A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Okay, so I have this problem with a friend. He's perfectly nice when sober if a bit oblivious to the way he behaves. But he's a hard drinker and when he drinks he acts in a strange way. we're both gay and when we go to gay clubs, he is only really there purely to get laid or draw attention to himself (atleast when drunk). Firstly, When he drinks he just kisses every guy (who is ready and willing) one after the other, i think he does this purely to make a point about how many boys he can get, without any regard to the fact he is not even attracted to them. I know these guys are thinking the same as him, because as soon as his back is turned (or even in front of him) they'll make eyes at me or try and get with me, I dont know even if he realises or cares. Secondly, when we're in a club he occasionally just randomly dissappears off, he's so drunk he forgets to tell me (its usually just the two of us) thats he'sgone to the atm to pull out money or he's met someone and going home. On other occassions, like yesterday he just left and went home with some boyhe'd just met without even saying goodbye, leaving me alone in the club with some random guy, i'd come out for his birthday, surely its common decency to atleast send a text to let someone know you've left. But once again he was too drunk. When I called him andasked him what had happened he didnt even know where he was and was almost rude/sarcastic in his response as if it was unreasonable to ask for an apology or an explanation seeing as we had planned to go clubbing later, he just he thought he'd told me (same old story). Another thing is when he drinks he gets cocky when he drinks, and starts grabbing me or trying to dance close to me ( I actually have to push him off sometimes). And then he gets bitter if you don't want to play ball with him. I have no sexual interest in him, but i do think at the core he's a fun and nice person. Either way I dont know what to do, I've picked him up on it a couple of times, and i feel like a nagging friend.
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male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (18 January 2009):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for all your answers. i sat my friend down and had a serious word with him about a number of things. and since then he's been much nicer. he said basically, part of the gay club experience for him is picking up. he just has "a one track mind" when he's in there. and the alcohol makes him forget other. but he completely took on board what i said,and seemed genuinely sorry. and i respect thathe did the same thing when we went to the club this time (i.e. smooching around)but before he left this time he was considerate enough to tell me and this time there were other friends with us. i realised this time he's actually very lonely, cos when he was drunk he kept imagining boys in their club were a boy who rejected him after a one night stand. he was entirely convinced it was him, but he wouldnt look him in the eye,i spoke to the boy and it was a different person entirely. he even with sadness told me in hsi eyes "if i want to kiss him, I can" I didn't want to and it didnt matter cos it wasnt him anyway.to the last poster, its possible he is attached to me, but i'm not sure 'in love' is the right word. i think he just gets very conflicting, confused emotions not coming from a bad place.
A
male
reader, cherie38 +, writes (18 January 2009):
i think you are missing something here hun! have you ever thought that your friend may be actingb this way around you because he is actually in love with you! think about it hun x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 December 2008):
To be a good friend to someone you have to be brutally honest sometimes.
I have a friend who used to be HORRIBLE to everyone when drunk, start fights with his male friends and come on to his female friends. In the end a few of us told us that we didn't want to have him out with us any more and he decided to go T-Total.
Now he's the (sober) life and soul of the party and we all have a great time.
I think I'd rather my friends told me to stop drinking rather than just stop calling.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (30 December 2008):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, thats pretty much great advise, and kind of simple yet effective. I get really bogged down with thinking is it me or him thats wrong. but at the end of the day doesn't matter. I kind of sent him an angry drunken text saying : 'its not cool to dick around your mates. what an arsey way to behave[...told him what he did wrong here] if alchohol makes you act like a twat then you should drink less'. i think it gets the point across im pissed off and doesnt rule out remaining friends.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 December 2008):
I think you have to just tell him straight that you don't like him when he is drunk.
Then when he starts behaving like this then just leave early. Or take more friends with you so you can hang out with them and ignore him.
Once he realises that he can't get away with this behaviour and have fun with you then he might cut back.
Good Luck!! xx
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