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How do I manage this family dynamic and new stress in our lives?

Tagged as: Family, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 February 2016)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

You probably don't get too many letters from a guy my age. I am writing about my kids.

My oldest, my daughter-age 27- meets this British guy at party.He works for a multinational U.K. company and is trying to deal with problems in one of their offices here.

They date for about a month. He goes back but they keep in contact.

He comes back, but not for business, but to see my daughter. He had taken his entire year's vacation to come see her.

He tells her that he has not been able to stop thinking about her and that she is on his mind day and night.

He asked her to marry him. He offered her an engagement ring at the airport. He told me that he had been casually dating a woman, but that he broke it off because it was not fair to the other woman to keep seeing her with his feelings for my daughter.

He told my daughter that he would seek reassignment here or would quit and find another job here if need be as long as they were together.

My daughter is worried about hurting his career but overwhelmed about moving.

When my younger son mocks the British accent, my daughter jumps all over him for making fun. She tells my commitment phobic son that he has some nerve when her guy had the balls to come half way around the world to stake his claim, and then she starts crying.

My wife does not want our girl to move and wants this to end before things "get serious".

I had to tell my wife about how our potential son-in-law was helping himself to pinch off our daughter's butt when he thought the coast was clear and her playfully screaming about it.

In other words that train had already left the station.

How do I manage this family dynamic and new stress in our lives? I would be sad if my kid moved far away, but could be happy for her.

Everyone else- not so much.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2016):

I am British and met an American who was on holiday in England.

We fell in love and both travelled to and fro so we could be together. I knew that I would never get over him if we broke up and he was the love of my life. 18 months from meeting we are married and expecting a baby. I moved to the USA to be with him and I am so happy. It is really hard to find love and if your daughter has met someone special then you have to be happy for her.

There are lots of time wasters and men who don't want to commit.

You don't want her heartbroken and alone having missed out on the love of her life. I have a lot of girlfriends who are alone and struggling to meet a special man.

Now it may be that he isn't the love of her lie and it may fizzle out on its own. You are best to support her and encourage her to follow her dreams and let it play out.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 February 2016):

Honeypie agony auntYou let her decide what she needs/wants to do with her life, including her love life.

Support her best as you can.

If she comes for advice, sit her down and help her make a pro/con list.

I moved from Europe to the US for my husband - we have been together for almost 20 years. So yes, it can work.

It might be something good, it might NOT be what she really wants, but as a parent I'd advice to not push her in either direction.

As a parent too, I'd advice her to not hurry into anything. A little visiting back and forth might be a better solution than a "shotgun" wedding. What's the hurry anyways?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (25 February 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntOff course you would be sad if your daughter moved away. It is a big change and one that parents don't take to very well. But you need to let her live her life. If this guy makes her happy and she loves him then that should be all that matters. I can see it may be stressful to you and your wife as she is your little girl, but she needs to leave home at some point. She is at an age where am sure she wants to have a husband and a life of her own. This is a good thing for her, and for all of you.

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