noticed that her condition improved significantly! about 80% of bad breath comes from an oral source, cavities, gum disease and tonsil stones.

It could be inretnal, like diabetes, liver disease, respiratory tract infections, acid reflux and chronic bronchitis.

It’s really difficult to tell him I understand. Maybe you can send him a message anonymously and let him know?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI think it's a good idea to do some research into constant bad breath and halitosis. Then, approach the subject with him and ask if he'd see a pharmacist, dentist or doctor about it.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (18 November 2017):

Garbo agony auntSometimes people don't even know they have this condition especially if it's some stomach issue like gastritis. If bad teeth, such issues are often noticed by the patient. So I'd be straight forward and ask if he knows about his breath and help him find the solution to it.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2017):

Denizen agony auntSometimes the best way is not to beat about the bush. I know that I would rather be told than go around offending everyone unknowingly. It could be dental hygiene at the cause (root cause) or perhaps some medical cause. Problems with digestion are also not uncommon.

Anyway, you are the perfect one to help him with his halitosis. If you can't, then who can?

If you don't know how to broach the subject then how about, 'Did you know you seem to have a bit of a problem with your breath?' Once he knows he can do something about it.

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