A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and plan to get married.We just had a huge argument because he feels that one of my friends and one of my family members do not like him and his son (from previous relationship).He thinks this is unheard of and that there must be something wrong with them to not like him, he can’t imagine someone not liking himself and his child, while I feel that one will from time to time come across people who don’t like you or that you don’t like, that’s just life. I know people who I didn’t particularly like and I’m sure there are people who don’t like me much either. He won’t accept this reasoning and firmly believes the fault lies with the other two people.I’ve asked these two people what the problem is, and they don’t give me any specifics, maybe because they don’t want to embarrass me or hurt my feelingsAll I know is he was talking to my friend about her ex-husband and she said later she found it intrusive. The other relative won’t say anything specific.The argument is now that he won’t have this friend and this relative at our wedding, while I want to invite them both.I said to him he surely can’t believe that he’s going to like every single person he ever meets and that they will always like him, but he has taken this personally and told me he won’t allow anyone to treat him and his son like “second-class citizens” although nothing dreadful was ever said and nobody got into fights. It’s just that they’re never going to be great friends. I also told him it’s not necessary to be friends, sometimes one can accept that there’s a bit of mutual dislike and just be polite when you see one another without making everybody else miserable.How do I get through to him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2011): Weddings invitations are for people who both people find acceptable, and should be only for those who are considered "friends of the marriage".
That is the only criteria that should be applied to wedding guests.
Some day that schism may be cleared up, but unless it is they are not appropriate invitees to the wedding.
If you are truly set on marrying him, you should accept this, and apply it to everyone you invite, and the same would be true on his end as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2011): I don't know that you will without alot of talking. This is just the wedding..does he plan to ban these people from your life afterwards?
Clearly he is upset, he obviously thinks he and his son have been insulted in some way.
Is there any way you can sit with him and the 2 people involved and get to the bottom of it all. I think if it's upset him that much then there has to be a good reason and it's best its out in the open.I know you don't need the drama, but if it's not his normal behaviour towards people then maybe he has a valid reason.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 October 2011):
 To be honest I don't think that you are going to get through to him. They don't like him for whatever reason and he has taking this very badly and therefore he feels they shouldn't be at his wedding, but at the end of the day its your wedding as well and these are things you both need to talk about and come to an agreement about, because once you are married there will be much bigger decisions to make together, so now is the time to sit down and make sure that you can both compromise now as this might cause huge problems later on in life.
Its obvious that this has hurt him and has made him feel like they are looking down on him you need to try and understand why he is feeling like this, he is hurt so try and understand him, but also tell him that they are important to you and you really want them there. I guess all you can do is talk and try and understand each other.
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