A
male
age
36-40,
*nclezak
writes:Hi,My wife's let herself go of late. By this I mean she could shower more and cuold shave more often.How do I bring this up?There have been times when getting intimate has been tough due to smell. I always ensure she orgasms and really enjoy giving oral but sometimes it smells vile down there. I don't know how to approach it without offending her or closing doors to intimacy.
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male
reader, unclezak +, writes (17 October 2011):
unclezak is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the sugggestions.We have two kids and she is extremely tired with looking after them as she's a stay at home mum. I think she does suffer from depression a little, but this is due to being tired from our kids who don't sleep much.I do try and be supportive with the kids and chores. I work full time so it can be difficult, especially when things are tight at home.I lack tact and have at times strongly hinted in a playful manner for her to shave (her legs mainly). I dare not bring up odour. She showers about once a week- often only after we make love (seldom make love more than once a week sue to time constraints) and sometimes stimulating her orally can be quite gross. I have resorted to using my fingers, taking a sniff and then seeing if it's safe to go down on her or not. At times I have used my fingers and put it around her face/nose for her to maybe get an idea of what it smells like down there.I'd like to give her more alone time as I feel she could do with it but I don't have many places to take both my kids. If I do go out, she often tries to catch up on sleep.I think her tiredness is the overriding factor, but I don't see her being fully energised for quite some time. Questions is what to do in the meantime?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Are you sure she is not depressed? When a woman lets herself go, it is often a sign of depression or unhappiness.
If she has just become lazy, here are some suggestions how make her want to take better care of herself: when she does shower and shave tell her how much you like it, say stuff like "mmm, you smell so wonderful", "I love it when you smell this nice", "it is so sexy when your skin is this smooth" and hug her and kiss her and make her see you really mean it . Also, some light flirting with other women might do the trick. If she sees that other women are interested in you and that she has "competition" she will probably feel jealous and try to get your attention by improving her appearance. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (29 August 2011):
Hi I would suggest having a shower together before sex that way you won't have to bring it up to her and hurt her feelings just ask her to take a shower or a bath together before sex a bath will probably be better put plenty of bubble bath in and that should work
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (29 August 2011):
I reckon whatever you say will offend her just by the very nature of what you have to say. However, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell her, and I don't think you should be put off by this if you have a valid concern, which it seems that you do. Shaving is one thing but showering is something else and there isn't really much excuse for not washing enough.
As far as the shaving bit goes, I wonder if you could try and approach the issue from a different angle....you could get her a day at spa/beauty parlour maybe which included some pampering treatments like manicure, massage etc, and include some waxing in the package maybe? You shouldn't underestimate how much a chore hair removal is for a woman.
You sound like a nice guy though with a genuine concern, so I think you need to just need to grit your teeth and do it. She's an adult so hopefully even if she is angry or offended at first she will be able to go away and think calmly about what you've said and act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): You haven't given any insight into her lifestyle now that you're married which might be different to how she was when you were dating.With marriage come all the responsibilities that maybe she didnt have when single, maybe she's feeling like she has so much to do that she's feeling like there's not enough time for herself these days! Do you have children at all? or maybe she's working longer hours? More housework now that she has her own place? it can all have an effect!There's a couple of things i'd suggest.. firstly, if its an issue where she's not having a shower or bath once a day, offer in a loving way, to take over a chore she does in the morning or later in the day so that she can 'treat' herself to a bath/shower or give her some 'me' time. If i was in her shoes, i'd like my man to give me a hug and a kiss, be loving, and tell me in a caring way that he's noticed i don't seem to have time for a myself these days, and for him to suggest that he'll take over the washing up, lunch boxes... or whatever the chore could be, while i go and enjoy a nice shower or bath! keep it light and caring towards her.The trick to saying something, i believe, is the way in which it's said.. put her at ease, make her feel cared for/loved, and gently say it in a way that makes her feel your caring for her.Another option is to suggest taking a shower/bath together before being intimate, and let her know how much nicer it is when you are BOTH clean for each other!.. like i said, it's the way you say it that counts.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 I think jmc930 raises the most crucial point, being that you not talk to her about this while you're in the moment.
Not too sure if asking if you can do anything to improve you're own hygiene is the best move, but then again I can't think of a much better option myself. It's just not something that a guy would naturally say is all... Lets be honest, she's gonna put 2 & 2 together eventually, so why not skip the double speak and just tell her tactfully over a coffee? Surely the fact that its affected you enough to cause you to raise the topic, (which you clearly don't want to do) has to count for something.
No matter how you raise it, no matter how much you soften the blow- the point still has the capacity to cause offense regardless... and if it doesn't have that capacity... well then she hasn't picked up what you're trying to say. It's just a risk you're gonna have to take... but at the end of the day, you married her for a reason, pretty sure in the long run that she'd want you to be honest, even if she's embarrassed initially.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This is a very tricky situation. Offending your wife is never a good thing, but not showering or shaving isn't either.
Speak with your wife about it OUTSIDE of the moment. Ask her if you could do anything to improve your own hygiene. If you're lucky, she'll ask if she could do anything. If she asks, "Why do you ask?" you could mention that sometimes, if she hasn't showered in a while, there's a natural but strong human odor that you experience when you go down on her. Tell her you love her very much, and you would be willing to give her even more loving if she did these things.
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