A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years. We are very secure and loving toward each other and I don't see that changing at all. However, he's got a fantasy that he kind of wants to fulfill before we get married and has told me that he wants me to choose the girl we do this with so I'm completely comfortable with it. It's not necessarily a threesome; he wants a 'two headed blowjob'. I used to not be open to that at all but now I realize it might be kind of fun and could bring our sexual relationship to an entirely new and exciting level. The problem is that I'm nervous about making the first step. My fiance knows that I have to be in control of a situation in order to feel comfortable with the entire thing and that's why even doing the talking is something that I have to do myself. I don't really want us to find someone at a bar because you never know what you'll never know what you catch and you could end up meeting up with a serial killer on Craigslist. So, how can I go about finding a girl about mid-20s that would be willing to do this with us?
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (6 December 2014):
 Have you ever wondered why he wants to do this BEFORE marriage and not after?
He can't argue traditional values since you're already having sex before marriage, and threesomes aren't part of traditional relationships anyway.
Is it a 'moral' reason? What makes it moral now but immoral after marriage? You're exclusive to one another. Inviting another woman to bed with you is no more 'cheating' then than it is now.
So, why then?
There are only two reasons I can think of. One is to use marriage, which I'm guessing you want more than he does, to leverage your co-operation. And two, to allow himself an out in case the threesome bombs. It's easier to dump a girlfriend than it is to divorce a wife.
I know this isn't what you asked, but like the others, I'm a bit concerned that you're making a big sacrifice and taking a big risk just to give your boyfriend fleeting pleasure.
And these memories last a lifetime.
OP, I really recommend you take stock of this whole relationship and seriously reconsider marrying this guy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): Wow what a romancer. So he wants to get married - and instead of looking forward to spending his life with you he's planning on booking up with another woman in front of you.
Really, really ask yourself how you are going to feel watching another woman pleasure your fiancé. It could destroy you both.
Wouldn't do it in a million years and wouldn't want to marry someone who wanted to invite other people into the bedroom - personally that is asking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): If this really were just a question about you finding a girl, then those other details wouldn't have been included.
The fact is, your choice of wording like "however" and "might" suggest that you are not okay with this and you're just trying to trick yourself into being okay with it.
Don't do it. It will only hurt you later, especially if it's only his fantasy, and not yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): Your fiance is a low life, break up with him and find a man who only wants YOU and you ALONE. You don't really want to do this and as others have said he is manipulating you into this. Please be strong enough to see what he is doing here and do the right thing for yourself.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (3 December 2014):
You are lying to yourself. See this...
"We are very secure and loving toward each other and I don't see that changing at all."
No secure couple needs another person in their relationship. And if you are really secure...well not after bringing someone else to the party.
Even animals do not let other males or females get involve with their mating. Some animals will fight to the death to "SECURE" their right to mate.
You just want to hand it over like that and "Blow" it all away. If it backfires, it will be tough to swallow. :)
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (3 December 2014):
I agree with everyone else - what exactly is the other woman getting out of this? I don't know anyone who'd be willing to give a random guy a blow job with no other pay-off for her. Would you do it for another couple?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 December 2014):
 As a former swinger i think you are playing with fire but I'll answer your question.
Post an ad on OK CUPID or Plenty of FISH and you should find someone.
FWIW I've BTDT and it's not that big a deal.
I now have a NO SHARING policy since being in an open marriage led to my being divorced and remarried.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): While there are all kinds of alternative relationships and they say all is good when all parties are ok with it, it rarely works.,
I personally know several people who call themselves polyamoruos, then there are swingers, couples who do threesomes and ins my experience it always falls apart.
To have this kind of relationship is a lot of work, and someone suffers emotionally almost always.,
Fantazies called fantazies for a reason , to stay fantazies. We all fantasize, but we don't actually go and do it.,
I agree with others : you don't really want to do it. Notice that this fantasy is totally about your boyfriend, how two women are pleasuring him, and that's all.
Don't fool yourself thinking that t will be his first and last venture. He will doit again. If you are ok with it, then I guess it's ok to go through with this whole thing. But it's not your job to find a girl.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 December 2014):
 I agree with the others, sorry. This is something he wants, and you dont. He should respect that, rather than pressure you into this and emotionally blackmail you (oh, just this one fantasy before we marry...). Unless this is something you BOTH want, its a no go. And you know you dont want this. You are just trying to please him and be "the perfect gf" so he will not leave you.
Where to find a girl? Oh jolly, you just need to start hitting on women the same way men do, and see if you get lucky. Thats pretty much it. Sounds like so much fun, right? So much fun, in particular when you are going to ask them to do a sexual act that you dont even want yourself. I agree with the others, you will have a hard time finding a woman who will think this is a good idea, unless you hire a prostitute.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): Last post is one hundred percent spot on. He is manipulating you. He does NOT love you! Do not lose your self respect just so he can get off
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (3 December 2014):
I reread your post and I have more to add.
You say you are completely comfortable with it, then in the very next breath say you are nervous and uncomfortable. You say you used to be against it, but now you realize it "might" be kind of fun. You say you are very secure and loving and you don't see that changing, then follow it up with "however".
Admit it honey, you do NOT want to do this, at all.
It is clear he has pressured you.
You love him, and he has made it ABUNDANTLY FREAKING CLEAR that this is something he wants, one last fantasy before you get married, then he'll be the perfect husband and you'll have lots of beautiful babies and you two will live happily ever after.
Don't believe it. He is manipulating you. He is trying to guilt/sweet talk you into this thing that you are so very uncomfortable about.
That is not love. Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): Absolutely I agree that this is a massive mistake. I know you think you know what you are doing and are oh so secure but take it from the many older and wiser aunts and uncles here . This RARELY is EVEr works out !
The fact that he wants another woman sexually should be setting off alarm bells for you in two ways
One why aren't you enough for him? Why does he need another woman?
Two... Why don't you feel deep down that you deserve a man who wants only you and is committed to only being sexual with you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): Do yourself a huge favor. Don't give your fiance' permission to cheat on you in your face.
Allowing him this fantasy, will lead to another and another. What if this third-wheel likes your man and decides to find her way back for more fun? What if he finds her skills better than yours?
If it means so much to him, why don't you dissolve the engagement; and just have threesomes. You're engaged to be married. You're supposed to be his one and only. It's not a favor, it's a test. A test of your gullibility.
I'm sorry, but asking your finance' to do such a thing is a player's tactic. If he is persistent about it, your engagement is a sham. In theory it always seems okay. In reality and hindsight, it totally sucks! No pun intended!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2014):
 So he's making you do the work of finding someone to fulfill his 'kind of' fantasy? Interesting.
I guess if I were in your shoes, I would try to find the local swingers' scene and start interviewing candidates.
I would throw your question back in his ballpark.
"Sweetheart, where would you suggest that I go about finding a woman in her mid 20s willing to do this?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): Not even a unicorn, she's not wanting a threesome, she just wants someone to service her boyfriend. She'll need to hire someone.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (2 December 2014):
There is a name for the kind of girl you are looking for, and it is called a unicorn. They are called unicorns because there are very, very few women that are actually willing to jump in to this sort of thing with an existing couple, especially for a casual sex thing. What is this other woman going to get out of it? Oh, yay, she gets to suck your boyfriend off along with you, and possibly run into jealousy issues or weird emotional situations. She gets to be a third wheel. What is the draw for her? Doesn't sound like she would be anything other than a second mouth.
If you were after polyamory or even a regular Threesome you might have better luck (might), but even then it is hard to find takers.
Frankly the context and role that you want her to play sounds demeaning, and i doubt you will have much luck.
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