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How do I let go of my long lost love?

Tagged as: Health, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I don't know where to start, but writing (even though I suck at it) is my only escape from reality.

I was in love with someone back in 2008-2011. He really was amazing, he did everything I wanted to do and made me feel like I was something special.

Something I hadn't felt in... well never actually.

I gave him my heart, even though we moved a bit quickly. We met online and then in person and had sex that night.

I was the one he gave his virginity up to. We talked about marriage, love, children, our future together... and he made me feel strong enough to start a new life with him and live together.

But before we got there, he cheated with this nasty random disgusting person and not only hid it from me, but even continued talking to her after and flirting with her.

We had our ups and our downs... but this was just ridiculous.

Well, here we are years later and he's all happy, got married, having a kid... and here I am still broken hearted.

Officially I am the one who begged him to make it work, and we came close to that at the end of 2010..

But when he said he had sex with more girls while we were on break, it just ruined me.

I said I'm done. But he didn't try to get me back. He didn't want me back.

Though in person he would hold me so close, so tight, and say how much I'm love.

How we will ALWAYS be together and make it work no matter what. Yet instead, he made the situation harder by constantly looking at others to flirt with, telling me ignorance is bliss... really?

How do I get over this pain? It's so bad I've been in bed for days. I literally will sleep and the days have gone by.

I'm off work from an injury, and I'm wasting my time off sleeping... Help me...

View related questions: flirt, met online

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIt is six years later and you are still not over him? Maybe it is time to get some professional help to deal with moving forward.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017):


I also know what you feel but it doesn't really happen the same way to me

He doesn't want you and it was for the best, imagine when he says he loves you and ask for forgiveness when he cheated? Will your relationship still be good or broken? Will he never cheated on you again? He leaves you and its for the best and you finally can find the one that will treat you right. I know its not easy but i think you need to get out there, meet a lots of people and hang around with your friend a lot because that really helps and don't try to know what your ex been doing or knowing his family or anything about him its really really hard but in time you will meet a nice guy that loves you and want only you. You need to believe this and you are going to prove to your ex that you will be happier than him!

I hope this helps :)

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A female reader, princessjasmine United States +, writes (1 April 2017):


This man is controlling your emotions and not letting you move on with your life. You don't realize all that there is in this huge world for you to grab. You can move forward, find new work, find new hobbies, find new friends and yet you are doing this to YOURSELF. You are in control of how you feel and what you do. First, I think therapy will help you sort out your emotions. Second, he's married, he was a liar and you stayed wit him. Women must stand against men like these. Why even waste your beautiful energy on someone who isn't worth it. Please take care of yourself and love yourself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2017):

This bloke was looking for experience and you were available when he made the decision to branch out and loose his virginity and see what happened after.

Well, you happened straight after.

But he never intended to jump into a serious romantic situation despite what he said!

He decided to test the water with other woman and he chose ugly because he didnt want to fail.

After that cheating was easy!

He didnt see it as cheating!

He saw it as step two in the plan.

He never thought he would get married after breaking his virginity and he figured he needed to experiment.

So eventually he felt he had to move on or he couldnt justify his phase of experimentation, so I think you should mentally demote him to nonfriend and stop bothering about what he is up to.

You need the confidence to know you are worth it and there is a better future waiting for you with someone different!

Just make sure you dont give your heart away immediately but choose a life of progression rather than a burnt-out firework.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2017):

He sounds like a total player. You are far better off without him.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (31 March 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou are mourning the person you believed and wanted him to be, not the person he turned out to be. Words are cheap. ANYONE can make promises but carrying them out takes integrity and strength of character, which he sadly lacked.

I am a bit puzzled that you got upset about him having sex with other women while you were on a break. If you were on a break, what either of you did with other people is nothing to do with the other person. Why did this bother you so much?

I assume you had other bad experiences with men before you met this guy. Your feelings now are probably an accumulation of everything that has happened.

Have to talked to your doctor about how low you feel? Constant sleeping can be a symptom of depression. Could you open up to a counsellor and perhaps explore why you feel the way you do?

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