A
male
age
51-59,
*iggz71
writes:Ok.. need help.. ive turned into something i never thought imaginable. If its long ..sorry LOL. Ok almost 2 years ago i met this girl, well kinda near where i work, she was 40 ish, very attractive. Anyway prior to that i chatted to a guy who was with his girlfriend, then a week later saw him with his wife, the same girl i saw near work. So we met. They had broken up and in a way were trying to re patch a 25 year marriage although he didnt trust her anymore and wasnt "putting his eggs in 1 basket". So we would chat at lunch, i was kind of a therapist almost. But we were attracted and of course it led to a romance. It was a secret because it was obvious those two werent moving on.We were good for a few months but he kept tugging at her heart even though he still had others, but then again so did she, was a vicious circle.But she couldnt let go and i have spent the last year and a half waiting you could say. It used to be about she was torn between me and him but then it shifted when she realized the marriage was dead to wanting to be single, find herself, but we kept up a sexual thing with always that hint of one day when things settle. I accepted her going to Bali to sort her marriage out, countless social functions, many weekends alone while those 2 went out and were just friends. i even saw him 1 night and he put her down and i defended her, yet it was my fault for talking.What i am trying to get at is all we do is hold on. Im not sure what we are. She does what she wants, when she wants and with whomever but will tell me i have that special part of her that no one else has, i accept it and enjoy it but if she catches wind that i am even talking to anyone, its like i am a cheater. Its like we are only a couple if im doing something that she doesnt approve of, besides that she always tell me that there is no "us". With her husband its just ridiculous. They have settled the house and he spent the next 3 weeks renovating it for her but tells me he is my tradie, and friend yet she gets tickets to a concert and takes him.. never me but then spends the time txting me. She even had the nerve to tell me that i should ring before popping over just in case he there. Basically i said to her, if you were to tell him about us, what would he say. She said he would tell her to find a new tradie, so i dont buy the whole just friend thing. I moved out and it took her 4 weeks to pop over just last saturday night and we ended up in bed, cant stay the whole night though because she doesnt want anyone to know, then txts me next say which was meant for her ex about visiting. It almost felt like she was reminding me that yes we had sex but no she not changing where she at. Tells me not to tell her mum that we saw each other cause it makes things hard. She has a party coming up saturday which as of at the moment i ma invited but so is her ex and a host of single male friends. She has put me down lately but we had a argument today about the whole there is no "us". I play cool then i fall back into the wuss thing. She says she loves me in a strange way and when i do back off i dont get the hi how are ya, its straight to the are u ignoring me shit. so i cave and when i try to be just me then she falls back into ignoring me. Its almost like she just wants to know im there for when she is ready. I am making her out to be a bitch and she isnt (although to me she is). i am at wits end. the whole party this week if i cant be me with her, will be too hard, im sick of being a secret, and dont understand why, i have been her rock, always there for her, but when i question us she changes. i can meet other women that isnt the problem, but i do love this girl. Its more of the question i want answered on how to handle this. Especially the party as i know that when her and her ex are drinking the blame game comes out and ends badly, and if im there..hmmm not a good mix. strangely enough there is 2 sides to me..i think she does me and is confused,and wants me there when she ready, i am sure i am her only lover, or she just wants the best of 3 worlds, her soulmate, her lover and the single freedom and im the bunny as the fallback guy if nothing better strikes later. any help will do. sorry if long winded
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reader, higgz71 +, writes (24 February 2010):
higgz71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for that.
Subconscioulsy i have tried to sever, but not with great force. i try to meet someone else but she has this knack i guess of knowing when im venturing too far away and will want to see me. Almost just enough to keep me hanging in there
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): u have come across someone with a deep complicated personality. it could be something has deeply affected her,it could anything. i dont know what she wants either. i would be more inclined to tell you to forget trying to work her out. a psychologist would enjoy this challenge. u have got forget her and think of yourself. she is mixed up and building and knocking u back down without a thought of your feelings. she doesnt know what she wants. best think would be some proffessional help. you need to get out and stay out. if not u have a horrible,unstable life ahead. she probably doesnt understand herself either. do urself a favour and sever all contact.
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