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How do I get a family that hires me as a nanny to accept I need to bring along my mother who has Alzheimer's?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 July 2016)
A female United States age 41-50, *ishi 1 writes:

Hi ,

Thanks for always being helpful to me.

I have very complicated situation .First ,my profession is nanny . I work as nanny in family environment . I recently lost my job. I was working as nanny . I been with family more then three years. The family like me very much but moved to another state. My mom is 65 years old. She had cancer now she is cancer free. She is very sweet and friendly . She has Alzheimer. She forget things. I am not able to leave her by her self. She used to go with me where I was working. The family had not any issue with that.

Now , most of families like me to hire as nanny whenever I have interviews . but , no one is ready to accept my mom. only one family had not any issue if my mom join with me their family. but , they live very far . I was not able to accept their job offer.

She is going to get medicated on 2018 years. then someone (caregiver)is going to be with her .

please , I don't need advice for government assistance. I tried every thing .

I just need suggestion how could a family is going to hire me and will accept my mom as well?

btw , she is good cook. how if I try she work as cook at my job place ? and I don't mention to the families about her health issue .

During work I could keep eye on her. she will be not by her self.

I know it seems very strange to take your family member at your work but I don't have any other option.

please , need advice.

Thanks

God bless

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2016):

She doesn't have the diagnosis, you are just assuming with what you describe as few symptoms I believe. There could be many reasons for forgetfulness - depression and anxiety are two actually, but many others. What's this about getting medicated in 2018? What does that mean?

As far as taking her with you to work- this isn't a normal thing to do and I cant imagine why strangers who would employ you would think this not an abnormal request. You are taking a job to look after their children, I cant think of a circumstance whereby an employer would think taking your mum along to look after her too as she cant be left alone would be ok. I certainly wouldn't I'm afraid.

What you ask isn't realistic at all

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntPlease take her to a doctor; don't self-diagnose. She needs help and there may be a simpler reason behind it or a good way to help her. Don't let her struggle more than she needs to by not getting her seen by a doctor; it's obvious you care a lot about her.

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A female reader, mishi 1 United States +, writes (20 July 2016):

mishi 1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

mishi 1 agony auntThanks for your reply. I am very sorry to use Alzheimer word.

Well, she did not diagnosis by a doctor that she has Alzheimer . But ,She forget very little things.could be because of her age.

If I will work I will only four hours per day. It would be very easy for me to keep eye on her.

Thanks again.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou can *not* lie to a family who are relying on you to protect their children - the fact you are considering it would make me refuse to hire you. I know you don't mean it, but it would be incredibly irresponsible and that's why I wouldn't trust you with my children.

Your mother may be sweet and friendly, but Alzheimer's is unpredictable and you can't guarantee that your mum wouldn't accidentally do something that is dangerous. It's too risky to have to watch someone else's children and your mum too.

I think you need to have your mum in a residential home or assisted living - I know that's a hard thing to do, but most families won't have someone in the house who is a liability and that's what someone with Alzheimer's is, unfortunately.

I'm sorry, OP, but I think you either need to work from home or work as a nanny, but without your mum being there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2016):

This will be difficult to find, and you need to be honest, people with alzheimers can have drastic personality changes, they can become violent. Their personal hygiene can also deteriorate. It's a lot to take on for family, it may be near impossible to find somewhere to take you both in.

It may be better to find somewhere to accept you and find sheltered accommodation nearby for your mother. I've been a carer since I was 11, so I know how difficult it is to try to balance your life around your caring obligationa. Good luck, I hope things go well for you.

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