A
female
age
26-29,
*belone
writes:my boyfriend and i enjoy loving, passionate, sex. the "kinkiest" thing we've ever done is role play. i get turned on by watching some pretty bondage videos. i like bondage, and have rape fantasies. i'm not ready to get too crazy (and honestly don't even know if i would ever be able to really get into it in real life), but my therapist told me to try and incorporate some little things like being tied up or something like that. when i tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, he got a little freaked out and even said something like, "i don't think i can act out 'rape fantasies' with someone i'm trying to respect; someone i'm trying to see as the potential mother of my children." i understand this, but i really feel that my desire to try light bondage is actually a bigger deal than he realizes (or i even want to admit). what are some light things, nothing too crazy, that i can try to make us both more comfortable with the idea of "bondage"?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 June 2014):
 oh this one is fun.
next time assume the female superior position and straddle him.... get him to raise his arms above his head and hold his arms down while you grind on him and kiss him... let him struggle a bit...
then say "no my turn... you hold me down"
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 my GF wanted to try light bondage and simply asked to be gently tied up and blindfolded. No problem. Your partner doesn't have to be violent to you or violate you in some way, so just ask him to blindfold you, gently tie your wrist together (with something easily broken to avoid being too trapped) and have him be in control.
He shouldn't be freaked out. Its a bit of fun.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Blindfold him. Or blindfold yourself. Most people enjoy this as it makes you experience sex in a very different way. If you're blindfolded he's in control.
The next step would be role play. Pretend your hands are tied (or lightly tie them with a scarf). You can switch who's dominant and who's submissive, so each get to try it (not in the same act, but maybe next time you have sex you switch it around). I think experiencing it a bit could be good for him, he might learn that he enjoys it as well. And if he enjoys it, he will be more likely to want to take things further.
You can role play gently while still doing sex as normal, just use words and characters close to who you are. No need to go into full outfits for the first time.. Simple dominant roleplay could be for example: he's your boss and you're having sex at the office. Or, he's your teacher and it's a private lesson... Simple things like that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): I don't think you listened to what your boyfriend said. He doesn't wish to participate in your sex fantasy. What's the point, if you both don't share the pleasure of the experience?
I can't argue with with your professional therapist's suggestion; but I do find it odd. If you want to experiment with a sexual acts that you find completely outrageous, even in your own opinion? How do you expect someone more conservative to agree to participate?
Did your therapist also offer some suggestions as to what to do if he did freakout? That's who you should be asking.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (4 June 2014):
 Abelone,
You have more than one problem here. First he is uncomfortable with risky behavior, and second he seems to be developing a madonna complex on you. I'm more worried about the second than the first but knocking a hole in the madonna thing will probably solve the bondage problem.
Before my suggestions I'd like to briefly explain the problem with respecting the mother of my children. First off there is healthy respect then there is pedestalled goddess. HEalthy respect works. He sees you as capable and important. he allows you to participate in decisions. This makes for strong relationships. The pre world war 2 notion that women are to be men's moral center to stay home protected from the crudeness of the world, didn't work then when it was accepted and will never work in todays world where women are out there in the world working 40 hours a week.
He needs to accept you as a sexual being not as a baby factory. Because if you aren't having fun you will get bored while he is away winning the bread and you will wind up broken up.
Ok light bondage, easy suggestions. The first thing you need to understand is that wanting to be bound is wanting to give away control or responsibility. That happens in your brain and not in your feet. So all you really need is some props to help your brain accept the fantasy that you are acting out.
The cheapest and easiest start is an inexpensive sleep mask. It doesn't matter that you could turn your head and see the point is that you choose not to see. This may give him a sense of power that will scare him. Remember he can use the safe word too. also he can easily give you a peek or remove the mask. Second is a bit more pricy but well worth the money, a big soft rope. Here we have something called bridle rope that is perfect soft and about 2 cm in diameter. If there are horses near you there should be something like this. if not I'm sure it could be found online. Now knot work can be dangerous so look up the bowline knot and learn how to tie it and test it. At first he will not tie you up you will merely hold the rope as a symbol of your bondage. Later you will tie a bowline loop to hold on to so he can get used to seeing you with a rope around your wrist or ankle.
Remember to use your words. He doesn't want to hear you swear or talk dirty so use words like "i belong to you", I want to please you" These and other words that match your desire to be submissive to him.
Perhaps certain clothing or hair style could be used as a symbol of your submission as well. Think about what works for you and is not too scary for him.
I hope you find this helpful, you may send a private message if you need more explanation.
FA
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