A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I will be married for 20 years this August. One thing I am struggling with is whether I am still in love with her or not. Certainly, I do not feel the same way about her I did 15 years ago in terms of the fluttery feeling of the early stages of love. I do not hate her, but sometimes I feel like we take each other for granted. What *should* it feel like at this stage in the relationship? I ask because I sort of miss the "being in love" feelings I used to have for her, but at the same time I realize we are together 20 years and relationships evolve. What sorts of questions should I be asking myself to determine if the love is still there or not? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 after a long time, less than 20 years you and your partner become the same person more or less. you cant love yourself although a lot of people seem to manage it but you have to appreciate the value of the two of you working together in life. when I look at what my 80 something year old parents have together I am happy for them.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (7 July 2012):
 nicely phrased Anon. O P
This seems to be a fairly common question lately. The lines are getting more and more blurred. Personal entitlement seems to be a factor, as does a sense of freedom that (relatively) easy divorce offers.
First you asked about flutters. For me, Butterflies are not love. On the other hand the best complement my wife ever gave me was that after more than 20 years she still gets them.
Then you asked what questions you should be using for self evaluation. That is the part I really liked. Here are some:
Who do you most want to spend time with? Do you have trouble knowing where you stop and she begins? Do you really not care much when you think that you are giving more than 60% of the time? Do you know deep down that reconciliation will come even though you are mad right now? Who is your best friend?
I think many mature couples should think about these things before they go looking for new thrills. Frankly, for a guy in your position I'd suggest you try some deep passionate kissing. It's a common complaint amongst women our age, and a great way to find those butterflies.
FA
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 I think you need to sit with her and talk about your relationship. You may start from what you miss from her or maybe you may ask her the same question, what she misses from you? As you said, you both have taken for granted your feelings. I guess you need to go through the process again wherein it would create spark in your relationship.
Know what you want and what she wants, take an action that would inspire and excite you both again, continue thinking to a positive direction, work out continually till you both get what you want. A HAPPY AND LOVING RELATIONSHIP.
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