A
female
age
41-50,
*udith2012
writes:I started to date a guy and wish to have a serious long term relationship. If the guy want to have sex with me? How do i distingush whether he like me or just like to have sex? How long or how many dates should have before the intimacy?thanks and waiting for help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (24 April 2012):
I agree with the advice given by Odds, and not really the advice given by traeumerin. You definitely shouldn't have sex with anyone before you feel comfortable, that's true. However, if you deliberately make a man who is experienced in dating wait, he will very quickly lose interest and move on. It happens because of all the reasons Odds pointed out.I'm 35 and my general rule is 3 to 4 dates. If I'm interested in a woman and we get to the 3rd or 4th date and still haven't had sex, then I'm out.The main issue here, OP, is that sex can't be used as a barometer to gauge a man's interest. The fact is all men like to have sex. Who doesn't, right? If you want to tell whether this man is genuinely interested in you or just after the sex then you need to look for other signs. Does he do little things for you? How does he converse with you? Things like that. Testing him by withholding sex will push him away, regardless of his intentions.Best of luck!
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (24 April 2012):
 Men in their 30's and 40's are not usually as willing to wait very long for sex, even if they are serious. To them, it smacks of game-playing, and they got tired of games in their 20's. After all, for every player who is only out for sex, there is a decent man who has been strung along too many times. By all means, don't have sex until you're ready, but be aware that this means you'll lose a few good catches along with the bad. You'll have to be patient and persistent in finding a man.
Best way to find a decent guy is to look in decent places. Go through mutual friends instead of dating sites, hobbies instead of bars, that sort of thing. Look for men who are or used to be nerds, like engineers and accountants - that last one is just anecdotal, so take it for what it's worth, but I have a lot of engineer and accountant friends, and (with one prominent exception) they're all decent guys who treat the women they date with respect, even when the woman in question doesn't deserve it, just because it's the right thing to do.
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A
female
reader, traeumerin242 +, writes (24 April 2012):
Have sex with him when you are ready, but don't do it until you are absolutely sure. If you're looking for something long-term, you may want to hold off on the sex until you feel really comfortable with him. If he can't wait for the sex, then he's obviously more interested in the sexual with you than the actual relationship. Don't give him a time frame because then he will hold off the sex exactly as long as you tell him he needs to, but then he may start pressuring you to have sex as soon as that is up.
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