A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I get over being hurt and used by a man? He has used me to do things for him and he never do anything for me in return. I fell in love with him and not sure if he feels the same. I am a widow and am really hurting.
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female
reader, lonely n confused +, writes (11 April 2008):
Im also going through a similiar issue but the problem with me is i actually work with this person and i work under him so i have to see him everyday. We had something for about a year and a half, he would always tell me what i wanted to hear without actually commiting to me i think he would just say things so i wont bring up the subject anymore about having a relationship. I did so much for him he just used me and and didnt appreciate me. He has this way of by looking at me and giving me this vibe and replying to me in this manner that made me feel like nothing. I tried looking for another job but i enjoy where i work and my work environment and that is sonmething hard to find. i jsut feel like i shouldnt give up someting i enjoy because of a mant that treats me as nothing. THe bad part is i fell in love with hima now i dont know what to do. all i do is cry and i cant help is anymore i am really devasted and dont know what to do i keep fasllin into thses depressions and sometimes i cant help it that i end up crying at my desk. I need help i am starting to think that soemthing is wrong wit me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Im also going through a similiar issue but the problem with me is i actually work with this person and i work under him so i have to see him everyday. We had something for about a year and a half, he would always tell me what i wanted to hear without actually commiting to me i think he would just say things so i wont bring up the subject anymore about having a relationship. I did so much for him he just used me and and didnt appreciate me. He has this way of by looking at me and giving me this vibe and replying to me in this manner that made me feel like nothing. I tried looking for another job but i enjoy where i work and my work environment and that is sonmething hard to find. i jsut feel like i shouldnt give up someting i enjoy because of a mant that treats me as nothing. THe bad part is i fell in love with hima now i dont know what to do. all i do is cry and i cant help is anymore i am really devasted and dont know what to do i keep fasllin into thses depressions and sometimes i cant help it that i end up crying at my desk. I need help i am starting to think that soemthing is wrong wit me.
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A
female
reader, bluey`  +, writes (21 March 2008):
hi,ive been thru the same thing - worst thing is i lived with the guy, slept with him and yet we were not in a relationship like i thought. He would point out women all the time around me and not really care about me and ignore me- hed go off to his dance classes..he would never stop criticizing me about my shyness or this and that... i would do things like bake and all that kind of stuff but he would see me upset all the time and call me selfish. He would always walk away from me when ever we went out among other things..He even kicked me out of his place i was living because of things - he is very specific like redoing all the dishes after me because of a tiny spec on one among other things..I was living in a totally new area with him and was lonely cause he would go out every night dancing.I ended up having to fly all the way back to my state and now living with my parents again and very unhappy.Even in contact with him and he is still very insensitive and rude among other things. There is a good book i just got called 'Dont be that girl' by Travis L. Stork MD. which is about guys like this and what we can do to better our chances at never letting this happen again.I have a broken heart and having to handle emotional abuse too - esp all the criticism about my social cues, my looksetc..its really hard and i found myself nearly wanting to sucidie over it ~ but you know what im still here and im better than him ...i hate tho that i am still in contact - it hard to let go for me as i have alot of issues regarding my shyness and other stuff and where i am at the momment.i hate it whe he tells me i will find a guy soon ~ after what he put me thru?? and yet he thinks its all because i am mentally unwell.. well i could go on ..hang in there x
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am taking It one day at a time. I know that God will help me to be free one day.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (29 February 2008):
 http://www.loveadvice.com/ARTICLES/TOOMUCH.HTM
I was also in a very similar situation with a younger man. Everything started out great, and for once in my life (I was in my late 20's) I thought I had met the right guy and was finally willing to commit. I overdid it, big time. It lasted a little over a year, and was one of the most painful experiences in my life - he was a manipulator and this was a pattern for him: getting women to fall in love with him and then turning into an apathetic, disinterested monster! The more he pulled back, the more miserable I felt. I thought I was pretty sharp and would recognize a guy like that but I was so taken in by him, I ignored all of the signs as well: He could be dismissive if I talked about important things to me that he was uninterested in, he was hypersensitive to any criticism, he didn't show up when I moved yet yelled at me when I was 30min late helping him move, he didn't have any really close friends, he put others down, he took a high moral stance on cheating "those people should be sterilized" (of course he cheated on me several times), and he even once said "I'm worried I may get bored of you". Can you believe that?!!
I think where the pain comes in is the BETRAYAL OF SELF. I got over him but then was still reeling from what I put myself through. The best thing I did for myself was I would walk vigorously around the park (3miles) and tell my higher power "just release this sh*t from me because it is too much for me to carry"! By exercising, I acted in a loving way towards myself and by building that relationship with my higher power (yours would be God) I was also acting in a loving way towards myself. This works!
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (29 February 2008):
 The same thing has happened to me and I am in your age group and this was a much younger man....when I met him I truly thought he was the nicest man I had ever met in my life and he told me I was the best person he had ever met in his life some months later...we got along great never fought, he did do things for me and was a good friend, however, I was doing a lot more for him due to some health problems he was having as well as legal, he has lots of issues and being a caring person, I wanted to help and take care of him that is what love is after all, action....
Sad thing was that he did not appreciate me, that and his lack of ability to see things from anyone else's perspecitve when conflict arose, made him leave the relationship....and actually it was after I discovered he had a history of using women, married women at that (I am single) but he has had a couple of affairs with married gals, and he basically is a player, and a convincing one at that.....It is hard when you really like a person to see the red flags, but eventually they start waving in your face and when I called him on it he dumped me in a heart beat afraid that I would tell this woman's husband and tried to make me look the crazy one to protect himself even though I never had any intention on contacting her or her family....he is just nutso, a normal person would not trash a close friend who has bent over backwards for them, if they do they simply have something deep in their core that isn't normal....that is what I believe....goood people that care and are capable of love don't do that to others....ever. It isn't your fault, you are just one of the good guys.....there are good people out there, hopefully one of them will find you.....for some reasons opposites really do attract so my tactic is going to be not being so nice next time, more of a challenge and more of a stickler for what I want....and maybe someone nice will want to bend over backwards for me, what do you think, will it work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you for your reply. I am getting out of it and yes, I will take it slow and watch as well as pray. I am a christian and I believe God will help me through this horrid pain.God Bless you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  + ♥, writes (2 February 2008):
 Not clear if you are still in a relationship with this man...but you have to recognise that there are different ways to respond to the situation. The positive way is to learn from your mistake of adopting a user - everyone makes mistakes! The key to surviving them is to be sure not to repeat history with someone else. I understand you may feel lonely and vulnerable right now being a widow etc but it comes down to self respect. People will only treat you badly if you let them and you have recognised this guy as being a taker.
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A
male
reader, johnc342345 +, writes (2 February 2008):
you go out and find a man that is with you for you obviously he just wanted something for him go out and find one that wants you for who you are and one who isnt selfish and dont let your love for him force you to do things your unsure about doing in matters of the heart take it slow it will avoid alot of pain and suffering believe it or not there are good men out there still that do want women for who they are and not whats between their legs so good luck and next time dont do things for him unless you really REALLY know he would do those for you GOD BLESS AND GOD IS THE ONLY REAL THING THAT CAN HELP YOU GET OVER SITUATIONS LIKE THESE
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