A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes: For years, I have wondered if everyone is part of a conspiracy to give me a bad life. Now, I don't think that way very often. But occasioanlly, I wonder if I am being persecuted by the female race. I have thought in the past that the world owed me something. How do I overcome my imaginary belief that the world is against me? I don't want to live a life of mental illness and paranoia anymore. I want to be normal. I want to contribute something to the world. And the only way I can do that is by firstly acting normal. I hope the question is clear. I live by myself because I have managed to push everyone out of my life. How do I stop thinking that people are against me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Hey Bruce,
I just wanted to tell you that the strange comments and bizarre things you blurt out are not Asperger traits but Tourette's syndrom traits which is often present in people with Asperger. The good news is that Tourette's symptoms can be suppressed or at least greatly alleviated by drugs containing haloperidol or pimazide, and, I am told, by a technique called Habit Reversing Therapy. Check with your psychiatrist.
Once you can check the "strange comments " you'll feel more socially acceptable and accepted - and that should reduce your discomfort in social interactions.
By the way, I hate large groups too so I don't think it has necessarily much to do with Asperger or any other psyachiatric problem.
Good luck with the new therapist
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 May 2010):
Coming here was a first good step. I actually think the problem is that you don't have a focus on your life. You want a woman, you want to contribute, but it's like you're waiting for the world to show the way. Best thing you can do is write a list of things you want to do, and actually do them one at a time. So if you want a good career, focus on that. If you want to change career, do that. If you want to do something with your life, volunteer to help people. If you want a girlfriend, then make sure you're happy for yourself and you're out there mixing with people. I do agree with those that say it is worth seeing a GP, but I think the problem is that you're not focused enough and it's like you're waiting it to come to you. Nothing comes to anyone and the world owes no one anything. That's the way it is. You've got to get out there, take one thing at a time and perfect it, then move on. That's how I get by.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (5 May 2010):
 paranoia is a symptom of mental illness and you can have mental illness (of many varieties) with or without aspergers. its not a case of one OR the other, it could be that you have aspergers and a mental illness (maybe depression). it seems to me that you view yourself very negatively.
big groups of people are for me an uncomfortable situation because they are boring, and even if you can figure out what is an appropriate topic of converstion within a large group it tends to be very limited and therefore not very stimulating. my mum is very socially skilled but hates large groups because they are boring and conformist and she's as far from an autistic spectrum disorder as you can get.
paranoia may stem from not being able to read people and finding it difficult to trust them as a result. the whole world isn't against anyone- to think that the whole world is against you almost, is like saying you are so important that everyone makes an effort to go against you. its more likely that they ignore you and you misinterpret that as a BAD thing rather than the NEUTRAL reaction that it is. this is what depression is like- "oh someone didn't say hello so they hate me", whyen in fact it should be " someone didn't say hello because A. they didn't see/remember me B. they were engaged in another activity C. they couldn't be arsed" and in the worst case scenario here (they couldn't be arsed) its NOT A BAD reaction its an INDIFFERENT reaction.
people treat you differently depending on how you treat them. often if you smile at people and make an effort they will be nice back. deep down you are not further on but in the social world people tend to mirror back what you give out. i probably have aspergers (am on the border) and i have been diagnosed bipolar, but i have worked in an airport dealing with huge volumes of passengers for two years now and its made me realise most people are simply okay, nothing more; a few are massive arseholes who try to make life difficult; and a small amount but larger than the arseholes is a group of people who are far above the norm in terms of frendliness and goodwill.
that is my experience as a man who has to work out people's reactions through logic as opposed to understanding them easily
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A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (5 May 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have most of those Asperger traits but I definetely don't try to take over conversations by doing all the talking and not caring what the other person says.
I have a flat voice, I don't make much eye contact, I have weird body movements, and I make strange comments.
The reason I have these traits is because I feel uncomfortable around large groups of people. And sometimes if I look at a person for too long, they falsely accuse me of being attracted to them. That's why I don't like to make eye contact.
I am seeing a Psychiatrist in another town in a few weeks. If I have Schizophrenia, I don't know anything about it. Schizophrenia and Asperger Syndrome are similar in some ways, but tests have shown that I probably have Asperger Syndrome because I don't say bizarre things ALL the time.
I will answer some of the other questions later. Thank you to all of you for your answers. I won't mention anyone in case I leave someone out. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Bruce, your Asperger syndrome means that your approach to the world is different than non-Asperger's people. You may exhibit characteristics that set you apart and has isolated you from the mainstream of people.
Because of this involuntary social isolation, you may be depressed. This is a cyclical thing, a vicious circle, if you will. Being evaluated and treated if necessary for depression would be a good thing to put on your to-do list, sooner rather than later.
Do you have hobbies and interests that you can share with other people? Making friends through pursuit of shared interests is one common way of meeting up with people.
When you go out, do you make eye contact, speak to people, smile and appear approachable? If you don't know, have someone assess you and tell you how you are doing appearing more "normal" as regards social interaction.
Your "default" position seems to be suspicion of people's motives. This is an example of how your thought process may be interfering with your approach to people. So can you change your thought to one of, "this is a person I would like to get to know a little better. What is his name? What can I find out about his interests in this short interaction?" Basically try to derail that inner voice or thought pattern that is suspicious and distrustful of people.
"Normal" people consider certain behaviors "strange." Not making eye contact, repetitious or "odd" body movements, abrupt or monotonal voice, one-sided verbosity (in that you do all the talking), some of the traits of someone with Asperger syndrom; these will set you apart from the mainstream. Can you tell us if you do any of those things? Have you asked anyone to assess you on these things?
You have asked before about how to ask girls out. You have the cocky/arrogant vs. sensitive New Age question out there. I'd like to read an account of a recent approach to a girl. What did you say, what did you look like as you were saying it, what did she say? Could you write up an encounter as if it were a play and give us some insight into that for you?
Have you considered starting to think everytime you meet someone new, "this is a potential new friend. This person just needs to understand me, as I need to understand him/her. I will not assume they are against me from the start. This is a fresh start."
Again, I'm not a expert in this, so I would tell you to go see the experts who are working on mainstreaming those with Asperger syndrome. Your question is a common one, based on my limited reading on the subject. So you are "normal" in that sense.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 May 2010):
 This is not something you can overcome alone, you need to seek professional help. This sounds to me like paranoid schizophrenia and you really must go to a doctor to get help for this. I know it will be scary but you can live a normal life with schizophrenia as long as it is being treated. I know a few people with this illness who have gone on to get married and have children, and lead a happy life. This can be you as long as you seek treatment for it, because without treatment schizophrenia will only get worse and become more uncontrollable.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 You have already taken the first step. Now gird your loins and make an appointment to see a GP, tell them what you have said here, they will be able to refer you to somebody who will be able to help. Just be aware that it has taken you almost 30 years to get to this point, it is going to take more than a few visits to undo all those 30 years.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, nice and slow  +, writes (5 May 2010):
relationships will happen when you are not looking. instead of being frustrated, i think you should distract yourself and focus on improving yourself and do things that make you happy. take on a sport, hobby, volunteer, go traveling, go back to school, go to the gym, hang out with buddies... do anything that will invest in yourself.
when you are distracted, you are less likely to think of relationships. all the while you are having fun and improving yourself, you will make friends and meet women along the way. it will happen when you are not wanting it so badly. good luck with this.
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