A
female
age
51-59,
*assy S
writes:My question is how do I get my bf to open his life to me? We have been dating almost 2 months and we have mutually agreed to only date eachother, we are sexually active and he pretty much drives to see me 6 out 7 days of the week. He lives an hour and half away from me as he claims, I dont have confirmation of that. He will not confirm his address and will not take me to his house. My fear is he is married but I do not know for sure. He has told me he will soon introduce me to his family. His mother is staying with him because they recently lost his father and she is not handling it very well. This man seems genuine and very attentative and generous.The one time I asked him he told me he felt I was interrogating him so I didnt push the issue. I just feel he is in my life but I really have no clue he is! Any advice is welcomed. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (11 July 2012):
Google the name he gave you.
Go to switchboard dot com and hit "reverse search". Put in his phone number and see what pops up.
And flat out tell him that you want to come over or that you suspect he's married or with another woman and that the shady behavior has to stop. If there is no reasonable explanation or he doesn't invite you over - walk.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 In england we can search the electoral register, for names and addresses, I suppose it's going to be harder if he has a common name, but you could try.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2012):
 HUGE RED FLAGS….
If his mom is not doing well with his dad’s death and he’s helping her along why is he with you 6 or 7 days a week? Does he spend the night or just come over for dinner and sex???
HE CLAIMS… this tells me you don’t trust him or believe him… now your update says that the address he gave was a school and you are “too nervous to ask” about the truth… this tells me you KNOW in your heart and head he’s scamming you… IF you are dating and sleeping with him and seeing him regularly than his “I’m a private man” is a crock of shit. YOU are part of his PRIVATE if you are that close.
I smell a man in a relationship with another woman and he’s playing both of you. I hope you can prove me wrong…
People say they are confused when they have feelings for someone that are not matching with what they KNOW they should be feeling… YOU want to have a relationship with him but your brain is saying… WAIT, slow down look at what’s going on… something is not right… and your brain is correct… TRUST your gut.
My fiancé was 2 hours away from me… I had all his info.. his address, his employer, his cell phone (no land line) and I knew everything about him… as for being Italian.. my boy was raised by an Italian old world grandmother… he’s not very private at all, they tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves…
Google “how to do a background check” or “boyfriend background check”
To find links on how to do a background check… it’s not hard or very expensive.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 July 2012):
 Hi
Ask him if he wants to go on holiday or a long weekend away.
Does he spend weekends with you now, stop overnight or just 'pop in' for an hour or two?
After 2 months and an active sex life with him you should know alot more about him,his address is just basic information. He knows where you live,pops round when he wants but only because YOU have nothing to hide.
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A
female
reader, Sassy S +, writes (10 July 2012):
Sassy S is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTwo of you suggested I do a background check, I don't know how!
I'm am about to see if I can run his lic plates through our local police station and see who it comes back to. The address he gave was bogus it was a school and sure if he mistyped the # to nervous to ask. He has met my family and but he is just such a private man. Which a friend of mine said because he is Italian he just that way. Im Just very confused.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 July 2012):
I could have written this myself as exactly the same thing happened to me a few month ago and I was conversing with another aunt from this site over it who helped me greatly.
I dated a guy for two months and he told me where he lived but never invited me there and was very touchy if I ask if we could go there. He worked about 2 minutes from where I lived and was constantly dropping in but rarely stayed over. His father died suddenly and things went weird for a while, he stopped contacting me, then was sending great gushing texts saying how much he loved me ( I saw this as a huge red flag) The next thing he was musing about moving into mine...but still no invite to his place and moody sulking behaviour from him if I mentioned it.
I did finally do a background check on the address he'd given me and saw he was registered there...and so was a woman's name, there was also a land line number.
I confronted him, told him what I had discovered and he said it was an ex girlfriend and that she had moved out. I asked again that I be allowed to go to his place and he got moody again. I told him that we were finished and that I could not go on with him with so much uncertainty. He really sulked and just kept saying 'I feel safe with you'...it was all a little weird...I then asked him to leave.
Immediately he left I rang the landline number, a woman answered, I asked her if she knew him and she said, yes, he's my fiance...I put the phone down, lesson learned!!
If someone is acting weird and things don't seem right, very often it's because something IS going on.
I urge you to do a simple background check because this kind of deception goes on all the time and if you have been dating for a couple of months, it is not normal for someone to not tell you where they live without a reasonable explaination.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): The best way to encourage someone to open up to you is to leave them the heck alone about it and not ask questions.He will only open up to you if he feels "safe" with you. Safe from: judgment, criticism, you getting upset, other negative reactions....And he won't feel 'safe' if you ask him questions.the best way is for you to disclose information about yourself first, only then ask him casually and out of interest not out of a 'need' to know. and not pressure him to disclose information about himself if he is still not very forthcoming. Pressure just makes reluctant people clam up even more.some people are very reserved and will just take a very long time (months, maybe even years!) before they will feel comfortable opening up. if you're concerned that his lack of disclosure means he's hiding something shady, well, then...I'm afraid that asking him questions isn't going to help because if he's trying to hide something then you can bet he won't want to answer questions.I think 2 months is still a short time to get to know someone, just be patient and don't push him.
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A
female
reader, demeplev +, writes (10 July 2012):
 oh my, how can you call him a boyfriend? who is he? where does he live?gosh you dont know anything for sure, solidly, this is odd. he may be married with a family, a hoarder,or homeless...good god i wouldnt be sleeping with someone i didnt know at all, i say follow him without hisknowlege, do a background check for sure, and be careful, this isnt a bf that wont open up and let himself be vulnerable this is someone who blatanly in your face withholds pertinent inforation, ps sorry this is not a realtionship but a fwb situation.period. sorry peace and love you deserve better, but after u find out the scoop lol.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (10 July 2012):
What ?! 2 months and he won't tell you were he lives?? BIG red flag. I would tell him that is really weird and makes you concerned. If he gets defensive - then you know for sure something is very wrong. Have you found his address online?
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