A
female
age
26-29,
*aisyb212
writes:the dreaded ex girlfriend! i don't understand how i feel!been with my man for 9 months, his ex (they were together 4 yrs) is with someone else and supposedly happy but she texts my boyfriend every day (or every 2nd) she started the same course at uni as him, he seen her yesterday morning in the cafe and they sat together! i'm devastated! how to get her out of our lives? the constant reminder about the past there always! i know nothing would ever happen with them but is that the point? maybe its jealousy i feel i don't know! i just feel hurt and confused! and he won't stop replying to her texts cause he doesn't want to be mean! but i feel miserable about it every day! why?? when he asks me why i don't want him to talk to her i never have a good reason because i don't know? please help me understand how i;m feeling! he is committed to me, and i believ that, so why can't i accept this casual friendship with the ex?
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ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I know exactly how you feel, i have had that in the past and it nearly killed me. It ate away inside of me and my bloke (of course) could see no wrong. Have a chat with him and explain just how you feel. Tell him you dont want to have to put up with this and he should push her into the background. Say you are not comfortable and see what he has to say.Some blokes can justify anything, so i bet he has an answer for his antics!!!I know that if you were doing the same with your ex he wouldnt like it, and i have been there also. Dont put up with this and be made to feel cr*p, put your foot down, and mean it.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (11 October 2007):
 nightmare! i think you probably are jealous but with good reason. they were together 4 years - they obviously shared a lot of experiences and meant a lot to each other and now shes still in his life every single day? uh-uh.
he needs to respect how you feel and he should be putting you first. you're his girlfriend now - she's his past. they dont have to be on really bad terms and he doesnt have to be mean to her but he doesnt have to speak to her everyday and meet her for coffee either. im guessing if she is texting him everyday some of these texts are just "hey how are you" kind of texts of no real importance so they dont need to happen.
be careful how you play this one though - if you play it wrong you could end up looking jealous, insecure and paranoid and she'll look better. be nice to her if you speak to her, dont say mean things about her to your man, but just tell him you dont see why he has to have constant contact with someone from his past if he's meant to have moved on with you and that he should respect how it makes you feel. it doesnt matter why it makes you feel bad, the point is it does make you feel bad and that should be enough.
good luck
brooke
xx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi,
You cant except it because its bloody hard to. Of course he see's nothing wrong, its not him that is putting up with it. You can be friends with an Ex without daily contact.
The reason you are feeling this way is because he is making you feel insecure, buy letting this continue.
If you were in constant contact with an Ex boyfriend how would he re-act. He may say that he wouldnt care, but put him under that strain all the time like you are and I bet he would.
You say he doesnt want to be nasty to her, but what about being nasty to you.
You could try telling him it makes you feel uncomfortable, but he still may not listen. If I were you I would give him a taste of what you are having to put up with and go for a coffee with a male friend. When he throws a wobbly, you can say, "honey he is only a mate, I love you! we are just friends, you have nothing to be jelous of".
Let him see how it feels. XX
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A
male
reader, rcn  + ♥, writes (11 October 2007):
 It would be jealousy, but there is also a bit of violating going on here. Almost like his friendship might be OK, if she didn't violate your relationship. Now on his end, it's OK to be nice to the ex and not nice to you? Where is that right. This is the relationship he is in now. If the contact with the ex makes you uncomfortable then that contact needs to change. This is not a relationship of, "I want to be with you, oh you don't mind if I invite my ex's to come along?"
He needs to respect your feelings and let his ex know their consistent communication is interfering with your relationship and it needs to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Whenever possible, it's a good thing to remain on friendly terms with an 'ex'. He and she now have something in common, their uni course, so it's not unreasonable if they're still on friendly terms to at least talk to each other and have a coffee together whilst at uni. However, if the texting is not course-oriented and gets to you, it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to ask her to refrain a little.
You know nothing would ever happen between them so why are you being like this?
I suspect you're very insecure in your relationship, which leads on to jealousy, which invariably means trouble ahead.
Try to curb it unless you've got solid proof that something else is going on.
Phil
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