A
male
age
30-35,
*ntPain
writes:Hey Everyone, I recently started going out with a girl I really like. For the first time I feel like being a nice guy has paid off as she really seems perfect in every way.However, the only thing wrong is that she has an extremely overbearing and protective father. I've dealt with parents before with girlfriends but his reaction to finding out she had a new boy friend was to ground her there and then in front of me on Skype telling her she did not have a boy friend.She was upset and I told her that I wanted to meet him, to show I'm not a typical 19 year old guy. I'm in sixth form, I own my own business, I have worked for everything I own and am extremely respectful of girls.She went to tell him this to see if he would meet me if only once. His reaction was to say he wanted nothing to do with me, that she could meet me at the weekend but he confiscated her laptop making contact with her a lot harder.Any help into how I can make this work better would be amazing. I'm hoping with time he may come around, she told him that she really liked me and that she wouldnt end us based on what he did but I would like a better relationship with her dad as it would make everything better in my opinion.Thanks everyone.PS - He is generally overly controlling, not just with bf's. She isn't allowed out in the mornings, has to be by 5pm and he doesn't like her having friends with "vehicles" when she herself is 17 nearly 18. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I'm a parent so I understand the need in this man to protect his children. He is going a bit over the top but unfortunately there's not a lot you can do. What I suggest is just to keep being there, be respectful to him, obey his rules, treat his daughter the way he demands, in essence play his game and eventually he will hopefully see you for who you are and begin to relax his iron grip.
All the best to you I hope this works out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): She didn't get that way (perfect in every way) all by herself, her parents must have had something to do with it ;-)
So, if you are really serious about her, then you will need to be patient. She is like gold to her father, and he is just trying to protect what he has spent her lifetime being her protector and soul provider, etc.
He himself is a male, he knows what he was like at that age, and is probably trying to stop what will happen anyway. His little girl will grow wings and fly one day, he just isn't ready.
Do not make her choose. There is no choice to be made. Her father plays a vital role, but now her new beau does too. Instead of making it harder, be patient, be understanding, and be consistent and persistent.
Perhaps (if possible) go and see him and talk to him man to man. Tell him how you respect the job he has done, how his daughter is a perfect girl, that you will treasure and wish to get to know better. That you will not hurt her, and you want to make her happy. That both of you have the same intention - to make her future happy.
Unfortunately you are breaking new ground here. His reaction was totally over the top, but it just shows how big his fear really is. He can't control it anymore, even though he is trying. It will turn his daughter against him, which is the opposite of what he wants.
When you told her you wanted to meet him, how possible and soon is that? I would not wait. Make it happen asap, as it will illiminate any potential misunderstandings or miscommunication.
I'm talking from experience as I had the same thing happen to me.
Sorry, I just re-read and you said her father wanted nothing to do with you. Well, that is a second hand message. Do not accept that. Be the young upstanding man you are, and go there. Arrive unexpectedly. Take him a gift. Find out what he enjoys, what are his hobbies, and take him a token. Then have your speech ready of your intentions. Also, take a letter explaining who you are, what you have done and achieved, how you will honour his gift (his daughter) by treating her and her family right. Say everything you would like to say. Then when you get there, if he won't let you in, or closes the door on you, put the letter under the door. You will and MUST break through the protective barrier he has set up ;-)
She is perfect as you say, so worth the additional effort you need to put in. Nothing good comes easy, and this is another example.
Fight for her. Be honourable and true.
Everything he is currently doing of taking away her laptop, enforcing strict rules, etc will only backfire and upset her. Don't side with her and make him an ogre. Tell her you understand her father wanting to protect her. She will feel relief that you won't go away because of it. She needs to know you will jump through hoops for her, even waiting it out until you have freedom to see her.
Hopefully in time he will relent. He can't stop the natural progression of life. It's the circle of life. If it's not you, someone else WILL come along to take his daughter one day, he needs to start realising that, preparing for it, and accepting it. Right now he will be in the realisation phase. How you handle things, will get him through preparing and accepting.
Wishing you luck in this, fight for your true love :)
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