A
female
age
30-35,
*btts
writes:Me and my 1.5 year bf just broke up last week. It came out of the blue. We were in a long distance for about 9 months. We always texted each other and try to make skype call everyday. About 2 months ago I suggested him that he should move back to him hometown which I'm living in. But he's now in my hometown and want to continue travelling. But he wants to continue going to another country and continue this long distance relationship. So I suggested that he should move back here for awhile then he can go to another country and I'll go with him. He thought it's a good idea but he needed time to think about it and I gave it to him. 2 days before the break up he felt lost and sad about he doesn't know what he wants in his life. He said he's confused. I'm there to support him on skype and he said he wants to discussed it with his mum. The conversation was normal apart from hes still confused about his life and he still reassure me that we will work on the relationship together. He talked to his mum on skype while I was waiting to support him after the talk. But that ha never happened he starred to blocked me on everything. I tried to call him but I can't get a hold of him. Then his mum called me to tell me that he wanted to brake up with me and he's just very emotional right now and he wished not to speak to me. I decided to fly back to get to talk to him as I think I deserve an explanation and I know him that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. We were like best friends and partners. I waited for him at his work and weve got a sit down and a talk. He seems really painful. It physically hurt him when I asked him what happened. He shaked and crying, which is unexpected he's never cried. While we see each other hes the one who can't connect to his emotions and now it's just so overwhelming for him. He told me in the past year he has been trying to make me happy make sure that I'm happy because itbhurts him to see me upset and crying when we had an arguments. When hwent out with his friends he always worry if I'm going to be upset and be home late to skype with me. I know that it my fault to make him think like that. But for over a year I've changed I trusted him more and I actually want him to go out with his friends. But he said he's too worry anyways he knows that I wa sanctuary fine but he can't get the picture of me crying and upsetting, they haunted him evrytime he knows that something could make me unhappy. He told me that he wasn't confident enough to be himself and tell me about the problem because whatever problems we had we always discuss them together. And this is his problem that he feel not so confident to be true to himself. The idea of me being upset of him breaking up with me killing him and the best way to do it is cut me off in every ways. He knows that he can't stand to see me calling him he never open any emails I sent him. He afraid that he would want to talk to me. He said cutting me out of his life make he wants to throw up. It hurts me to see him being like that and never talked to me about it. I just wish he told me so I could be there for him. And work it out together. I asked him if we could hang out like friends and he said he's not ready to hangout with me and when I asked him the question he started to shake and crying that I needed to hold him and tell him everything is ok which normally he's the one whdoes that. I was so calm and understanding but I just wish we had a chance to fix this together. I have to fly back next week so I emailed him about that I'm glad we get to talk and I totally respect his idea. But I want to see him as much as i can while I'm here just for a week and I dot. Think I'll ever see him again or talk to him again when he's ready to unblock meHe emailed me back that we can go gor lunch together and he will meet me at the restaurant he asked me if I want to do the relationship talk or just hanging out. I didn't reply to that question b hi r I think I'll try to stay far away from the relationship talk. Since eim here I told him that of course I need to hear the explanation but the main point I'm here is to be there for him as I know that he would need his close Friend. I still want to get back with him but I think this is not the right time to do it because I know that it wouldn't work until he understand what he wants I'm his life and to forget the picture of me being upset when he can't make me happy ( which he said that it impossible for hom to forget) he said he doesn't think we could be back together even in the future because he thinks that it won't work out. So I'll just leave that for awhilefor him to be himself and find his confident again I just wonder what can I do for the best while I'm here for a week and what things to do or say when I meet him and to reassure him that I'll always be there for him but not forcing him to feel like I'm trying to get back together with him?
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female
reader, Nbtts +, writes (30 July 2014):
Nbtts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had lunch together yesterday. With normal conversation like when we were together. We talked about memories and share lives like we used to. About the relationship part, I told him that of course I'd want to be with him but I am not ready and he's not ready. But I don't like the idea that he think that we will never be together again. If we cross path and we are different people in the future I hope it works out. He said yeah if it meant to be. I'm still the person that he cares alot. He said he will unblock me in a few months. But he will email me to update his life. I offered to drive him home but he said he will go home by himself as he need to process his thought. We agree to meet again on Friday before I fly back on Sunday. He emailed me to say thank you for choosing the nice restaurant and he had a great time with me.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (29 July 2014):
 I think that you shouldn't continue to pester him for answers as he may feel smothered. You should give him the space that he needs because as you've said, he would like to travel his life away which is his dream, as odd as it may seem being a hippie all your life without really settling down some place, it's what he wants. I feel that he may have some deep emotional issue to deal with here and maybe what he doesn't need is to see you when you're one of the aspects of his life that he's trying to escape. Maybe the only things that you can do for him is let him know that you'll always be there for him and then leave him alone until he decides to proceed contact with you. That's all you can do right now. Maybe it will be a good thing if you also see this as space that you need in order to work on yourself and also figure out what you want etc. This may not be a bad thing but one thing is for sure, this guy is battling some emotional issues. Give him the space he needs.
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A
female
reader, Nbtts +, writes (29 July 2014):
Nbtts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe travels to fulfil his life. It's his dream to keep travelling. I think yeah you can say that itsbhippie kind. But he stays in one country for more than 6 months. In my opinion I think he's too immature to deal with emotions problem and that's why he can't confront it with me and that's why he's a close person
I'm the only one in his life that he's open up to. I think that's why It might be more painful for him to breaking up with me as he doesn't really have that many friends who actually he feel comfortable with. Although he doesn't feel comfortable around me now
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 July 2014):
 Does he travel for work or he is like a hippie wandering from place to place? If he's the latter, then he is escaping or he wants his freedom. Or maybe he wants to find himself and do some soul searching. What you requested was reasonable. He was sad because you clearly wanted to be with him. The ball is in his court but he can't offer you what you want. Usually the girl cries harder but you are very calm compared to him. Makes me wonder if he is suffering from depression.
His behavior is showing you that he doesn't want you to wait because it hurts him more to hang on to his feelings and then to have you desert him for another man. So he would rather cut it off first. This friendship is hurting him and preventing him from moving on.
For you to travel to him, it means you took the break up personally. It's not about you or how you are not good enough. Until he can love himself he can't love you. And you "being there" is just giving him pressure to grow up, even when that's not your intention.
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