A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How do I cope with a gambling addicted boyfriend?My partner of 2 years started gambling a lot about 2/3 months into the relationship. Ive tried my hardest to support and understand this problem ive offered to go to counciling with him or pointed him in the direct to get help.. Ive gone to the extreme and taken all his money off him Barr enough to live on. And when he makes 2 steps forwards its 10 backwards .. How do I help or even cope with the financial stress all the time. His addiction soon turns to anger and it scares me that one day that anger maybe transfered. I want to do what ever I can to help I know it must be hard for him but it's never got any better no matter how much he says it has he just lies and I just find out the truth. What can I do.. How should I act ??
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 He knows you are not going to leave him, and he doesn't want to stop gambling, he is addicted and enjoys the thrill.
Honestly honey the only way that you can help him is to make him choose you or the gambling, if he chooses you then you catch him gambling, walk away and never look back. Make it clear to him the next time he gambles he will have lost you for good and stick with that.
Yes off course it is okay to support him and help him, but he can only change himself and it doesn't look like he is ready to do that yet, if he doesn't change then this will be your future. Always uncertain always losing.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 February 2017):
 If he's not willing to work on his addiction then you've already lost. This isn't your problem and I understand that you want to help him but this isn't for you to do.
Sounds like he doesn't even realise he has an addiction if he's continuing to do it even when you've told him.
One last straw either tell him to get help or you are leaving. You're too young to be dealing with something like this when you should be enjoying the best years of your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2017): The Citizen's Advice Bureau may even know of some resources for family members affected by the gambling of of a gambling addict. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/ can help you.The Gamcare line can help too on Freephone: 0808 8020 133 as can Gambling anonymouse in England https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/And you can learn more about resources for those affected by gambling here https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/who-are-gambling-therapyThis is how the gambling addiction can progress.The gambler starts to borrow money from all over the place. most are unsecured "loans" that will never be repaid. Eventually the crescendo of callers wanting their money repaid will result in the gambler changing their phone number. The gambler may turn to stealing money, even from family and friends. The money will not be repaid as any money the gambler has is used for gambling.Gamblers will steal from an employer and embezzle. When they reach their lowest ebb they will cry and become emotional. But once they have money in their pocket they will be straight off to gamble.They will promise to get help but then renege on that promise. Their word means nothing as they cannot be trusted.to feel better they may turn to alcohol or drugs.then there are the sob stories - someone stole their wallet. they lost their jacket and that had their money. their sob stories sound so believable.Believe the excuses at your risk.Because the excuses are invariably lies to get you to give them some money. which they will lose through gambling.I have known 3 gamblers and all are complete losers.All 3 of those gamblers have a string of failed relationships and divorces because over and over again they break trust.You cannot fix this problem.All you will end up is sorrow and pain.Make sure you have NO financial links to him.DO NOT lend him money.Break up with. change your phone number. Do not leaveMove out and leave him a contact card for a free gambling addiction service.Whether he gets help to handle his addiction is not your problem.The gambler needs help but right now is not willing to accept help to manage the addiction.It will cause you sadness to leave.It will cost you more and inflict even more sadness on you if you stay.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 February 2017):
 Regardless the form of gambling your boyfriend is addicted to he is never going to win .... the will always be the next big thing to put his money on, however large or small that amount of money is.
You are not his mother, treating him like a naughty child and taking his money from him might work in the short term but in the long term it will not.
The only person who can change or stop his gambling habits is him ... you cannot do a damned thing except whistle in the wind.
The anger and the lying is only going to increase.
You are still young, image your life 5 years, 10 years, 20 years from now .... with an angrier man who will need an outlet for his anger and frustration .... can you imagine it? What if you add a couple of kids to that mix, no money for school books let alone school trips or special holidays because daddy put it all on a horse or in a machine or on a pack of cards. Their life will be hell.
The best thing you can do for both of you is call it quits now, he is not going to stop gambling or getting angry or telling lies and you are not going to be able to do anything about it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (18 February 2017):
 Give him an ultimatum: the gambling or you. Then pack your bags and move out because I promise you he will pick the gambling.
YOU cannot change him. HE needs to want to change.
If he turns angry when denied his "fix", you could be putting yourself in potential danger by trying to stop his addiction. Please don't do that. You are not his mother or his therapist.
You do not say how you feel about this guy but, in your shoes, I would be looking to extricate myself from this relationship as quickly as possible. He already had a mistress: gambling. There is no room for you in his life. Cut contact and, above all, never EVER give him money, no matter what he says it is for. You should not be having to check up on him. You deserve to be in a relationship where you can trust your partner. You have already lost all trust in him.
With any luck, he will realize what he has lost and it will be a wake-up call for him to get help, but I really wouldn't hold your breath. Addicts usually have to sink very very low before they will admit they need help.
Wish him all the best and find a partner who puts YOU first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 February 2017):
 What can you do?
YOU can accept that THIS is NOT your issue. Either he wants to "fix" it and work on it himself or he doesn't.
If he does, TALK to his therapist on how YOU can help.
If he doesn't want help and seeks help there REALLY isn't anything you can do. You can't control it and you can't change him either. So I'd say NO MATTER how much you love him (in his good moments) it may not be "worth it" top stay with him in the long run. Love can't FIX addiction.
He already has anger issues when he gets caught lying - and that is just the tip of the iceberg. You can't trust him with money. You can't trust him, to be honest with you either.
You are in the 22-25 age group and to be VERY frank with you OP, I think you are making a HUGE mistake in staying with him, it's ONLY downhill from here - UNLESS he REALLY takes his addiction and recovery serious and even then, he can have relapse after relapse.
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