A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a big trust issue regarding my boyfriend and his ex. When my boyfriend and I first dated, he broke up with his ex to be with me, but he never told her about me because she has a really bad temper and she was still trying to get back with him. She always called him everyday for over a year after they broke up. She tried playing the pity and manipulative card to get him back. He stayed in touch with her answering her calls and trying to be there for her. There was a point that she was still calling him after a year and a half and it was during Valentine's Day. He tried to hide their calls and texts from me and I finally put my foot down and said if he still wants to be with me, he will need to block her. He lied and only blocked her when he was with me. I found out and we were so very close to breaking up. But I gave him another chance when he showed me that he permanently blocked her. It's been a couple of years, but I've still not been able to forget how he betrayed and lied to me.When we're not together I check FB all the time to see if she is online and possibly (I'm assuming) talking to him. It's sooo ironic that 90% of the time, she goes online immediately after he is off the phone with me. And when I call him while she is online, he doesn't answer.How do I move on and trust him? Or is he not trust worthy?Other than this issue with his ex, him and I are in a very good relationship.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2017):
 I honestly don't know how you can put yourself through this for years, surely you must be deeply unhappy being with someone that you cannot trust? I honestly don't see how you can ever trust him enough. A relationship does not work without trust, its you that is suffering and you that is checking up on him. He put his feelings for her before yours and that is unforgivable in my eyes. I couldn't live with a liar.
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (5 September 2017):
O.oOP, your man is not over his ex, plus his ex is very manipulative.You need to catch him and get solid evidence that she is talking with her, so that you can make a better decision.If you need to spy him on that, which is creepy and all that, do so, because it sounds this guy is (emotionally) cheating on you.In normal relationships guys just don't talk with their exes on the back of their current GF. That's bordering cheating.If you don't want to do the spy thing, then you need to sit down with him, and have THE TALK. He needs to choose between you, or his ex. He can't be with you while he chats with his ex and God knows what else she does with her when you are no around. You need to put down your foot again, but demanding to know the nature of his relationship with his ex. He needs to spit the truth, be honest, come clean, or you are out. You can't be with someone that's talking with other girls on secret and at your back. You deserve respect from your men, and what he is doing right know it's NOT COOL and it's a lack of respect.I wish you luck!
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (2 September 2017):
 Hmmm...smells like a bit of RAT to me. Not just his secretive behaviour prior but the fact that it still GNAWS at you some years later. How much mental and emotional space can you afford to waste on this dude? The only person who ever really pays for the deceptive behaviour of a spouse is the decent one of the pair. Why, simply because they ARE decent. Now, he/this may all be nothing but the damage was done ages ago- right, but like I said, who's still paying? Flick this dude like the booger he seems to be-life is waaaaaaay to short so I suggest you give the second chance to yourself and walk. All the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): You don't trust him because he put whatever he got from the contact with her, and her feelings above or at least along side his regard and consideration of you. Your lack of trust is well founded. And he didn't just do this, he did it over and over, for a very long period of time, and continued secretly even after saying he wouldn't. You've good reason to feel uneasy. He's actually done nothing to evidence he sees your view, respects it, and intends to put you and what he has with you above the ex... even now you can't be sure and are checking etc. you know why you are doing that? Because you don't trust him because of what he has done, and it's a aspect of him which you are angry with and remain unsure of, rightfully so.This will continue to eat away at you. It's a big deal. And it will always be there between you, unless it's addressed in a manner which he understands how hurt and disrespected you feel, and what it's left you with regarding distrust. You may need a professional to help you both work through this.
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