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How do I control this change in voice and mannerisms? I would like to attract a man, not repel him!

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2015) 1 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ever since I was a teenager, any guy that I had any type of romantic interest in has never liked me back. I've only had one boyfriend my entire life, and I was never head over heels in lust with him. The relationship only lasted a year

Recently, there was this guy I met who I was indifferent towards. The first conversation we had, he was flirting and appeared to be interested in me. Afterwards, i developed a crush on him. The next few times we met, he began to withdraw from me and started to flirt less and distance himself.

The reason why he did this is because he picked up on my energy and knew I was attracted to him. When I like a guy, my voice, mannerism and energy changes and I think it turns men off. I must come across dumb and desperate. I start to talk like a naive 12 year old schoolgirl and I think men find this very unattractive. But its unconscious and I can't help it. I'm working on not doing this. I become so worried about what they may think that it blows any potential relationship

I notice that when I'm less conscious of myself and my voice is normal, he seems more receptive to me. This is the case with most men in general. When I'm talking in my normal adult voice and not concerned about impressing him or being this girly sexpot they seem to respect me more and develop genuine interest. the problem is i dont know how to do this with men I really like so I can finally get the man I want...

View related questions: crush, flirt

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2015):

As I am much the same I have huge sympathy for you. I was chronically shy as a child and even now prefer my own company, but there is light at the end of the tunnel as I am in a happy and long term relationship.

So what's to be done; well it is a lack of confidence in yourself that makes you behave this way so you could develop your social confidence further by doing something where you speak to different people a lot eg volunteering or even try some sort of public speaking. I used to think of subjects to talk about in advance so l wasn't lost for words and relaxation techniques helped.

Ultimately you are upset about not being able to be yourself which is what you want people to be attracted to, not a persona that isn't the real you.I know that men (and women) like to innocently flirt a lot and the guy you liked that cooled towards you may have just been flirting and once he realised you were interested in him he backed off.In some ways that's a good thing as you don't need time wasters.

Ironically I pursued my partner who quickly realised l liked him which was good as he was equally shy.

I wish you luck and I am sure you will meet the right person one day.x

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