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How do I prepare to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 June 2007) 18 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2012)
A female United States age 22-25, *d082337 writes:

Ok so I have been going out with this guy now for about 2 years and I am 16 and he is 26.. I know the age right. Well he has deffently had sex. And I have but it was always really quick in and out. So I am worried that I might bleed while I have sex with him for the first time. I am also I might not have an orgasm or it might sound weird. (since I have never had one) I am also worried that I might be too tight for him to get in... What should I do? Is there alot of blood if you do bleed?? Like noticeable on the sheets. What should the orgasm sound like? How do I get really lose for him to get in??

View related questions: orgasm, too tight

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012):

My answer probably very different from many others is don`t have sex with him.

By the huge gap in age difference he is using you.

I can tell this because when you have 10 years in a difference between him, he has had plenty more experience than you .

Even if you don`t take my word and you DO have sex, he will get arrested.

In your mind it sounds like just having a fun sex but really he will get charged for rape.

Sorry for saying this but you need advice and i`m giving you some.

I hate to be on the side of people trying to persuade some one to do something but this age difference is a really big deal.

No offence.

I hope whatever you chose to do is what you`ve thought about first and I personally think you should do whatever your little heart desires sweetie.

Just remember to think twice because i`ve been dumped before and the pain is too much .

Whatever you decide to do i`m fine with it but i`m just advising for you.

Be sure to think long and hard about it sweetie.

I hope he dos´nt break your heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

Ok, so yea the age difference is a lil over the limit but love has no numbers right? OK so here's what you do...remember to have a condom, most def, and also recall there is nothing that u can do wrong. Trying new positions for ur first time is not the best idea, but if ur partner is experienced and is comfortable with showing you how to "move" then go ahead but be GENTLE! Fingering occasionally by a guy, is the best way to get loosened up before intercourse because they say if u wait and either do oral sex or "hand" sex then its perfect when u do experience it. Most importantly, know that u may no come for the first time. Its natural. Relax put on some slow music and stay calm...and there wont be much blood just spots...But ask ur partner he should know, shouldnt he?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010):

Why would he go to jail if she's 16? Thats over the age limit!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010):

do what your heart tells you to do.... lol

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A female reader, Immi United Kingdom +, writes (16 January 2010):

I was young dum and inlove and got my man sent to jail so don't do the same it was a stupid desision, and I was worried for weeks before hand it turned out okay but I do regret my moves!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008):

Shes not stupid she knows theres a big age gap, so is there any point telling her this?

The first time you have sex it will hurt, but not all people enjoy it the first time.Dont let this put you off because you will find the second time that it will be less painful and much more fun.But because you have already had sex you will know that, so if i was you i would put two condoms on two of your fingers and i think you will know where to put it.

hope this helps

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):

some people are getting a little confused on here - the age of consent is different in America than in the u.k in the u.k it is 16 whereas across the pond (if i am not mistaken) it is 18. Either way i think the age gap is pretty huge especially when you are 16 - my advice is dont do it if he is forcing you into sex, get rid of him he is no good for you.

hope it works out,

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007):

he would go to jail becaeuse she is a miner she would have to be 18 for it NOT to be consitered rape. rape is a crime and he could go to jail.

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A female reader, thaprincess Guatemala +, writes (26 August 2007):

thaprincess agony auntsimply think about this... when you were born, he was 10, when you were five and playing with your barbies, he was 15 and probably having sex already!!!!!!! dont do it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007):

Ok, I meant to say, 'Why would HE* go to jail, as she's 16?!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007):

I don't get it... Why would she go to jail? She's 16.

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A male reader, sweet2007 India +, writes (23 August 2007):

Hi, there is nothing 2 worry in this.

Do one thing in night when you are alone in ur bedrrom. Take some jeelly and rub it in ur vagina.

cut ur nails, and insert ur finger gently.

In starting it gives little pain but afterwords you aenjoy a lot.

Then insert two fingures both to loosen. Then u can try whatever u want.

If u want to enjoy try to touch the ur gspot.

Reply me asap

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007):

that is too much of an age difference... & although it may seem to you that you're in love & that he did wait for you that shouldnt matter he still is a MAN and you are a child in comparison to him. now if you where the third person here lookin into this relationship from the outside what would you think? it seems that he really cares about you but how much do you care about him? remind him about the age difference & that you dont want him to go to jail because of you. find yourself someone your age & if he's willing to wait longer then stay in the relationship but otherwise get out of there & remember sex isnt a way to prove your love for each other it is a way to show it so dont feel pressured & seriously think about it before you decide anything

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A female reader, Taken81905 United States +, writes (27 June 2007):

just like the other person said ..dont have sex with him..gurl this is a big age different no matter how much u want too have sex with him..he will go to jail..an it could probably lead to something else..i wouldnt even bother having sex with him..find someone around your age ..its more safe ..i know its hard but it worth it

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (26 June 2007):

DV1 agony auntYou don't prepare. If you have sex with him, he will go to jail. I'm really suprised that everyone on here would be pushing you to go through with it. You want him to go to jail? That's a little selfish...

DV1

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A female reader, jtaunton5410 United States +, writes (26 June 2007):

jtaunton5410 agony aunt Ok Well if you two have been together for 2 years and he has waited for you to be ready to have sex then this sounds like a pretty respectful guy. So forget the age part. Now, yes most girls do bleed the first time because it is beasically stretching you out, dont worry you are not gonna be pouring out blood, and the blood is a light pink color. Not dark red like period blood. Dont be worried about you bleeding because it is only normal and he should know that too. When you loose your virginity more than likely you wont have an orgasm, because he hasnt gone deep enough inside of you for him to get to the spot that feels good. So basically just take it slow the first time. And sooner or later it will start to feel very good. Now the best position for first time sex is you lying down on your back at the foot of the bed. This helps spread your legs more and make more room for him. Have him stand up in front of you because then there is a good way for him to enter you without anything getting in the way, like sheets, your legs and anything else. When you orgasm you breathe heavy and moan. However you may not want to do that the first time and I mean fake it because he may know that you are faking it since orgasming the first time is very rare. Make sure that you are aslo very wet, either use lubrication or have him touch you so he can slide in more easliy. Now I know you are probably wondering what it feels like when he is going inside you. The best way that I could describe is it feels very tight. And when he goes in deper you will feel a slight burn because he is streching you out a little. kinda like an indian burn but it only lasts for little bit. Dont worry this is a wonderful experience for two people who love eachother and the second time you do it, it will be much easier and there will be less pain. Good Luck xoxo.

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A female reader, Miss_Oz United Kingdom +, writes (26 June 2007):

Miss_Oz agony auntI think it's responsible of you to have waited to have sex with him until now. The first time you have sex and sometimes a few times after, it is normal to bleed; there shouldn't be much blood however, as only a very small area of you (your hymen) is damaged during intercourse. If you've had intercourse before, I doubt you will bleed this time with your boyfriend. Your vagina may be tighter than someone with more experience but this is no certainty that he will have any trouble penetrating you. If you are worried about this, tell him; as he is older and has more experience, he will understand. Engage in lots of foreplay beforehand; have him stimulate your clitoris and your other erogenous zones (as an older man, he will most likely know what to do) to relax and arouse you. If you are aroused and relaxed, your vagina will naturally become moist and expand to make entry much easier. Before you let him penetrate you with his penis, have him use a finger, maybe two. Ask him to take his time with you. If it is rushed, you won't enjoy it and I'm sure he wants you both to be equally pleasured. (After 2 years of dating, he is clearly not just after sex with you.) As far as an orgasm goes, they differ greatly between different people. Some people barely make a noise but move around a lot; some people simply breathe heavier than usual. Some people moan and gasp and make general pleasurable noises, simple 'ah's' and 'oh's'; there's no way to tell what you will do naturally when you experience your first orgasm. Just relax and don't worry about it too much; when you reach orgasm, you may find it feels so good you don't really care what you sound like and he probably won't care either. Some men like their sexual partners to be vocal but mostly, he will likely be happy to have pleasured you and be making love with you. Use a condom, even if you are on the contraceptive pill; accidents happen and if he's had past lovers, there's a chance he could have an STI (sexually transmitted infection.) You should both get yourselves tested to be on the safe side. Best of luck.

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A female reader, Gbaby United States +, writes (26 June 2007):

First of all I am sure you know this but I write it because this was something that happened to me. My first was a 28 year old man when I was only 16. I had everything my little immature heart could ask for with him; I had problems at home and he was my haven. Now I realize that he took advantage of my innocence and youth and inexperience to make me his, he even tried to get me pregnant without my consent! So please reach deep inside of you and really think about what you are doing with a MAN. You need to be with guys your age, enjoy your youth and your curiosity with guys your age! They might not know what they are doing but you can learn together. Ultimately it is your decision to do it or not but ask yourself this question. What is grown man doing with a minor?

Good luck

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