A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:The guy i've been seeing ended things with me and i just cant seem to get over him. We've been on and off for six months which originally started as a friends with benefits thing and eventually we decided to start seeing each other. He's messed me around a lot and treated me quite bad, all my friends say i can do a lot better than him. He ended things over text which was hurtful considering how long we've known each other, i thought he would of been decent enough to tell me face to face. He didn't even give a reason, he said it was him who was the problem and that he felt things were not working out. I saw him five days before he ended things and he was completely normal with me and saying all this nice stuff. I just feel used but at the same time he was the first ever guy i really liked and i thought it was going to work out. He says he wants to be friends but i just dont think he'll get in contact with me anymore. I feel so lonely without him. How do i get over him? and should i try to be friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2016): How do you get over him?
-go out with your friends and meet other guys
-think of all the things you hated about him and thank your lucky stars you don't have to put up with that shit anymore
-realize that it wasn't a real relationship, and you deserve a real one
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2016): No No No No No No ... Sorry to be blunt but you are not friends and you never will be ... move on girl .... it is hard it is painful .... but move on ... he was never your friend ... belive me .... mourne ... the lose but move on ... go out have friends .... remember your good times .... but it is over .... Do not agree to be friends .... do not put yourself though that .... move ....run .... be free
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 April 2016):
 I second Honeypie's advice. Why in the world would you want to stay " friends " with someone who messed you around and treated you badly, and only showed you insensitivity and disregard ?...
Personally I am not very much sold on the concept of " staying friends " with an ex ,on principle . But I think it's quite possible in those cases when people did and do get along and always treated each other with care and respect; only unluckily the chemistry ended, the spark was gone, the being in love part, and the wish to share a life together.
In this cases you can't be partners anymore, but mutual trust, affection and respect remain so I guess it is possible being true friends.
But someone who only made you miserable for 6 months, and sent you packing by text ?! Great friend he is ! You can surely give him a miss.
You'll get over him.... by the usual method- being patient, letting time work his healing magic, consciously putting lots of time and energy in other personal, professional, social and recreational endeavours, staying close to family and friends, etc.
AND, as Honeypie says, reflecting about your part , and your responsibility, in the whole mess. Like, why did you let him mistreat you , how come you did not nip it in the bud. How come you feel lonely... without such a negative influence in your life, which in turn means, how come you'd rather be with someone who treats you like crap than having to be single . Where does this come from , and how can you heal that ?...
( Ok, a bit , at your age, it's hormons, a guy talks to your senses , ... and he does not need to do much more to make himself irreplaceable... for the next few months at least :). In part, though, it's ground for serious reflection, like, do you value yourself enough ? Are you willing and able to choose persons and relationships that pull you up as opposed to bring you down ? Is your social mental and emotional life rich enough for you not to try and fill it by whichever male companion you can get, whether he is a good fit or not ? And so on and so forth.
In short : be single and THINK. Think long and hard. Which does not mean that you will become hyper-rational , and you won't ever fall in love . Only, hopefully, that you will find yourself falling in love with people who is ready to appreciate you and respect you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 April 2016):
 No, don't try and be friends. Because you are not REALLY looking for friendship, you are looking for hope that he will change his mind and want to be with you again. He doesn't want that. AND that is good thing! He treated you like crap for goodness sake, what exactly is that you miss?
BLOCK his number, BLOCK him on social media and LISTEN to your friends. THEY want what's best for you and HE isn't it.
I think YOU need to take some time and mull over WHY you let some guy treat you the way he treated you. Why you didn't tell him to go kick rock or fly a kite over a cliff. And it's NOT because you "love" him - love had nothing to do with this mess you call a relationship.
Honey, if a relationship is off/on it's NOT working. When it's off/on it means that neither of you are putting forth enough effort to MAKE it work.
So spend some time reflecting YOUR part in that mess. And LEARN from it. Next time a guy treats you like crap, you CUT him off, not suck it up.
Chin up! You do deserve better. ACCEPT that and live by it.
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