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How do I start? Are there ways to recognise if the signs are right for it to become a relationship or not?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 July 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *eautyandbiscuits writes:

I don't know how to start relationships. After a few dates I always find I want more. This time I went on a date to the cinema and we chatted after. We are now apparently boyfriend and girlfriend but he has only text me once today (we started bf n gf yesterday) and is going to a festival next week for 4 days but says that he is too busy to see me any time before that because he has to plan for the trip. Is he really into me or should i just cut and run?? Thanks for reading and hopefully giving advice

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011):

Take time to get to know the person, do things with them, take your time.

Listen to your heart closely. Don't settle because you are afraid of ending up lonely.

You will know, somehow, although you may be mistaken.

Your question brings back memories, of what could have been.

Flashback to my first girlfriend. Cute girl. I knew her for a year or more, probably closer to two years, she was 2 years younger than me, liked her, started seeing her, couple of months went by and I realized something was missing, but wasn't sure what it was, and she wanted to get married (I did to, but there was something not quite right). Needless to say, it ended, she married a friend of mine that she knew before she met me.

26 years later, I look up an old friend on facebook, he has her listed, and I look at her profile.

She says about what she hates "Books, I've never read a book since college and I'll never read another book as long as I live."

Hell, my wife and I have a house full of books, hundreds, and we've read thousands, and dozens on our Kindles, among other things that were "perfect" when we met.

Yeah, I would have had to put up with someone who didn't like to read, and hated books if I'd had a successful first relationship. I never realized, in 2 months of dating which followed 2 years of knowing her, that she didn't like to read...that could have been a real problem over time.

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A female reader, Beautyandbiscuits United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2011):

Beautyandbiscuits is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Beautyandbiscuits agony auntNo we didn't talk about anything like that. I think it was becuase it was really soon etc... I don't know what he wants but I think that he's scared cause it moved so fast thanks for your comment it made me consider other things that i didn't think about previously

:D

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (1 July 2011):

RedAthena agony auntIn addition to already great advice,

Consider your expectations of a boyfriend. Did you talk about what you expect from one another?

What do you expect regarding calls, dates, texts, expenses, sex, etc?

You should know what HE thinks is reasonable too.

I find too many people expecting their bf/gf to text little love notes all day, hours-long phone calls everynight, dates multiple times a week and then spending all weekend with one another.

No one should feel like they owe ALL their free time to another.

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A female reader, Beautyandbiscuits United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2011):

Beautyandbiscuits is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Beautyandbiscuits agony auntThanks for the advice it was really helpful especially as he just sent me a message saying it was going to fast and he just wanted to be friends at the minute. It is really confusing but i am going to take your advice and give it time and try not to worry about it anymore. Your advice was 5 star thanks

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (1 July 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntHow well do you know this guy? You say you have only been on one date and now you are in a relationship? That is very quick. OK well it is hard to tell if he is interested or not this early on. Maybe he doesn't want to rush things. Everyone is different in relationships maybe he is not one to be clingy or want to spend a lot of time with a girlfriend. That's why it is always good to get to know someone and make sure that you really like them before you get in to a relationship with them. Maybe he is just really busy this week and doesn't have the time. Give it some time and see how it goes and if you are not happy after a while then talk to him and see how it goes. Good luck.

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