New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

How do I manage an addictive personality?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 March 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have this problem that I'm trying to fix. I used to snoop on my boyfriend. I'm not talking every now and again. But up to twenty times a day. On every email or social media account.... his phone and computer history when I could. Never found anything bad in the last six months. We had a few issues before but they are resolved now.

Anyway I got caught. Luckily for me, he thought it was so bad that I had a problem. We talked through everything and now I am seeing a psychologist every week(he offered to do it with me but I said no). He changed his passwords and put a lock on his phone.

Psychologist says I have trust issues from birth. I was put straight into an incubator with no skin on skin. After that I would not breastfeed and didn't like to be held close. My dad said I was always wary of hugs and touch from others as both a baby and a child. Then I was bullied for many many years.

I also have an addictive personality. I used to drink a lot but not anymore. Since I stopped snooping I just realised yesterday that I have been eating tonnes of sugar. I'm gaining weight and my skin is bad. It's like I've swapped one thing for another. I can't exercise for a few weeks due to a surgery. Can anyone recommend something addictive that's healthy?

Or any other advice you might have for me. I don't want to be like this.

View related questions: bullied

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015):

Yeah exercise. Whenever you feel your anxiety growing go for a run. Go to a yoga class. Go play tennis. Go to the beach and swim.

Try to make a concerted effort to replace these negative addictions with physical activity. You'll feel so good about yourself. I am surprised your therapist hasn't suggested this. Exercise does wonders for your mental health.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (20 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntHere's yet another something you can do to keep yourself occupied.... Volunteer.... at a hospital, a soup kitchen, a library.... SPCA.... There are lots of places that depend upon volunteer help. You should have no trouble finding one, or more.

The beauty of this is that you will have to commit your time, AND you will be doing something both rewarding AND advancing the human condition..

Hope you try... and GOOD LUCK....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015):

OP here... thanks for the advice.

Yes I'm thinking I might focus my energy on healthy eating. And I've just started reading again.

Just to note, I do work full time. And I study in the mornings at the weekends. I'm fairly busy but I haven't been going to to the gym as I normally would.

I know snooping is so wrong. And I'm so ashamed of it. I was asked to explain the feeling around doing it. Rapid heartbeat, sweaty hands and then a surge of relief. It's almost the same with sugar but not quite the dramatic sensation.

I would never blame how I am on anything. I know I have the ability to make choices. My self control is weak but I am trying to change for the better.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntFind an addiction that is GOOD for you? If you have a tendency to swap one for another, you might actually make this WORK for you. So for now, since you can't exercise swap the sugary snacks for healthy ones, celery, carrots, nuts, bell peppers, cucumbers... you name it.

Do I agree with your psychologist about the trust issues from birth? Well, I don't have a PHD, but I DO think TRUST is something we ALL can learn to do. Think "feral children". children who grew up being locked in a closet or basement. NOW THAT I can see causing trust issue. And yes, I can see having been bullied can play a part, but at some point you will HAVE to let go of that PAST and live in the here and now.

I think it's a cop out to use the "I didn't get skin/skin contact" so now I don't trust people and thus snooping is OK. You know it's not.

Trust DOES take work. So maybe you need to LEARN how, talk to your psychiatrist about exercises.

As for keeping you busy? I'd say look into "brain games" - there are plenty of apps and games you can find online that CAN improve your memory and brain "dexterity" and it's WAY more healthy then snooping on your partner.

Do you work? If not, well I'd say get to it. Get out and get a job that will keep your mind occupied. IF you do work, then consider volunteering here and there, maybe doing GOOD for others will make you less focused on the snooping.

Give yourself time limits online. If you can't "control" yourself when on the computer, then maybe you need to step away from it.

You also mention that you and our BF has some "issues" that are now resolved, ARE you sure they are? Because if you KEEP snooping it's not your "childhood" that is making you, there is OBVIOUSLY some trust issues going on.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOh addictions... my fav topic lately..

The sugar is replacing the alcohol that's common with alcoholics... any AA meting you go to is full of coffee and snacks... mostly cookies... amazing...

so you can't exercise... and are looking for a way to channel your addictive needs... what about puzzles.. or doing some good reading... 12 step programs are awesome and have tons of literature available online...

my belief is that an addictive personality is just that and even those who are in AA and sober are just swapping one addiction (drinking) for another (MEETINGS) that's why they say 90 meetings in 90 days. just swapping the addiction for something acceptable.

i find addictive games on my kindle

i get addicted to message boards and human contact.

are you allowed to walk? can you take a walk for 10 minutes every time you get a craving for something?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "How do I manage an addictive personality?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625379999983124!