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How do I deal with the Lesbian Bed Death phenomena?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 March 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I am a bisexual female with an extremely high sex drive. I have been in a lesbian relationship for the last several years with a woman who NEVER wants sex. I believe we are experiencing what I've heard referred to as Lesbian Bed Death. I've been doing some research and it is apparently not uncommon and not seen as being as abnormal for a lesbian relationship as a sexless straight or gay male relationship. Nevertheless, I am entirely disgusted with the situation. I love her and don't want to hurt her but I am seriously thinking about bailing on this relationship. Here's my question: to everyone with a high sex drive out there-especially the women: how important is sex to a relationship? I can't imagine never having sex or having bad sex when I do get it from her-she's basically just "servicing me" for the rest of my life. I'm honestly not even attracted to her sexually anymore because of the feeling that she is just putting up with me. Plus, I really miss having sex with a man. Advice? Similar stories?

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (27 March 2010):

Frank B Kermit agony auntBefore you end your relationship, consider that it might be the relationship structure that needs adjustment.

If you have such a high sex drive and you are bisexual, it is unlikely that a monogamous relationship structure is going to satisfy you long term. You may want to consider structuring a more open relationship so that you can get your needs met, and still maintain the things you like about the relationship you are already in. Rather that break up first, talk to your partner and see if re-structuring your relationship might be what you both need.

-Frank Kermit

author, Alternative Relationship Choices

http://www.franktalks.com

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A female reader, Jess2881 United States +, writes (27 March 2010):

Wow i can honestly say that i have never heard a story like this but the good thing is i can try to help you k so first of all sex is a beautiful thing right right. . . but he you love her than just tell her how you feel about ya'lls sex situation and see what she says about it and he that doesnt in as planned than i would probably say to just find someone else if you are that serious about having to have sex. . . and with the whole missing having sex with men thing i think that it is bc your just not gettin anything right now so foot let that get to you too much ok so i guess i will talk to you later bye and i wish you the best of luck! :) bye

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