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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello Aunts and Uncles,two if my dear friends had a fight, I stayed out of it. The one who's in the wrong keeps insisting I take her side, the one who's right is glad I'm out of it.I keep telling the one who's insistent that I like them both and that I won't no part in it and that they should work it out themselves. But she wants me to be the judge. She also refuses to sit and talk with the other friend. I don't want to speculate as to what it is that she wants to achieve, but it could be that she's looking for a win-win. If I take her side, she wins, if I tell her that I share the opinion of the other friend (none of my business, purely theoretically) she will then be able to feel rejected and say that we shunned her.I'm tired of her trying to complain and badmouth the other friend and I don't let her do that. But that is the only thing she wants to do. I don't feel like spending time with her when she is like that and any peacemaking efforts are cut in the bud. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2017): Let them work it out. If you know she's wrong, she knows it too; or she wouldn't need backup.
If you're tired of being pressured, just say so. Tell her you're neutral and you have nothing to do with it. If she insists on making trouble; simply tell her to take a time-out.
You're taking no sides nor will you be bullied into it!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 Yep, I'm with Honeypie. I tell any friend who fights with another one "I'M SWITZERLAND" and REMAIN NEUTRAL.
You staying neutral and not talking about it is the only way you will be able to keep both friends both in the short and long run. Do not be a go-between or pass messages. Tell them both to grow up and resolve this issue.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 I have to agree with the others.
It makes sense that you don't want to get involved in the spat, but if she's insisting on you giving your view and it's different to hers then tell her. That may be the kick up the backside that she needs to apologise.
At least that way she either falls out with you and you and the other friend can be in peace or she acts like an adult and sorts the problem out once and for all.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (21 December 2017):
 Agreed.
I can understand your reluctance to be drawn in but you've been asked for your opinion. So be honest.
She'll either give your opinion some consideration or she'll storm off in a huff. If this is how she handles set backs then she's someone you can do without.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 December 2017):
 You can stay Switcherland forever. That is just not how life works. I get that you don't want part of their drama, but you ARE allowed an opinion. And you can then choose to share or NOT share this opinion.
If the one who WANTS you to join in (and whom you do not agree with, won't accept you saying:" this is between you and Anne and I will NOT participate in that drama, you two work it out" - then tell her your opinion. IF it hurts her feelings that you don't agree, well THAT is on her. You are not COMPELLED to always agree with or take sides.
Sometimes though, people need to hear the truth. Or they need to realize that you are ALLOWED an opinion even if it differs from one or the other.
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male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (20 December 2017):
If she's out of line, tell her-I'm not sure how her knowing she's being shunned is win for her. Being able to dispassionatly gently tell a friend that they are wrong is tough but a good skill to have. If they are a real grown up they should be able to take it. If not and giving the fact that you are struggling to call them out then perhaps you are unconsciously following the GSF. Google them! Friends aren't all equally valuable, chose the reasonable ones!
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