A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 24 year old guy. I'm a bit shy, I'm not a lady's man or anything, but older women sometimes hit on me in an aggressive way. The thing that really bothers me is that sometimes it's as if they do it only because they know I'm shy. p /p /Lately a female coworker has been crossing the line. I like her. She's even attractive, but I'm not interested in her. She stares a lot and she seems uncomfortable and nervous when we're alone. But when we are in public, she flirts in a not so subtle way. It's as if she's got something to prove. She literally sexually harassed me last week. Had I been a woman and she a man, he, this woman, could have easily lost her job. p /p /The thing is I don't like hurting people's feelings. Like I said, I'm shy. It's just getting out of hand and I need to talk to her. What do I say to make her stop barking up my tree? Anyway to delicately phrase this?
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co-worker, flirt, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Everyone has the right to an opinion, but I think that in this case you have to be very blunt and direct, and NOT go for the "I have a girlfriend" thing. I think you have to say you're not interested and that's it
If she didn't work where you work, then this flirting wouldn't be such a problem. But she works where you work, and this means trouble. You have to be harder because it's the way you do for a living that could be at stake.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (2 March 2011):
 It sounds like she likes you and doesn't know how to go about telling you that she likes you in a subtle way.
Since her advances are unwelcome and you are a shy one, pull her aside and tell her your reasons for not being interested. You don't like relationships in the work place because they are too complicated. You have a girlfriend. Just tell her something, ignoring her and expecting her to just go away might work, but I doubt it.
Be as straightforward as you can. Don't back down either.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Don't give her attention. No eye contact and always be busy. She'll sooner or later get the hint and Get lost. It's nothing worse when you have someone flirt with you excessively and it ain't mutual. Or the old fashioned way... You have a girlfriend...
Hope this helps =)
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Coming from a woman's perspective, I'm not sure this woman quite knows how to act. She may really like you, but not have any experience with flirting or trying to get a man's attention. In this sort of situation, LIGHT embarassment can be effective as well as educating. Maybe pull her aside and say very nicely that you're flattered that she's flirting, but it's making you a little uncomfortable and you wish she'd stop.
By saying you're flattered, you soften the blow. By saying you're uncomfortable, you're being honest and direst, and this fact will most likely embarrass her into leaving you alone and not using her methods on any other men. Problem solved for you, lesson learned for her.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 March 2011):
Oh, you may omit "If you insist I will take this to the supervisor" for now. If she insists, then say it. And if she insists a third time, then do it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 March 2011):
My first advice is, never flirt or have any sort of love relationship with people you work with. Hard lesson to learn, but even harder lesson to learn if it comes to you the hard way.
There is really not a nice way to do this because no one likes to be rejected. But there are polite ways. This being a situation that could complicate your work life, be direct and firm. Do what a woman would do if she were in your position. "I see you are flirting with me. I am not interested. Please do not insist. If you insist, I will take this to the supervisor".
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