A
female
age
26-29,
*efi
writes:dear agony aunts, im currently going out with the love of my life. ive been dating him for almost a year, its both our first relationships. we have never had any problems in our relationship, and we trust each other without a doubt. there would just be a problem with the attention he gets. hes a goodlooking boy, and is very popular in this country and the country where he used to live. so its natural that he gets plenty of attention on facebook and at college, by some very flirty girls, who either send flirty messages or call out his name in some erotic way in college.. right in front of me!! im like, HOLDING HIS HAND.. it wasnt hard to tell. he NEVER goes ahead and encourages them though, he simply smiles dismissingly because hes a shy boy. even on facebook some girls call him hubby, but he ignores it and stays on a differnt topic. YET, i stupidly always starts arguments because of my severe jealousy, any SMALL thing turns out BIG in my eyes, and im just arguing with myself in the end because hes done nothing wrong; and hes right, they are just friends, im an extremely negative thinker.agony aunts, please tell me how i can let my guard down a little and stop overreacting? my jealousy gets in the wat of many things :( x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): two things that I think you should do:
1) Learn to control yourself and exercise self-restraint and self discipline. this means that you need to stop yourself from starting arguments, no matter how torn up with jealousy you feel inside you need to control your behavior on the outside. Letting your behavior and words match your emotions in this case is not mature and will destroy your relationship faster than anything else.
2) the above is only the first step. once you have your behavior under control then it's time to do something about your emotions, which means you have to change the way you think. when people get jealous easily, it's a sign of some insecurity and fear of losing something. you might be afraid of losing him because that actually represents a loss of something even bigger than just him: loss of your own self esteem, loss of emotional security if you've not built up enough independence, loss of your reputation and status if he were to leave you for someone else. whatever it is that you really are afraid of happening if he were to leave you, is what you need to confront and change if you want to stop feeling these terrible emotions of jealousy over small things.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 What are you afraid of? Are you scared of him leaving you for one of these girls? Or do you not like all this attention he gets?
I'd guess it's the first one. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel but you need to understand that constant jealousy, questioning and arguing about this will actually drive him away from you.
The only piece of advice I can give you is to realise that if he does leave you for one of these girls, then he wasn't worth it anyway. There is nothing you can do to stop him doing what he likes. But if you continue to be jealous and argue with him over this, he's going to leave you anyway.
Be confident in yourself. He's with you for a reason and none of these other girls. He's made a choice and that's to be with YOU. Always remember that.
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