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How do I help my FWB forget about his ex and make him see that I am not like her and will not hurt him?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 22 December 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone a bit of a complicated situation here I have been in a fwb for nine months now I have told him how I feel about him (I would like to be with him properly) he says he likes me to he was very badly hurt by his ex with who he was with for nearly 15 years I have asked him if we are ever going to be together as boyfriend girlfriend he said yes eventually as I don't think he is over his ex completely so how do I help him forget about his ex and make him see I am not like her and will not hurt him we have had a few argument as he thought I was seeing someone else I wasn't I backed off from him to see how he would react he has a few trust issues since splitting up from his ex I really like him and would not do anything to hurt him I have told him this how do I make him see I am genuine and that we would be good together its driving me crazy as I like him so much thank you everyone

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011):

Okay look I think what you should do now is just walk away cuz there's no use trying to convince him, you're just wasting your everything on him. Yes I'm aware you luv him so much but hey THERE'S LOTS OF FISH IN THE SEA

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (22 December 2011):

k_c100 agony auntLook, if you get into a FWB you have to understand what FWB means. It means 'friends with benefits' - i.e. you are JUST FRIENDS who have sex because it is easier than going out and having one night stands. No feelings are involved in FWB's AT ALL. It is no strings fun with a friend. That is it.

So you have fallen for your FWB, or went into it with the wrong intentions in the first place (i.e. you thought by giving him sex he would want a relationship).

You have told him how you felt and he brushed you off with the 'eventually' excuse. You cant force him to get over his ex, he needs time and space to do this. Hence why he only wanted a FWB - because he didnt want any feelings to be involved because he is not ready.

Men never want their FWB girls as girlfriends - they see the girl as just sex because she gave it away so easily. So chances are the damage is done, you are just a bit of fun to him, easy sex. If you want him to take you seriously then you need to stop having sex and give him an ultimatum - that you either get together properly as boyfriend & girlfriend, or you end it now and move on. Because the longer you stay his FWB, the less likely he is to ever make you his girlfriend. He gets what he wants from you (sex) already, so why would he bother making you his girlfriend?

NEVER fall for your FWB, only go into them if you are 100% certain that you just want sex with a friend. If there is a chance you will fall for that person, then dont give away your body so easily otherwise he will never take you seriously.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answer worldlywise but we have both agreed not to see anyone else apart from each other so I know he is not seeing anyone else nor am I

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011):

Stop the sex and see if he is still interested in seeing you.I know thats not easy.

You can't make him forget about his ex,he will get over her in his own time. Nor are you in a position to moan if he IS seeing somebody else or 6 others.You at the moment are purely a friend for sex thats what FWB means.He has just come out of a 15 year relationship so probably won't be doing heavy for a while

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (22 December 2011):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYour's is another of those "FWB mismatch" questions....

That is: HE has just what he wants (a FWB)... whilest YOU are seeking a "real" relationship. As long as he has FWB he has no incentive to change (the relationship) in any way. YOU cannot facilitate change to the relationship as long as that relationship really IS "FWB"...

Translation: Nothing's gonna change as long as you are putting out for him......

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