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How do I get my boyfriend to stop spying on me?

Tagged as: Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 July 2007) 9 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, *smarinakis writes:

My boyfriend of 1.5 yr won't stop spying on me. He takes my cell phone without my knowledge and reads texts, goes through my recent calls. We have an otherwise great relationship. I want him to trust me. I have done nothing to betray him, yet I'm always guilty. Help!!! Can he get help?

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A male reader, TomCat United States +, writes (25 February 2008):

you are hot. he may not be able to understand that as hot as you are, you can be all his too. or not. Not your puzzle to figure out - only problem straight up bad that I see is what sounds like totally invading your deal, without cause. Very disrespectful bla bla bla. Seems like you need to be a man that believes your word (.) as well as being able to see that it comes down to your holding aces every day, so why question

hot lady luck, just keep betting on the cum.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

I have a new boyfriend and he keep stalking me and harassing me too. I hate him is name robin . he calling me day and nigth he wont stop calling me thankyou so much I need somehelp with the boyfriend.

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (9 July 2007):

DV1 agony auntYou're not safe. Get out of that relationship immediately, because it will only get worse.

DV1

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A female reader, TaylorChu United States +, writes (9 July 2007):

TaylorChu agony auntIf you can't immediately leave him, see if you can set your phone keypad to being locked UNLESS you enter a series of numbers. The guy might get mad but you can directly tell him "if you cant trust me what makes me think I can trust you & this lousy behavior you are displaying?" You arent a criminal to be watched or a child that needs looking after.

In any case, your trust is non-existent. Leave him immediately. You deserve a much better relationship with a loving man than an insecure one.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (8 July 2007):

eddie agony auntThis will turn into a disaster. Are you not insulted that he actually believes you are that shallow that you'd cheat on him. He's telling you that you're unable to be trusted or handle yourself without his supervision and approval. That is not good.

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A female reader, flyingskirt United States +, writes (8 July 2007):

i dated a dude for SEVEN years and he was doing the same to me and worse (including installing software on the computer to record keystrokes).

please leave him. there's NOTHING you can do to help him get over his insecurities and suspicions. you are the enemy in his eyes and it's his own personal battle to stop seeing women in this way.

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A female reader, Ask_HanBan United Kingdom +, writes (8 July 2007):

Ask_HanBan agony auntIsn't a relationship all about trust?

well if he doesnt trust you then is this relationship worth persuing? if its that strong then suggest he get therapy or councling

gd luk hannah :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007):

Dump him. That crap isn't acceptable. He'll probably beg you to take him back and he'll smarten right up if you do.

I know this seems heavy-handed, but you need to make a strong statement that will stay forever etched into his brain: stalking your girlfriend is never acceptable. It doesn't matter what his reasons are - there's a boundary that needs to be respected for the two of you to be on equal terms in your relationship.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (8 July 2007):

kenny agony auntHe has obviously got some major insecurities and trust issues with regards to your relationship. Maybe he was cheated on in a previous relationship, who knows. If he carries on like this he runs the risk of pushing you away, then ultimately losing you.

You have got to talk to him, tell him that he has got to learn to trust you, and that you would never betray him. See how it goes for a month or two and if he does not stop the possessiveness then you may want to consider calling it a day.

All the best x

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