A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, iv been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 months now. For the first 2 months it was great, we were both happy and got along really well. But as time went on, it seems that the relationship has just dwindled... its really frustrating for both me and her. she used to tell me that she loved me and that going out with me was the best decision shes ever made, but recently thats all stopped. she never tells me that she loves me anymore and she just seems to always be angry/annoyed with me. i talked to her about it today and she says shes getting frustrated because i dont open up to her. This is perfectly reasonable and i agree, because i think iv been trying too hard to avoid saying things that would make her angry or upset so that we dont argue or get into depressed conversation. its ironic that this turned and bit a huge chunk out my ass.she was my first ever girlfriend so im not really experienced in relationships. but i do know that i love her, shes the best thing that ever happened to me. i dont wanna lose her.when she told me that im not opening up to her, i was confused by what she meant so can anyone please help me? tell me how i can open up to her. please.thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): you might not see this reply, but i just want to say, thank you for the advice, i think i understand how i can approach this now. thank you so much
A
male
reader, Lookingforwisdom +, writes (29 July 2010):
That's quite a broad statement but maybe she feels the relationship is lacking in the emotional sense. Part of the benefits of relationships is empathising with each other about things, but it's a two-way street. Share things with her you have never shared with other people. It will make the relationship feel special, and private, which is important. If you are feeling depressed about something, open up, and welcome any kind of opening up from her in return. Relationships and purely physical, and it sounds like the emotional aspect is lacking a bit.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 By "opening up" to somebody means being able to communicate your life experiences, no matter how meaningless they are, your fears, your joys, your desires, wishes etc. My boyfriend is exactly the same as you, and I know it's difficult for men to express themselves like women do. They're just.. men. I'm his first relationship as well and, to be honest, I don't think some other girl would have put up with him, since he is extremely "slow" and clueless about how things are in relationship (but there's a first time for everything). He was claiming he doesn't know what to say. Only the fact that I KNOW he loves me, makes me be patient with him. After 4 months with him (like your case now), I've had in mind to dump him, because I felt like everything I was trying to build was going nowhere. Maybe this is how you are, but keep in mind: it always takes compromise to make this relationship work, and it takes two. And I think everybody can be more open towards a person they trust. If you have trust problems, be honest with your girlfriend, tell her it takes time for you to open up to somebody you barely know. I also believe that your girlfriend feels insecure about you because you don't show her more interest towards her. Maybe you love or care about her, but try to offset this lack of communication with facts. Or simply ask her how are things, tell her you think about her, ask her out, do things together that can build up your relationship, try to spend as much as possible time together. Maybe you think this is her problem, something you're OK with, she might not bare, so try to cooperate and find together a way out. Don't avoid saying things that you THINK might offend or get her upset. Just be random and be yourself, she will appreciate everything you trust her, because like this, you make her feel important. And this is a very sensitive spot. Be honest with her, and most important: TAKE THE LEAD in the relationship, it'll make her feel secure ;)Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, DiZZeeKiD +, writes (29 July 2010):
Perhaps start by telling her exactly the things you have posted in this question "i think iv been trying too hard to avoid saying things that would make her angry or upset so that we dont argue or get into depressed conversation". "m not really experienced in relationships. but i do know that i love her, shes the best thing that ever happened to me. i dont wanna lose her".This will help her to understand the reasons you don't seem to be communicating as well as you once did and reassure her that your feelings towards her haven't changed and that you don't want the relationship to end. The more you talk to her about your feelings, the easier it will be for you both to communicate openly and honestly and hopefully this will reduce the amount that your interactions lead to negative outcomes.Good luck!
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