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How do I get her to open up about this without fearing I'd misjudge?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 December 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 December 2007)
A male Australia age 51-59, *elp me please my wife writes:

i get the feeling when my wife was younger she may have had sex with one of her female friends

how can i get her to open up about this

it is not a bad thing i just want her to feel like she can tell me thing and not be judged

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A female reader, bully07 Canada +, writes (6 December 2007):

Hmmm, I think Mr. Peoriaman might have been a little too harsh on you, I think if u want your wife to open up to you, subtly bring the subject up of girl on girl action or something, and see where it goes. However, don't just spring it up on her, that wouldn't be too cool, then it would just seem more accusatory u know? I hate to repeat points, so I'm just going to suggest doing what " -roisin-marie- " suggested lol, as long as your intentions are pure, but by what you wrote it seems like they are.

good luck :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007):

I have been in your situation, her best friend of many years,(before we got together) had made several passes at her in which at the time made her feel uncomfortable. I was for some reason not convinced she had never ventured. One night last october,whilst we were out,saw a female platonic friend of mine,i couldnt help notice that she was flirting and very overfriendly with my wife. As i wasnt drinking we drove her home, she annd my wife were making coffee in the kitchen and they were giggly. I went to see what the joke was about to find something i had always suspected. I never saw it as cheating.just curiosity. Every now and then they meet for "coffee" and i never make an issue.If and when your wife is ready,she will tell you,as my wife did without being under pressure.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007):

If it isn't a bad thing then she doesn't really need to tell you about it anyway. Do you want to know about the guys she had sex with before you?

I have a feeling you want her to tell you because you'd find the story a turn on. If that is true then it's not a good reason. If she doesn't wish to discuss that part of her past then that should be fine.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

I wouldn't just bring it up out of the blue, especially if you just 'get the feeling' she has. You have to remember that your judgment may just be wrong.

I think the best thing you could do is read a book and then just be like 'How far have you ever gone with a girl?' Have fun with it, don't be all serious.she'll probably ask you why and you could either say that you are reading a book about girl on girl or you just thought about how sexy you think it is. This will make her more comfortable as long as you keep it all light hearted.

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