A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for the past 2 months. He is one of the most interesting people I have ever met we talk daily and see each other once/twice a week. We ended up having sex a little early on I think it was the 4th date and it was mind blowing! He also said the same. He said to me he is happy to just keep things as they are and see where things go but that's left me feeling a little uneasy. We don't have sex everytime we meet but he has tried to get me to go to his apartment a couple of times for some 'fun' but I've refused and just kept it to dates. I don't want to continue seeing someone who isn't ready to commit but at the same time it is still early days and we are still getting to know each other and I usually rush into relationships so maybe it's best to take this slow? He is very spiritual and grounded so I'm thinking maybe that's why he likes to take things slow but then I also know when a man wants someone in his life he will make that very clear. I'm not sure what to make of this? Any advice would be much appreciated x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 If he was that spiritual and grounded then he wouldn't keep trying to get you into bed.
If I were you, I'd look at whether I'd want to be with someone like him or not, as a person, considering that he only seems to want to sleep with you.
Look, a lot of guys I know lose interest in dating once they've slept with a woman too soon. It's only sex that they're willing to commit to thereafter so sleeping with him so quickly doesn't help your cause. He will probably continue to just want sex for the time being because he doesn't seem like he's jumping at the chance to get serious. Just because you're ready doesn't mean that he is.
It's excellent that you've stopped the sex for now. That's definitely a good move on your part. You should keep it up until you know whether he wants what you want or not. You should talk to him to find out what he wants like does he see himself dating you properly or is he just here for the 'fun' of it? Speaking to him will clear things up. Do not be afraid to walk away if he doesn't want what you want. Be strong and stand your ground.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2017): You said: " I usually rush into relationships so maybe it's best to take this slow?"
Men often will pressure you for sex, but they are slow to rush into a committed relationship. Just as women form stereotypes and have notions about how men think and what we want; men are doing the same about women. If a guy has hit a few psychos or clingers along his journey; he learns to be extremely cautious. Just like females who have been burnt don't trust. Emotional-reactions according to gender may be different; but the results are the same. Caution!
It takes time to get to know the quirks, faults, and what type of temper someone has. You can't judge a person from when you first get to know them; because everyone wants to make a good impression. We can put-up a facade for months, and some keep it going for years. Being human, our true colors and real nature have to make their way out. We have to be ourselves. Anger makes us slip!
We create magnificent profiles online. So we play our parts according to that character in our script. Some are great actors and performers! Ladies pretend to be independent and wife-material; only to be clingy, insecure, and shameless snoops. While guys claim to be lay-back, and looking for love; when they have a frat-boy mentality, their heads on a swivel, and think entirely with their dicks. Man-sized boys!
Two months isn't much time to get to know anyone. Especially if your goal is a relationship. Women attach a lot of emotion to sex, and get very frustrated when men don't. There is a big difference between love and lust. Mind-blowing sex, is just good sex. That can happen with an anonymous one-night-stand. The dopamine is out of this world, but it isn't love.
I suggest you be patient. Don't rush things; because in haste you overlook red-flags and deal-breakers. Commitment is something you work your way to, not something you dive into without thought. That's impetuous and stupid. Then you'll have a big fight; and suddenly all the things you didn't see before become all too clear.
I can generalize and go by what responses women would make as opposed to advice given by men. Women feel men drag our feet too long. Maybe, but the happiest women who have great guys that do commit; have the wisdom to get to know him well before they rewarded him with their love.
No, you are incorrect about men rushing for something if we want it. Wanting it isn't equal to deserving it.
We are relentless to get something we want; but we also take our time before surrendering our freedom to be sure it is truly what we want. Guys who rush into relationships, are also quicker to get out of them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 July 2017):
 I say tell him.
Tell him you want to keep sex out of the picture till you both feel that there is a foundation for a relationship because THAT is what you are looking for. I'd also make sure you explain that it's not about "punishing" anyone for not being sure yet or taking it slow, you think that is FINE but that you want to focus on the "getting to know you" part.
If he agrees then GOOD - then you talk time line. Like 1-3 more months to decide (no more than 3 IMHO)
If he doesn't agree at all, then he ISN'T looking for a relationship.
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