A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've never been good at making friends. Naturally I am a bit of a loner and I probably am a bit anti-social but I still do enjoy being social, and would still like to have friends.I have trouble relating well to other females, I am not sure what it is but women don't generally seem to get on with me. My husband has said and not to be mean that he must be gay b/c sometimes he swears he's married to another man. I don't know if my personality could be causing problems relating? The girls I've got on better with there seems to be a strange closeness that turns a bit funny.As for making friends with guys easier, but it always ends with some odd sexual tension. I am not slutty, I've only been with one man and only kissed one man, which is my husband and I have no intention of being with anyone else (I'm always up front about it). I do not dress provocatively, I am not a bombshell either. I am open as in I'll talk about anything and I not very judgmental, I do like to tease (I don't mean as in flirtatious teasing, though I can't say I am not just a bit flirtatious but not to the degree that my husband would have issues with it) and I have a very sarcastic dry sense of humor people don't often get, which might be misinterpreted. I am not conservative or conventional and I am not Christian which is sort of problem in the South where I live. But invariably people only want to talk about sex with me, that's it. I've also found people to get very physical very fast, as in touching me a lot, and I am a bit reserved with physical contact, unless its playful. I really do need help making friends. Its gotten harder since I'm married and now I have a daughter, I am also new to my area and am starting from scratch knowing no one. I want to be myself in relationships, but myself maybe just isn't working in my favor. Anyways I need your sage advice, how does one makes *just friends*.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  + ♥, writes (1 May 2008):
I think Lazy guy has got it right when he says go to a Gym - in fact go to as many places as you can! Toddler groups are a good one as there will be many mums there in the same position as you. What about non girly clubs like a martial art or a sport?
Get out as much as you can to places where people can chat and make friends, it's hard but it will happen.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a tomboy not the great at sports sort, or what not but I am not a girly girl even though I look girly naturally I am not the tall athletic sort as I've seen in tomboys a lot, I am fairly short 5'4 and curvy with feminine features, my looks never matched my personality. I do work out at the gym so far I haven't really met anyone, though a bit of conversation, which is nice. I prefer weight-lifting to cardio so I am usually not even near the other girls who seem to cluster at certain parts of the gym. I think I have somewhat peculiar interests, I find people never know who the bands are I am into or anything, I don't I'm out there in left field or something. I do enjoy people who are a bit different than me though, I like differences but most people like similarities as you've said and being that I am a bit of an odd ball makes it difficult. But I love a good debate and trying out new things, I can't help it but I like people who challenge me.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (1 May 2008):
 Could it be you are a tomboy? My own girlfriend is one and I recognize your husbands description.
If this is the case, then I am not surprised you are having some difficulty with friendships because in many ways you are sending the wrong signals.
Women will see you at once as another female but with a male personality they are attracted to. Men see you as a potential mate but with boobs. Very confusing.
Your best bet might simply be the age old advice of meeting people, join a club/gym. Find something you enjoy doing that involves other people and make friends this way. It gives people an excuse to interact and something to talk about, it just makes it easier then trying to make friends during a party or shopping or whatever. Common ground has been the basis for many a friendship.
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