A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went through an awful situation with my best friend, which hurt me a lot. Afterwards, he went straight into another relationship but this time with another boy. To save our friendship and spare my emotions, I pretended I didn't care and battled through it. We're still close now, but I feel I've sacrificed all of myself to maintain our relationship. I think it would be fair to say I'm still not over what happened fully, which makes it even worse. Please don't tell me I need to cut myself off from him because to do so would be so impossible. He really is my best friend, we not only have such a connection but we have the same close group of friends.He means everything to me, but now I feel nothing for anyone. I think I've closed myself off (that's how I dealt with him being with someone else) and become so detached from my emotions nothing can hurt me and I can never feel vulnerable. It's the worst, I've been out with guys since and I've just... not cared at all. What do I do? How can I open my heart again? I just don't seem to care about anything, I feel so dead inside, I just don't feel happy or sad, ever. Nothing anyone can do to me seems to have any effect!
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Actually I have to say that pretending not to care was the way you protected your integrity, which is not a bad thing.
The way you became detached and invulnerable to future contacts is the way you have learned to set limitations on how you will approach future relationships, seems perfectly reasonable. We don't want to just say "here is my heart, and here is the fork" No, I think you're learning to protect that heart of yours. And than you do something even more precious, you want to remain friends, that's very admirable!
Just make sure that remaining friends is not to protect you from your pain or your wishful desires. It has to be genuine.
You're growing your learning to understand loss, regret, sadness, it's all in the "life's like that" package.
No huge worries, even if nothing has an effect on you except rain and sad music. That's a process too, if not for pain all those beautiful sad songs would be ohhh so missed. Enjoy you pain in it's painful blissful mist.
Write a poem, scream at a tree. This too shall pass, one can only cry for so long before it becomes monotonously boring. The sun will come out, but for now, clouds are your best teacher, enjoy the rain sista..
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