A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 7 years. I am 25 years old and met my ex-husband who just turn 47 in a different country. We got married and after a year he brought me to US. Another year went by and he ask me for a divorce because he felt the need to protect his interests and since I wasn't interest in the money I agree. So we were divorce but stayed together like nothing happened. We spend the remainder years enjoying life but I guess the age difference got to me and just recently I cheated on him with a guy from my country. My ex found out about the cheating and we now live in different places. He also knows that I keep in touch with the other guy and is also convinced that I love him.He says that I'm the love of his life but won't have me back. I miss him and every-time we speak on the phone we end up arguing and making things worse. I would like to have him back but don't know how to overcome this situation. Please help me!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): I am not sure what you can do to get back with your ex, it seeems like an odd situation but in the future I would advise not cheating on whoever you are with. Just my opinion.
A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (7 July 2010):
 I couldn't agree with Ask oldsister more.
What about this man makes you want him back?
You were just legal when he married you when he was a 40 year old man. I have been with younger men and the thing about younger people is they let you do almost anything you want. I didn't date them for this reason. But I noticed that younger people bow to the will of the older in the relationship cause they are convinced that person knows more. I have never been in anything as big a gap as you and your ex but if a 40 year old man is looking for a young girl, I'm sorry to say, he is looking for someone who will agree with him when it comes down to it.
So he found you in a foreign country, married you there and brought you back here and before the ink was dry on the marriage license, divorced you. Meaning he married you just to get you here, then divorced you to put you in a position where you felt vulnerable.
But I think you have a little defiance in you against his games cause you are still in contact with this other guy. I think if you knew he was a good man who would love you again you would break contact with the other guy but I'm pretty sure you know the other guy is a good bargaining chip. It's the one thing that hurts him. As well it should since no matter how much he controlled you, the one thing he clearly was afraid of happening, happened.
I don't think it will end well if you try to go back to him. He doesn't sound like the most loving, forgiving person in the world. I imagine he will make your life miserable with his controlling if you ever get back together.
Also, control freaks work well with people who don't know their own worth. They can play games (even if they don't know they are playing them) and the other person sticks around cause they just want to please. If you finally realize how really valuable you are to this man (he went to another country and got you, brought you back and has been taking care of you for years, and calls you the love of his life) then he won't have the upper hand to play these games anymore.
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