A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a relationship with a married man..? I'm 23 he is 35 and I must admit that i was real naive about the whole thing, to begin with I assumed he must be seperated as he was just to caring and nice a guy.But, he is not. And it just happened. The connection was strong, similarities and we were at a camp. I was kind of idolising him and thought nothing of it, until he made a move and i just couldnt fight it, nor did my gut tell me to.Since then, we have kept in email contact. Every few days he emails me to see how things are with my studies and he has been so very supportive and encouraging to me , it is something I am so greatful for and he really pulled me through such a difficult time in my life.. with encouragement, attention and stability. We live in seperate close countries so we will probably not meet much again. But the email is still there..but non sexual.Anyway, I think it is ending. I havent got that from him, but yeah it must. I know it is wrong. I know i would never want anything more from him, but i need to let him know and i just have no idea how. I find myself thinking about him a lot, and I just don't want to because it's not feesable and it's not right. He's been really wonderful to me..and i know he will be supportive again and say it's ok.. but i just have no idea where to begin this email. Can you please help me? I've written this question so many times..and deleted it. I know i will see him again. I'm scared I'll instigate things too, i just need to end this..? please help
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affair, married man Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, bemused  + ♥, writes (7 March 2009):
 Hi hun
I think he is letting you down gently and is trying to avoid hurting you. A lot of guys would have cut it clean, he is trying to keep you as a friend. If an occasional email friend is all you want, well this may be enough. I think you really like him and are hurt by this outcome. Ninety five percent of the time, this is the outcome of an affair with a married man. It seems that he genuinely likes you, respects you and wishes you well but I think you need to face the fact that this was an interlude only for him. What about being with someone of your own, not distant seconds which is what a married man would be for you. Plus he is in another country. I would let this one go. You are young. Get out into the world. You will meet someone new and this will fade. Good luck hun.
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (7 March 2009):
 Your saying your not so sure you want to end it he is married so that is good enough reason to stop it NOW, he has a wife what about her in all this have any of the two of you given her any thought? If there are kids involved in this it is even worse. Fooling around usually leads to other things your both being highly disrespectful to his wife and family if he has any!
Stop beating about the bush it is over finish it out of respect to his wife cause he clearly has none for her.
Gina
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has actually asked for travelling photos of me regularly with enthusiasm and i have visited him once and him me..since.
but you are right, he does have the respect and thankfully it is not as deeply emotional as some other articles i have read.. it is just fooling around though.
i guess im not so sure if i want to end it.. but it's now or later ..or can it just fade.. I feel like i just want to suddenly stop emailing him..perhaps block him..but i know he will be writing away wondering wht has happened..
im sorry gina, i just don't know if i could write that..
any more advice?(male reader?)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): It sounds to me that he has ended the affair and is happy to be friends. From what you wrote he has no strong emotions for you but does have respect. You can always test him by writing an email saying that you have found someone else. If he is happy for you then it is fairly obvious that he has moved on from your camp experience.
hope it all works out and try not to dwell on the past
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (7 March 2009):
You tell him as he is married this can not continue as it is not fair to his innocent wife! You do not see him again either tell him it is for the best cause if you see him you know what will happen so avoid this at all costs.
Be polite but firm he is a married man and it should have stopped as soon as you found out, do the decent thing make the e-mail short and to the point as you do not want to rabble on about all the good times etc: that will send out the wrong message as i say be firm and to the point it is over and that is the end of it.
Gina
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