A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I find myself getting attached to a girl. I've never felt this way, literally. She is so unique and different from any other girl or person I've ever met. She is so kind and makes me curious to know more about her. She is the most wonderful person in my life. She has shown me a kindness that no one has shown me before. However, the girl has a boyfriend and I found out that her boyfriend is my friend. Now I'm thinking that even if she does like me, it will end up with me losing someone or everyone and getting my heart broken again.I've gotten attached so many times to people and then they left. The person that meant most to me in this world passed away. I've been used so many times because I'm such a caring person. How do I stop feeling?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): You don't stop feeling. You just try protecting yourself a little.
Step back a little and unravel this mental muddle.
You've suffered loss, and you need to realise it will take time to heal.
Perhaps think about staying single a little while to deal with your feelings and find some peace and a way to look forwards in a healthier way x
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 The bad news is that you can't shut off your feelings. You don't always have to follow them in the direction they seem to be taking you though. I would say your obviously responding to the positive qualities this girl has, however, she obviously isnt the only person in the world who possess these qualities. Its only natural given the bad experiences you have had that you have responded to her kindness, however, I think you possibly have a self-destructive side which has chosen to invest so heavily in somebody you cannot have without causing yourself pain. So, its not just her kindness you are responding too but also your self-destructive tendencies and those are the feelings you should try and shut down.I think it would be worth putting yourself out there and trying to find another girl who is as kind too you as this one as she is obviously not the only girl capable of kindness too you. Meanwhile, there is no harm in cultivating a friendship with this one, and if I am honest, this maybe better for you in the long run in any case as this will probably last longer than any relationship would.
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