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female
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anonymous
writes:How do I stop being needy and clingy? I am easily hurt and easily disappointed and I constantly need reassurance and unconditional love. I know unconditional love is practically non existent but I need it. If I don't get it I start to feel depressed and empty inside. Like I am not living, my life is just existing. I constantly need to feel loved and appreciated. If the person who is supposed to be loving me slips up for just a second I get disappointed and want to give up on the whole thing. I constantly need it and if a slight moment passes without it I feel neglected. I know that I have unrealistic ideals of what love should be. When it comes to love I am a perfectionist. If even the slightest thing causes it not to be a perfect as I want it to be I end it.I am insecure. I find it hard to trust people and think that they will let me down. This is because everyone does let me down. But that is only because I am easily hurt and I am overly sensitive and because I have unrealistically high expectations, and a strong need for constant love. I desperately need it. I know what my problem is and why it is happening but I want to know how to fix this problem. How do I stop being needy and clingy? What can I do to help myself? I don’t want to go on like this because if I do I will never be happy in my relationships with people. I want to be happy. I want to be normal. I don’t want to be needy and clingy anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): HiThis posting has come in the nick of time and helped and changed my life!I am a Bi man.I have always had this problem with both sexes. hah! Double trouble! It seeems to be worse with men!I totally understand you.I am like this too..i want to love and give and care so much.I can do this eterenally..but it overwhlems the other person.I really will never understand why another persn dsnt want to recieve love.However i have just come out of a relationship with a man who i love deeply and intensly.However, he couldn't take it anymore and said he had to keep away from me for a few days.When eh came back he told me it was over.I thouht i would die.I decided i NEVER want to go through this pain again.It's woke me up!I WILL DO ANYTHING NOT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN AND LOSE SM1 I LOVE!And i believe what all you guys and girls have said is true!Being clingy is sure fire route to destroying a relationship. Also, be careful on how much emotion and love you give with regards to intesity.Let it out in drips abd drabs..sometimes more..sometimes less.control it if you can.Although you and me are amazingly inrense and deep,,which is BEAUTIFUL quality..others can find this too much if its constant. Also, be healthy, do sports, arts, volunteer work, etc..it is a massive help! You need space yourself..to simply let yr emotional pain and thoughts settle.Because you cant even think straighht right now.Let them settle a bit and carry on reading what we have all wrote and other things on net. i promise you will HEAL. You know it's insecurity...but you now know what you have to do..! I mean if you were single..it'd be great..cause it would mean that you would have time to develop you an dthen you can deal with others!!I wish you all the best!! Love
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): i am the exact same way. i'm only clingy because i care about this boy a lot and his friends say i am the best thing to happen in his life but i dont see why he doesnt realize it. my advice to you is that its okay to be clingy but i'm gonna try and let the person that i like come to me for once. reading your story i just cant believe that there are so many people in the world that are similar to me
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I completely understand what you mean and feel the same way about myself. As a young guy, its hard to fit in with alot of people because of the qualities that I have. I consider myself a kind and compassionate person, and with that comes a certain expectation in others to reciprocate my kindness. Of course, the ridiculously high standards I set for all my friends could never realistically be met, so I always set myself up to be disappointed. What helps me put things into perspective whenever people let me down is realizing that they may not be comfortable with being as open about their love as me. I can't judge people for being the way they are because I could never understand what they have been through. But what I keep telling myself is that being a loving person is an invaluable quality that is needed in the world, and regardless of how many times humanity lets me down, I'm going to keep loving the world as I see fit. I know its kind of idealistic, but without people like us, the world would be a very dark and cold place. And it may take years or even an entire lifetime for us to realize just how much light we brought into the lives of the people we knew and cared for. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I had to respond to this one! My advice to you.... get some great girlfriends and go have fun.... There is no substitute for this, not even a man. I am divorced now for 4 years and if I didn't have my "girls" I don't know what I would have done. I think we (women) need to fall in love with ourselves for awhile and focus on making ourselves happy.... Men are wonderful, and I have a great group of male "friends" too.... But if you are falling in love this often, then I think you have a problem with jumping in too soon and getting hurt. A man can never "complete" you, just as you can never "complete" a man. The best relationships are those where two people "complement" one another's lives..... No room for "NEED" in my opinion, but lots of "WANT". Take a step back and focus on you and your friends for awhile and have fun!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): Yep i have the same problem i tend to me clingy and needy and i have this friend called Ian and he's a really nice guy but i also like him alot and he knows because i told him and i keep being clingy with him i follow him and other people like a puppy dog but i'm going to try and stop this. The reason i do this is because in the past people i thought were my friends hurt me and it ended badly so i'm trying to hold on to him and i think i'm pushing him away in the process but i'm going to stop now so i can save our friendship. I also let my feelings for him get to my head but i'm not anymore i guess all i have to do is let go and breath and just pay attention to the clingy things i do and just stop doing them.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): It's initially comforting to find so many people feeling the same things as me, but then quite depressing as I'm desperate for an answer. I'm in a relationship with a dismissive-avoidant woman who also displays a lot of classic passive-aggressive behaviour (she was damaged by bereavement in childhood). When the relationship began I felt strong and at least as much in control of it as her, but now things have changed. I never seem to be able to get a straight answer from her, which upsets me, and I seem to be losing myself. I've stopped doing the things I used to enjoy because they don't seem to mean anything any more, and I spend my whole time thinking about her, and generally in an unhappy way. Whenever we're together, I just find myself thinking about when she has to go.It's a Catch-22. I want to talk to her about the situation, but I'm scared that this will push her into dumping me.I know the advice, too: all the learning to love yourself stuff, and making an effort to do your own thing, etc etc, (and I have no truck with gods) but that all just feels impossible. As I write this I can feel the tears pricking my eyes. And my stomach is in pain.If I didn't love her, I could be strong. GS
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): i exactly like that and if i dont stop its just goin split me and my fiancee up she is more independent than me and the reason i am clingy is cus past relationships and things that have happened in the past. im sick of us arguin and stressin out each other and trust me i have bin there with past relationships and it not hard for men to show this it just means there more carin than some jerks out there like the blokes i know they have more than 5 on the go and id rather stick to one girl but women dont get why were clingy and the dont realise we find it hard to trust cus of past sitiuations we do trust them but find it hard and some times we want to make great impression but they dont realise it and the hole inside i know im feelin it now but u cant see each other every minute of the day no matter how much u want to my fiancee is right though i didnt see for a day and i tell u wat we were so close the next day we couldn't stop huggin and kissin so my advice is try to see from a diff point of view cus in the end if u dont it will break ur heart i know hopefully my fiancee will try to see my point of why im clingy from dave in leamington spa
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reader, the life lounge +, writes (8 February 2008):
Hi there.I would first say to accept that side of,dont give urself a hard time because of it.But the only person who can fill that emptiness and insecurity is u.some more advice tomorrow.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): If you feel like you need sex, just masturbate to porn...if that's the reason you are needy. Seriously. It works. Women love men who can survive on their own. Women love men who are self-confident. If you want a sure confidant boost, I suggest getting the DVD collection of "The Sopranos". Let's face it, most of them don't have muscles, but do get women. Why? It's because how they carry themselves. They dress to impress, and they aren't needy. One woman rejects them, they take it as "There loss and anther woman's gain. I'm not saying be a bad guy, but have the image that you don't give a damn if people like you or not. I used to be like you, but from a few good friends being there for me and offering me advice, I'm getting laid left-and-right by different women. The trick is have them chase you, not the other way around. One website I find helpful is: askmen.com
Good luck brother!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): you guys gave a lot of good advice, but i think clingyness is a problem that occurs early on and determines what happens in relationships, if time is never taken out to acknowledge that it is problem from within that can only be solved by you and the help of a self help book or a therapist, a good book to read is "why men love bitches" it gives you advice from becoming doormat to dreamgirl
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): i am a male, 30 years old. good looking, at times surpassingly confident. but, then when i meet a girl, that sweeps me off my feet, into that abyss of fantasy land, i seem to come apart. and at the first sign of any real, or perceived, rejection, i fall into a devastating pattern of clingyness. i feel that this is usually a female problem, but us men can have it too. i often think that i would be a great gay male since this affect seems very feminine to me. it sucks, because women are more allowed to be needy then men are in society. i am not saying it is any harder for me over females out there, i am simply stating that on top of all the needy stuff i also have to struggle with feeling demascunalized.
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female
reader, Pattiepie  +, writes (18 December 2007):
Wow, I am in the same exact situation. I am so needy I can't stand myself. It has destroyed my relationship because I can't stand on my own two feet. Problem is I live with him and I can't leave until May when the lease is up on my home that I own because I rent it out. I dont want to go though, I want to fix what is broken. No matter how much I tell myself that I don't want to be needy anymore, I just can't do it. I have pushed him away. What can I do to get him back? I obsess about the thought of never being with him again, my stomach is in knots every waking minute of my day. How do I release this and just breath. How do I learn to just be? I want to do this but I don't know how. I want to take care of myself and be strong but I can't.
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reader, Pattiepie +, writes (18 December 2007):
Wow, I am in the same exact situation. I am so needy I can't stand myself. It has destroyed my relationship because I can't stand on my own two feet. Problem is I live with him and I can't leave until May when the lease is up on my home that I own because I rent it out. I dont want to go though, I want to fix what is broken. No matter how much I tell myself that I don't want to be needy anymore, I just can't do it. I have pushed him away. What can I do to get him back? I obsess about the thought of never being with him again, my stomach is in knots every waking minute of my day. How do I release this and just breath. How do I learn to just be? I want to do this but I don't know how. I want to take care of myself and be strong but I can't.
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reader, mj  +, writes (10 December 2007):
Hi!!!
I felt the same way you're constantly feeling now.... What i did about this thing was keep on reading articles on how to feel good about myself...Remember to always pray.. You'll then feel relieved....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): If I really like the woman, I have realized that I can be a needy, hopeless romantic who wants to be with her as much as I can. I don't mind if she is needy. I LIKE IT! It shows she really likes me... What's wrong with that???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): I have the exact same problem. I can't tell you how much I have been hurt by pushing people away who I wanted to get close too. As a matter of fact I was just told two days ago that a guy who really liked me thought I was too clingy and that it was a total turn-off. All I can say is that if it is because you have been hurt in the past like I have, don't let it control you. It was in the past so don't let it control your future. Occupy yourself with other things that you can indulge in that will take your mind off of them. Try not to constantly want to talk to them by getting rid of contact options. I asked my dad to take away my cell phone so I couldn't call him and if he called the house I wouldn't answer. I don't have his email so I can't email him either. So far it is working. Hope it helps, best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): Use clingy actions to your advantage.
Its ok to be clingy, but stop, from time to time.
Trust me they will miss it.
Even if you have to get a calendar, and schedule non clingy times.
Show up late once in a while to a date.
Don't call on time.
Disappear for a little while, unexpectedly.
Be as clingy as you want, just stop sometimes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): I have been, and to tell you the truth, it was painful to go through someone telling you not to call for three days, but realized how silly I was feeling. Thinking, oh my God, how am I going to survive obstacles without that person there helping me. Anyway, It was the best thing someone did for me...we are good friends, helping me with a lot issues, but, it gives you a reality check in the end, and realizing that being needy will push people away from you!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): im just like you. im very needy. and everytime i have an issue with my other half i say " this is not working out" bt i dont mean it...i just want his attention. and i dont always get it. i want to change too. this isnt the wayto be, especially of we choose to be in a relationship. we would just push them away.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Oh my god, I also have a problem such as this! My boyfriend of two years left me because of it! God I love him so much, and now I am healing and I realise that it is my fault. I recognize that I have a problem and need help. It may have come from the fact that my Dad totally ignores me and left our family to be with another woman. I really am trying to stay busy by meeting people and exercising. I also am dieting, and as I am fat, I'm loosing weight and my confidence has improved. I know that I have lost someone I truly loved because of my character, but hopefully I will heal well and not do the same to my future boyfriend.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Just like the song says, hold on loosely but don't let go. I was in a relationship where it ended, thank god, but on the note that I was too clingy. My current relationship however I learned from and I give my girlfriend her space. Yeah, sometimes I just want to hold on to her love her so much, but that actually can push her away. I always love her to the greatest extent in sex. Outside of that only once and a while do I really show her how desperately I am in love with her. The key is to just be yourself. Remember how you were without a partner -you didn't need anyone and just went on with life alone, went to bed alone. Enjoy sleeping with someone else, but don't enjoy it so much as to suffocate your partner. Yes, you want to enjoy every moment together but let those feelings out during sex or intimate moments. You need to maintain that part of you that that person fell in love with. They fell in love with you and not you attached to the hip of someone else. You need to love yourself and be happy without having to always touch or express your feelings so much to your partner. Otherwise you can wear out the significance. It may be hard at first, but try it out for a couple days (3) and just see what happens. I bet you that once you start leaving your partner to themselves and you to yourself (still do stuff together, of course) they will start initiating the contact that you so desire. You don't have to force it on them, they can come to you because they fell in love with you. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship(s). A few other suggestions that I have to help in this are: Work out, pray to God.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): Wow - I am exactly the same as you and am currently having probs because of it at the moment! Started off with an argument with my boyfriend Sunday and I have been feeling miserable all week - but mostly I make things worse for myself as I keep thinking he's going to leave me. I hate it when he doesn't want to see me all the time or doesn't text or call!! it makes me feel sick!! I am going to see a councellor Monday but don't know whether to tell my boyfriend or not. I believe I am insecure and in constant need of reassurance from men as my dad died when I was 9 and I don't think I dealt with it properly at the time. Plus I have had 2 serious boyfriends leave me for other people and they both told me I was too clingy!! I can completely sympathise with you! Any help would be greatly appreciated!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): This is what has helped me:A 12 step program.To live one day at a timeTo belive, trust and hand events and things over to a higher power. To ask this Higher power to help and guide me. I choose to call my higher power God. And he loves and cares for me in a real way. Every thing else comes from this relationship .I suffered so much feeling unloved and needy, now I am beginning to feel like a real person . now I try to share freely of myself with others rather than use or be used by them. I know am and never have been alone. Lots of Love Jane.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): I have two tips... I am in a new relationship right now and am trying not to be needy. I try to find things to do and I erased his number from my cel phone since I do not know it by memory I cannot call him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): I am almost 50 years old and have had this problem all my life. I am only realising where I have gone wrong in relationships. I am in a happy one now and determined not to let my insecurity wreck it like it has every other. I know this has come from my childhood. I was never praised, made to feel troublesome etc etc. If you dont get confidence from your parents, how are you suppose to form relationships in the future. Dont let this spoil your life, get some help from a counsellor or something (pick the right one, as some as just ageing hippies) Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): It sounds like you are the anxious-preoccupied category in the attachment theory. I've been doing alot of reading about this and I am also in this category. I also believe this changes depending on the relationship. Things like the person you are with and the circumstances they are in in their life and the person you are and the circumstances in your life. I was never clingy until I found a woman I believe to be the only one right for me. And she is in the dismissive attachment category. Work on Hobbies, Love Yourself More, stay healthy and excercise are my ideas.
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reader, gabwid +, writes (26 April 2007):
I can well identify with this question of neediness and here i am at 57yrs old and still not cured! I make the mistake of appearing needy to boyfriends and that is not very attractive and I guess will push them away. My problem is how do you alter the situation and prove to your boyfriend or partner that you are not that needy even though both parties have identified the problem. Thanks to anyone who can throw some light on the matter. Moondew
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reader, bigdaddysgirl1821 +, writes (28 February 2007):
I think that what you need to do is look past your insecurities, it's obvios that the guy likes you because if he didnt he wouldnt be with you... You need to let the past be the past, if people have let you down before, dont let those people ruin it for the new people in the future.... I used to be like this in the beginning of my relationship, but i had to get over that quick because it was destroying the relationship.... perfection has never been mastered.... perfection is over rated.... Just go with the flow hunn, keep it all real.... Deal with the present and forget the past, you can't perfect the past, but you can to make the best out of what you have now....
18 and opinionated
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male
reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (27 February 2007):
 No. If a person is in a relationship for dependency it will always eventually end, or become abusive. Successful relationships work when both people choose freely to make a commitment to one another. They do not work when the other person "fills" something that is missing in that person. This is because people by their nature change over time. People are not rocks, they can not be used to fill a hole inside. The hole must be fixed by themselves.Two clingy people in a relationship are really going to end up hurting each other, sooner, or later. Even a clingy person wants to feel independence. Eventually one person will feel trapped and seek more independence. The other will dislike this, and then the one seeking the independance will feel rejected and become needy again, what a mess that will be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I wrote this question. Thanks for the advice. Do you think two clingy people will work in a relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Im a GUY who is exactally like you.Which makes it doubly worsecause it makes me feel less like a man. I do art - lots and lots of it - it keeps my mind active and helps keep me from obsessing.Try to find an interest that occupies your time and mind it really helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): I suffer from the exact same tendencies and my relationship is having problems right now because of it. I really like this guy and I think it's natural to want to spend heaps of time with him, but I forget sometimes that he has family, work and friends that deserve some of his time too. To try and work on my "neediness" I've been spending more time with friends, doing things I love and remembering what I used to be like before he was in the picture.
I think guys find it sexy when we can show that we are independent and can stand on our own two feet. Maybe give him a bit of space and a bit of a chance to miss you - absence does make the heart grow fonder, after all.
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reader, lovehelpplz +, writes (3 January 2007):
i also have the same problem. i just feel like i always need to talk to my boyfriend. i feel if i dont see him or talk to him for a couple days that he doesnt love me. i try so hard to fix it, but it just keeps on coming up. we get into arguments all the time about this problem. i just don't know what to do. he gets upset at me if i ask him to hang out after hanging out 3 days ago. it has been going on for a while. i just need help. i love him to death, and i dont want to be needy anymore. PLEASE HELP ME!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Wow, I dont have any good tips, but I am going through the EXACT same thing. I know how it feels, hun. I hate it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): ohh sorry I did not see you were a female plz forgive me and I really would like to hear what people told you and what your results were thanks again
~Frank
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThamk you so much everyone for helping me. I really appreciate it. I will take your advise and apply it to my life. Thakns alot!
But I do try to stop myself from being clingy. I really do try hard not to look desperate. Like stopping myself from calling or texting or stopping myself from saying something. You know like saying something mushy or calling just to say hi... things like that. But when I do that it just feels like I'm hiding my true feelings. Like I'm holding back on loving the person fully. I constantly give my love hoping that I'll get constant love back and the person just can't keep up.
And also when someone disappoints me I get really deeply hurt and I never forget it and when I try not to let it get to me and overlook the 'wrong' action that the person did, and just say to myself "Get over it. You're being too sensitive, it's not a big deal"... I just feel like I'm settling for less with someone who doesn't love me as much as I love them. Because a lot of the time I would never let them down so I don't understand why they would do it to me.
Maybe I should see a councelor? But thanks again everyone. You've all been a really great help to me. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): Hi the feelings of neediness your having,
most of us feel from time to time they are normal especially when people disapoint and hurt us but Its a problem when it changes how you feel about yourself
it sounds like you've just got to a point where your afraid of anymore hurt so you feel you need to hold onto people but you honestly dont you just need your self esteam back that you have lost over the years from past pain,
I think the way to regain this is to learn to love yourself and become your own best friend because from time to time people although they may not mean to are going to let us down they may return they may not but as you grow and change if you can learn to still be happy no matter what you shall find happieness with life.
I know your sensitive so Im I still but Im a lot stronger then I was this is due to the hard times I faced So you will live and learn as long as you dont let these times make you depressed insted let them make you stronger then I belive then you will find more love then you could ever dream of because people love people who love themselfs(not in a arrogant way) But love themselfs as people and belive in what they are saying and you wont have to hold onto anyone they'll wont to stay cos you enhance there life just by being you!
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reader, eddie  + ♥, writes (16 October 2006):
 I might add, when people are accustomed to be let down by others, sometimes they get so used to it that they crave it. It kind of fills their expectations of " nobody wants me..poor me" IT can become an addiction type thing. Don't fall into that group.
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reader, eddie + ♥, writes (16 October 2006):
You have to figure out why you're this way. It's not a characteristic that will serve you wel over the long run. At first it seems like the relationship is bigger than life itself. It actually does seem that way in the beginning. The truth is you have to develop a sense of self worth. That helps you realize you don't need constant reassurance because with or without it, you are valid.
Talk to a therapist to find out why you need someone else to vaildate you all the time. Of course it's nice to be noticed and made to feel needed. But, relationships have many twists and turns. What will happen, and I speak from experience, is you'll start to believe that when the one you love doesn't dote on you or shower you with admiration and desire, they don't want/love you. While this may not be true, you might see it that way.
You can't rely on others to completely fill that part of your life. You have to be happy with yourself too. Being too clingy will eventually smother the other person as you'll be jealous of any attention they might happen to give to somebody else. Eventually you push the person you love most into a corner when they can't take it anymore. They can never satisfy you or live up to your unrealistic expectations for reassurance.
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reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (16 October 2006):
soulsista is right, I am guessing you have a past whereby you have felt unloved. Sorry to put this so clinical, but, when most people are hurt, they have a "foundation" to fall back on. They know, ultimately, they are worthy of love and that they will return to normal after being hurt.
People who have not such a good childhood do not overcome such emotional rejection so well. But, it is possible.
You will reach an age, after having enough experience, where will you will consciously choose what you want out of life and you will be able to have that. It will happen when you no longer feel guilty or blame yourself for the way you have been mistreated, can love yourself and consequently will be able to trust and love someone. The phrase; you can't love yourself until you love yourself is right. Whether you realise it or not, you do not love yourself right now.
You seek perfection because you know you'll never get it, it's a protective mechanism that stops you from getting hurt.
You know, unconsciously, that no guy will EVER give you what you want so the moment they slip up, you have given yourself evidence and proof that he obviously doesn't love you enough and thus can blame him for the breakup, rather than yourself.
Your childhood, your relationship experiences and your age are all crucial in to how you deal with this situation.
It might be that you change over time, in years, but it may be that you need therapy. Most people would suggest some kind of therapy, but therapy takes many months, sometimes years. I'm currently training to be a hypnotherapist and study NLP neo-ericksonian therapy and would say, in my opinion, you would get signifigant positive results to make you the person you want to be within a few months provided you see a properly trained, experienced and qualified hypnotherapist that compliments it with neuro linguistic programming.
In reply to the last bit, you are normal, you are just slightly off your truth path that would enable you to be the "true" you. I have no doubt you will get through this. I am condensing this massively but a good start to change would be to stop yourself from ever making negative statements about yourself, because I suspect you are probably VERY critical of yourself. Always try and think in the positive, and not the negative. If any of this has made sense to you, PM me with more details of your situation and I'll try help best I can. All the best, ok?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): I agree with the other two aunts.
You need to acknowledge that needy and clingy as you are, you DON'T have to give in to it! You already know that it causes problems with boyfriends - they run away! YOU would run from a boyfriend who acted desperate, as if he couldn't live without you and constantly demanded reassurance all the time! Think about that; put yourself in that place, mentally.
You need to love and accept YOURSELF. Nobody else - no man - can fill that empty space.
You're giving yourself negative messages. Just look at what you've told us: "I am easily hurt and disappointed" I am insecure. If I don't get unconditional love, I feel empty and disappointed inside; life is not worth living.
Try replacing those with things like: I am worthwhile. I am a strong, independent woman. I can handle hurt and disappointment without being devastated. I am worthy of being loved. Keep on telling yourself this - you may not believe it at first, but gradually you may come to convince yourself that it is so. Like an actor learning to play a part. However, I do urge you to find a counsellor you can trust and feel comfortable with, so that you can have some good support in dealing with these issues!
Once you do begin to get a handle on them, your need to find "perfection" in a boyfriend will grow less, and you'll be better able to tolerate those little slips.
Good luck!
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