A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i feel socially screwed, like a real life larry david or a woody allen...sad thing is that those guys have social graces (i'm assuming), in real life that i do not have.everything that comes out of my mouth, in retrospect, seems sarcastic, self-degrading, and unenthusiastic. why would anyone actually want to be involved with me and my life? however, i don't (at least it seems to me), really feel so bad about life...i just say what's on my mind, and it's not peppy and go go go, but peppy and go go go just aren't me. to be that way for me, is to be fake, and i hate being fake and i don't have a huge fondness for fakes, except for flamboyant types because they're almost making a mockery of fakeness.i keep hanging around hippies (which are way too concerned about the well being of everyone/the earth/the universal consciousness/etc) and conversely, around drug addicts/drunks...unfortunately (or fortunately?), i don't really find myself fitting into either group, but i guess my pool of people to choose from is limited? i admire and adore some of the people i've met, but most of them don't feel like 'my people.' i don't know if i'll ever meet 'my people' (who can see through my b.s.), but i don't know how much longer i can take of this before i meet someone i actually feel really connected to...my boyfriend of the most recent past is the closest i can get to that, but unfortunately, he was a druggie before (but typically not during) and after we broke up, so there's not much to him that i can rely upon for this need i have ...i don't know...for true connectivity...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): You sound alright to me. It took me a long time to find people who "got" me, and who I felt like I could be around without having to fake it etc., but those people are out there, and the older you get, hopefully the more you'll find. The best advice I can think of is advice someone once gave to me. Stop looking at connection with others as the ultimate goal. Look at yourself in the mirror and appreciate, I mean really love, the fact that you are different. Be happy that you are weird/eccentric/odd/offbeat or whatever and celebrate it. Then go out into the world and do whatever the hell you want. Take it and run with it. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, and stop making apologies for who you are, you'll find that like-minded people start to appear. When you are at odds with yourself and you're always denying what you really are, you send that crappy energy out to people and they see someone who is conflicted and self-loathing. Put up a filter by being exactly what you want to be, and believe me, only people worth the time will start to show up on your radar. Other than that, being lonely at times is a price you pay for being a black sheep. And drug addicts and hippies are people too :)
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  + ♥, writes (31 August 2009):
 Social graces are not necessarilly the key to having self esteem, they are usually just a form of indirect manipulation to get us what we want i.e fitting in, gaining attention and impressing others. If your the kind of person who feels uncomfortable with who you are then sometimes it's better to do something radical, outside of your comfort zone, to really reveal the inner you.
Hanging with 'hippies and druggies' may fulfill a certain need in you but there is so much to discover in the world that doesn't actually require meeting people in such a socially intrinsic way.
Rather than therapy, try some voluntary work, maybe working with animals or tackling some local environmental issue, or get involved in a local campaign. Do something challenging. That way you will have less time to think about yourself, you will be thrown into new and interesting situations and along the way you will discover different people to identify with and stimulate you...Oh!! and you might do some good as well.
Good luck
Aunty Em xx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 Hi there,
well you just mentioned my two favourite comedians of all time so I feel I have to say something.
I too view life through a very sarcastic lens.
There are a lot of fake/phoney people out there, that is a fact. There are also a lot of narcisstic people who are hell bent on making your life a misery ( especially if you work with them ). Unfortunatley this is what the modern world is made up of. The narcisists are valued in society because they get the job done (usually by backstabbing and crapping all over people who get in their way), people like you and I arent because we point out the rotten apples amongst us and this is not viewed as proactive , merely reactive.
However for me it is a case of make do with what you have. I turned my hand to writing as a way of expressing my disappointment with the phonies and jerks in life and have made some very valuable friends.
You can do the same, the key is to find something that takes your interest and explore/develop it, chances are people with a similar frame of mind are doing the same.
Turn your so called negative attributes into positives. Sarcasm can be very funny and the likes of Larry David and Woody Allen have turned it into careers, though I do have to admit living in America is probably the last place you need to be. On my visit there I don't think I have ever encountered a race of people who are so slow to take up a sarcastic remark ( move to Britain, the Brits love a heavy dose of sarcasm, in fact they thrive on it)
Good luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (31 August 2009):
 In order to have a friend you have to be a friend. Try some therapy, or short of that try the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". In some schools and communities their are classes you can take on the social graces, which will help you in life and in business.
There are more people in the world that you are ignoring. Hippies and druggies are the party people. Try getting involved in activities and studies that define you, that are more your authentic self and you will meet your people, even if it is only one or two true friends, you will be more lucky than most. You can't base your self esteem or even your identity on any group.
Figure out who you are. There is a difference between "being who you are", not being a "fake" and being just plain self centered and rude. Learn the difference.
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