A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am tired of crying sleepless nights over my marriage. It is loveless, no tenderness and we have tried to keep it together but it seems like a battle going around and around. I'm am quieter than my husband. I have asked him to sleep in the spare room until we agree that we are 100% over the marriage but he refuses. He is adamant that if I want a separation that much that I should be the one to move out. I feel he is really getting me down, if I'm honest I am miserable and it's beginning to show. I can't speak to family over it as we have had our problems before, they gave me advise but I went against them and went back to my husband. I want him to sleep in the spare room and try to take things from there Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 October 2015):
 5 years? Good grief! well, better get started then?
And if you move into the spare room it just shows that you are serious, and that you don't want to play whatever "game" he is playing.
Of course he is doing this to annoy you and control you, so take charge.
And even if you can't legally divorce for 5 years, you CAN move out at some point and live on your own, right? So you don't have to deal with him for those 5 years?
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (5 October 2015):
 Is there anything stopping you from leaving? When things are as bad as you say, moving out may be the better option. Not just for you but your child also. Whether is temporary or permanent both options have a positive side. Temporary gives you time and space to get your head and heart right, takes the child out of a negative environment and makes the transition from married life, should it end, far more easier when you have already been living independently. 5 years is a long torturous time to be be at each other and things to turn rancid. When things really turn to shit, thats when the real trouble starts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): Thank you for your suggestion. He is almost saying no on purpose because he knows it is annoying me. He is quite stubborn and set in his ways. Tonight I am going to go to spare room. Working on a divorce is.not as easy in Ireland, you have to separate for 5 years before you 'qualify' for divorce proceedings. I am so lonely and lost but think if I did not have this pulling me down would make ice a bit easier. It would be another empty slot but I have my daughter and to see her happy is my priority.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): I'm sorry you feel this way. But the poster below is right. Why should he have to be the one to move into the spare room? This is the 21st century. Over 10 years ago my parents separated. My mom moved out ... it was me, my sister and my dad left living in the family home. I was with my ex partner for 9 years. I moved out because it was my choice to end the relationship. He kept our dogs. So your husband has a point.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2015):
Why does HE have to be the one to take the spare room?
I mean I know the argument is moot, because there is not "rebuilding" going on - it's a battle of wills. You don't want to lose face by accepting that it's NOT going to work and thus HE must go to the spare room. He knows it's not going to work, so he really couldn't care less what you want.
So my advice? MOVE out or move into the spare room and start on the divorce. Because really? what's the point here?
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