A
female
age
30-35,
*.b.williams
writes:I have a recurrent issue that seems to be getting out of hand and worse. It seems that every time a man flirts with me or shows interest, I start to revel in this attention and I start liking them. For instance, a guy has recently joined my work, I met him once and I thought I kept feeling his eyes on. I didn't take too much notice of him until he started to email me and told me he couldn't stop thinking about me. We've been messaging ever since (this guy also has a girlfriend of who i was aware of). A few weeks down the line, i'm telling this guy how much i want him etc etc and obsess if i don't receive at text in good time. This is just a single instance of what happens all the time, I'm constantly craving male attention and end up obsessing over those who give it to me. I'm really aware of it and i really wish to stop acting in this way as a lot of guys that come into my work end up flirting with me. I find myself meeting with these people and texting them. I know it will eventually begin to reflect badly on myself and i ask if anyone has advice?
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female
reader, Venus13  +, writes (17 March 2016):
I understand I am the same way and this is the reason why I cheat on my faithful bf of 20+ years.. I am going to therapy and was just dx with a personality disorder this makes me impulsive I guess.. I just got my heart broken over some married douche bag online saying he'd marry me and all this BS because o crave the attention so much and now I'm stuck left obsessing over him when I should be concentrating on my faithful bf.. I'm only in my relationship for the kids though I think.. Anyways I am sorry I don't have advice I just wanted to say I know how it is.. If you wanna talk let me know :)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 22-25 is the most fertile age for a woman. It doesn't matter if you are financially or emotionally ready for a relationship. If you are single and not experienced in relationships you are going to crave men attention. If you were a guy I could just easily tell you, "you need to get laid" but for a lady this will not be suggested. Let's see if you can find a way to date that's outside of your work place and gossip. I think you are normal, because you know what you are doing is wrong and it's bothering you. If you have your romantic needs filled, properly from a boyfriend, then you won't get so hot and bothered by random guys at work who flirt with you.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 Hi,
i would strongly advise you to speak to somebody you trust in relation to this matter.
I don't think it can ever hold you in good stead, if you crave attention from every guy that you come into regular contact with.
There are so many reasons as to why it's not a good place to be in, but primarily because it affects "you", it can damage your reputation at work, a place where professionalism reigns and it can even make others see you in a negative light.
It's also disrespectful to still fall for a guy, even after knowing that he's already taken.
I guess in this case, you should ask yourself,
"How would "i" feel, if another woman obssessed over, or came onto my man, the man i love?"
It's this simple and remember that when "you" try to place yourself in somebody elses shoes, then it makes your level of understanding easier.
There is "one" of you, there are literally hundreds of men that you'll come into contact with throughout the course of your life and until you really find 'the one", you cannot possibly waste your time and energy on feeling attracted and falling for every guy, who crosses paths with you.
To be fully content in life, if a relationship is what you want and wish to pursue, then all you need is "one guy" who respects you and truly makes you happy and will be there for the long term, not just for the short term.
This goes above and beyond "numbers" and "attention seeking".
You need to set the bar much higher and raise your self-esteem, raise your self-worth and your self-respect, because to be brutally honest, i think you are lacking in a number of these areas, or possibly all.
Thsi is where you could do with some good one on one counselling.
You need to go to the source and find out where your behavioural trait stems from.
Why you are doing it, why the need?
When we speak to a professional, this doesn't imply that there is something "wrong" with us and that we need to be "fixed", it's just that it makes it easier to deal with what is, to try and find out what the root causes are and to do our best to stamp it out, so that it doesn't affect our lives negatively.
Counsellors can be good listeners and good at assisting us to assist ourselves, because they don't blame, take sides, they're simply impartial and they're there to assist.
If you don't get to the root cause of the issue, unfortunately it will continue to dictate your life and if this continues, then you could find yourself in much hotter water in time to come.
The great news is that you are aware of what you do and you want to resolve this, so that's a great start!
I wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 Not a healthy spot to be in. The good news is you recognize this weakness and want to do something about it Why not try this: Next time a guy flirts with you, give him the "Oh, my boyfriend would be really upset if I gave out my phone number. If he "presses" then your "boyfriend" is in the service or in a foreign country. No names no further info required. at that point a gentleman would see that you're taken and will slither away.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 Well its about being a decent person to begin with, if a man has a girlfriend and you are aware off this and you continue to tell him you want him, well then it means you don't respect others, or yourself for that matter. Have you low confidence? What is it about these men that make you feel addicted to their attention? Is it perhaps that you are a person that is an attention seeker? Especially from men? Have you issues from your childhood that means you crave attention now? Do you feel bad at all that this guy has a girlfriend or does it not even bother you?
Do you want to stop this? Or is it you are just scared what others might start to think off you? I mean it is okay to flirt with men and have a laugh but when they are already taken then you should learn to steer clear and tell them that it is not acceptable.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 March 2016):
 Are you asking this on your own behalf or for someone you know? It sounds like the latter to me.
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