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How do I convince my wife to have sex with another man??

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 October 2007) 22 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2012)
A male Canada age , *ennyJohnes writes:

Please offer suggestions as to how to convince my late-50s wife to have sex with another man for our mutual pleasure. Although she has not always been faithful to me (she had an affair many years ago early in our marriage), she simply refuses to do this. At my request, she considered it but then rejected the idea. She enjoys sex with me but says that is enough for her. During intercourse, she will talk about her dalliances with her old lover, knowing that this arouses me but it doesn't change her current dis-inclination. Any advice to help her change her mind would be much appreciated.

ps. Please don't bother to offer advice about how my desire is a bad idea. I am confident that no harm would come of her screwing another guy. In any case, advice against seeking that is not what I am requesting.

Kenny

View related questions: affair, sex with another

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (6 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIF it was for your mutual pleasure you would not need to convince her. Clearly this is about YOUR pleasure…

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2012):

Miamine agony auntSince this old post has come up again.. I wonder where Kenny went. Surely if him and wife were happy in their threesome, he'd be here telling everyone how wonderful it went.

I wonder if she divorced him for emotional cruelty, or she told him to stop bullying and harassing her?

Men you have the right to ask.. but if the lady says no, just like rape.. it's NO!

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A male reader, ramaray1 Canada +, writes (6 February 2012):

I think it's a good idea, all husbands who want this should get together.

My problem I can't keep a hard on, get it in and to make my wife orgasm.

I think we tell them try it once and see how good it feels.

Tell her you still love her and want her to enjoy sex

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A male reader, wallabimba United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2011):

Leave. That seems to have the desired effect

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011):

I would love my wife to get some extra action, jut cannot get it to happen, I think it could under the right circumstances.

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A male reader, hot D United Kingdom +, writes (17 June 2011):

It seems to me if you really want this to happen why mention that she had an affair.I believe since then your wife has been trying to be faithfull to you, so she might be thinking that you are testing her and also her sexual needs might not be the same as yours. You need to forget and make her truely believe that you have forgiven her! By fixing the marriage. (DO NOT BRING UP THE AFFAIR) by firstly being her friend (HAVE FUN SPENDING TIME WITH EACH OTHER BECOME EACH OTHERS BEST FRIEND). Then become more romantic ( COOK EACH OTHER A MEAL ROMANCE HER. HELP EACH OTHER TO RELAX).Then be like young people in love ( HAVE AS MUCH SEX AS YOU BOTH CAN HAVE. ALSO HAVE LONG WEEKENDS AWAY OR STAY AT HOME WERE ALL DO IS HAVE MOBILES,TV,PHONES,OFF AND HAVE A LAZY DAYS IN BED RELAXING AND SOMETIMES HAVING SEX). Then when you both are truely comfortable with eachother and you really think about it and still want to do it then openly talk with her tell her what u want and what she might want inreturn, tell her how many men you want her to sleep with, how often, and the boundries that you want you might have to bend on some so think of as much as you want so will say no to the ones you do not want her to do so she will think she is in controll. This might help it did to me and my wife she sometime sleep with 1 man or more at the same time. She sleeps with other men roughly 3-4 days a week when she feels like it some times she will tell me sometimes she won't and she sometimes dose not tell me when she is going to sleep with other men 4 she needs some controll and plus it makes me horny when she dose tell me. She is now allows me to only watch her get shafted.On the 20th may 2011 I was allowed to only watch her get screwd by 8 men they had sex with her practally non stop for 3 days she eventally told me that she felt like a dirty slut but she loved it because the were rough with her and she was felling pain and pleasure she could not move for two days she was had in every way possible and completely cover in cum. tell me how it whent on please.

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A male reader, lovingstockings Canada +, writes (3 January 2011):

well...........If you EVER find a way let me know.

my wife is fairly conservative and I fantasize about another guy doing her too

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010):

I am in a similar boat as you are. I dont mean I dont love her but its just so exciting and I am sure it is moment that will be exciting. i am pretty neutral to your desire but the only advice i can give here is whatever you do, do it only if you have full support from her, willingly.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010):

just wait a couple of weeks and try again did it with my wife and it work doing it againg for her birthday we both like it and know we are stronger as a couple

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010):

Kenny,

It seems as though your wife could accommodate or at least try to accommodate your fantasy, especially given you have put up with her having an affair. Over the years, women are in the driver's seat, insofar as relationships go, but as men, we do get the last laugh. You will notice shortly there are far more women than men as you age. If you stay healthy, you will have the best time of your life in the next 20 years. I'd have hit the highway over the affair, but you've stuck it out, and I would definitely call this a deal breaker. Maybe after you're out there dating again, she may be more willing to entice you back with your fantasy. You'd be surprised how many single women will really like your fantasy, and completely indulge you with it. In life, you sometimes have to bet it all to win, but you could always lose, so be prepared for that as well. Like I said, get your butt in a gym, get to a plastic surgeon and see what he can help you with. Join clubs doing things you like, and you'll meet new women with the same interests as you. Like to kayak, join a kayak club. Remember, it was her who destroyed the sanctity of your marriage. Don't end up in your death bed someday, regretting not having gone for all the gusto you could have. Everyone dies, but not everyone really lives!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010):

I have had this fantasy/fetish too for a very long time. I bring it up to my wife all the time and she said that she would do it once for me. I want to do this in a safe way and want to do it when we are away from home, probably when we go by ourselves to atlantic city new jersey. I think about it all the time. She has never been in a sexual relationship with anyone but me. I married her as a virgin, and the thought of this sexy, voluptuous, inexperienced being used and enjoyed to the fullest by someone other than me while I watch is the ultimate turn on. I want more than anything to see this happen and I think the time is coming soon.

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A male reader, skyeblue United States +, writes (6 December 2009):

Hi - I have been with two women both of whom had eventually slept with other men for me (and us). If your not very careful and talk about it... she can and will leave you after having sex with another man with your consent... even if she acts like it is ok and she would never leave you. That being said... talk... during sex whisper in her ear about your fantasy of seeing her with another guy. Be explicit and detailed, let her know how much it will turn you on to see her give another guy so much pleasure. Make sure she knows ... she is the star, because she is. Without her this wouldn't be possible. Bring the idea/scenario up when it's appropriate.. when she is in a playful mood as opposed to a loving mood. Using words and your voice put her in a place of comfort and sexual joy being with another man, let her know how great it would make you feel, and how easy it is to accomplish. Let her know how beautiful she is, how sexy she is and how much you would enjoy seeing another guy enjoy what you already have. Be persistent. ... don't bring it up if she is not in the mood... give her plenty of breathing room, but not so much that nothing ever gets said. In your fantasies with her... put her in realistic situaltion... not unrealistic. But remember.. if she doesn't want to do this.. than don't push her. She is equal to you in all things including love and respect. If you can't handle her saying no now, if your not careful, you wont have a choice about hearing her say NO and Goodbye ... at a later time. Then what do you have?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

Your wifes sudden change of attitude may only mean that she is now ready for it.

My wife and I went through the same experience a few years ago, for ten years I tried to get her to has sex with another guy, we even tried it in a motel room with a guy we met through a contact mag, it didnt work and I didnt mention it for years but a few years ago I brought it up again and we tried it with an escort, it was a success and now we have a friend that visits from another state, him and my wife go into our bedroom and I sit outside the window and get off on their moans of pleasure and creaking bedsprings. When I asked her what changed her mind she told me she just didnt feel ready before, hope this is the case with you and your wife.

PS hope you are having fun!

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A male reader, KennyJohnes Canada +, writes (7 November 2007):

KennyJohnes is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks Stina. I am carefully considering your advice and how best to be sure not to lose control of the situation. I have had two more sessions with my "old friend" and my wife -- first an evening of drinks at our place and then a casual dinner out followed by coffee and liquers at our home. That night in bed after he left, my wife agreed readily to having sex with him and suggested that I arrange something for her to consider. I'm not having second thoughts about the ultimate deed but I do have some concern that maybe the sudden change in my wife's attitude might not be entirely good. Any further advice Stina or anyone about how to be sure I don't lose her (other than forgetting the whole thing -- pun intended).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007):

What you seem to be intrested in doins is called "Open Marriage". This is when both can see others with both understanding that it's ok to see and have sexual relations with another. This may suprize some but Divorce rates are do because after time ppl change and the marriage does not. A "Open Marriage" changes the rules. What some may fine wrong is that Divorce rates in a "Open Marriage" is much lower than a "Normal Marriage" People have to understand that we all change and if you want to keep the marriage "what I like to call a safe place" you have to see that seeing others is not a issue.

Some will say that "Well the bible seas an affair is wrong"

The truth is if you read it with out putting your own ideas into it. Seeing others is ok as long as the Married partner knows and your the one to tell them.

Marriage was meant for 2 people intrested in creating a child. Doing so did not mean having sexual relations with another had to stop but it did mean that the persion you want to have a sexual relation with had know that your intrest is for sexual intrest and not a Mariage intrest.

This ment that the wife knew her husband sexual intrest and that his sexual intrest would not try to get pregnant.

Now in the past to prevent getting pregnant she would take him in the back and not the front. Today however getting pregnant can be prevented throug a lot of difrent options to both male and female.

So lets be clear however. She must trust that what your saying is she can see others but she may not want you to see others this again somes to the safe place. She likes the safe place and does not wish to lose it. To show that this safe place is not going anyplace you need to sit down and wright on some paper what the Do's and dont's.

I can suggest a few.

1. You need to have your sexual intrest to meat your spouse. this is for suport.

2. You must agree to how fare you would like to go with your sexual intrest.

3. You must agree if you can or can not take your sexual intrest at home "Safe Place"

Note: if it is ok what are some ground rules.

4. Decide if you want your marital partner to participate.

5. Your Sexual Intrest must be aware of the rules and needs to be ok with the guidelines.

6. You dont want to getting pregnant by your sexual intrest

These are some guidelines. you can add what you need. Key hear is if you have kids these rules will change but not by much.

The rules help both of you see what you are looking at so all invalved are on the same page by the time your sexual intrest sees the page you have in your own mind decided haw fare you will go with them.

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (19 October 2007):

stina agony auntHello Kenny,

I just saw your question. I thought you just wanted your wife to have sex with another man? If she begins to actually like him in more than a sexual way (you said she told you that he's pleasant and interesting) then this might end up not being a very good idea. It's one thing to have sex, but be careful she does not become emotionally attached to this man. Because "just sex" could turn into much more.

I know it wouldn't be the same, but have you two considered watching porn together? It's a lot less risky.

(And I won't comment any further, because you've already stated that you don't want to hear advice about how your desire is a bad idea...)

Take care.

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A male reader, KennyJohnes Canada +, writes (19 October 2007):

KennyJohnes is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks Tommy. I took your advice and had an "old friend" around for a drink. He turned out to be very charismatic and my wife seemed to enjoy his company. She later revealed to me that she found him to be a very pleasant and interesting (?!!) person. I think she is or will be favourably inclined but I am planning to build their friendship by further visits before I try to seal the deal.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (16 October 2007):

Collaroy agony auntKenny, it worries me when anybody mentions that they dont want to see answers that differ from the answers they feel are the right ones.

You say your wife likes to talk about the past love to turn you on. I can understand this, it turns me on as well when my wife talks about past lovers. However did she also consider your proposition when you were in the bedroom? Bedroom talk can be pretty raunchy, and if my wife and I followed through with it, she would have a string of lovers banging our front door down for sex 24/7. But in the real world fantasies are left at the bedroom door.

Unless both of you are into it, it's never gonna happen and you will only end up driving a wedge between you and your wife if you continue to badger her. Keep to the fantasies and let your wife keep with the dirty talk, just put this one down to something that is never gonna happen.

Your wife had an affair years ago, I'm sure she was young, I imagine it was hard enough for her to bring back those memories in the bedroom with you, but she did for your benefit because it gets you off . Asking her to sleep with another man may very well open up some old wounds she is just not interested in revisiting.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

Kenny, your wife has spoken. Please listen to that and respect her wishes. Do not push for anything more. It is a very bad idea. Why-- you may wonder? Well.... she could be viewing this as an issue of why you the man she loves and trusts wholly, wanting her, the most important person in your life, boinking someone else, who is basically a stranger. If she believes this, then that is not a good thing? To me and a lot of people out there, marriage means complete monogamy. So I have to ask-why aren't you feeling fulfilled in your marriage? Your wife must be asking herself the same thing. It's obvious that the idea of doing it is unsettling to her because maybe she realizes that all you want out of it is instant self gratification you want, at the expense of her dignity and self-respect. If that's the case, kinda self-serving on your part to further insist upon it don't you think? So when 'you' want something that 'feels good' just for you and you want it 'right now'...other people can get hurt and it could destroy intimacy in a marriage. I would keep my mouth shut and not say anything more about this...that is if you care deeply and are generously committed to her.

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (15 October 2007):

Bring the guy over to meet her. Don't bring the idea up until a couple of days later.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

As you have already said, 'she does not want to and is satisfied as things are'

It is not her mind you need to change it's yours. You say "for mutual pleasure" She already said no so it is your pleasure you are considering.

Watch pornos if your into that sort of thing as your wife has made herself perfectly clear. Don't you want to respect that?

You need to re-evaluate your thought processes. I also agree with the other aunts that your marriage is in trouble.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007):

If she doesnt want to then there is little you can do. Why on earth do you want to do that? sorry, but i just cannot understand this one. I dont think there is a person that i know who would help you here, but watch this space, because i could be wrong. Love and respect her and dont make this an issue.

Take care

xxx

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